The Time Traveler's Guide to NOT Getting Caught The Time Traveler's Guide to NOT Getting Caught

Yes it's true, I had a threesome in 1944 Los Angeles, and it was as amazing as it sounds.  It was so great that I had an immediate urge to share my story, and so I decided to meet up with my time traveling buddy and tell him all about it which meant, it was time to go on the Titanic.  This was a doozy of a trip, and yes, I'm using the word doozy now.  Do I use a lot of James Cameron Titanic references in this chapter?  Yes.  Do the James Cameron Titanic references ever get old?  No.  Do I enjoy asking myself questions in the episode synopsis?  Yes. 

Now that I was an enlightened individual, I felt like I didn't need to do any more work on myself and should instead indulge in my sexual desires.  So I brainstormed what would be the easiest time period to get laid, and that's when I realized that most of the men in the 1940s were fighting in World War II which meant there was a super high ratio of women to men back in America, so I make my way back to 1944 Los Angeles.

After taking LSD and tripping through time, I felt like I needed some more clarity in life, and so of course, I decide to go back to The Age of Enlightenment.  After looking up when and what that actually was, I wind up back in London in 1687 where I meet Sir Isaac Newton before he was a sir.  It was also the time before he had ever gotten laid, so I do what anybody in my shoes would do...I help Isaac Newton lose his virginity.

Still reeling from my breakup with the babysitter, I decided I needed to have some me time so I travel to Woodstock because, you know, that's the best place to have me time.  While there, I wind up taking some acid and having the craziest trip of all time!

After freeing the Jews in Egypt, I was feeling exhausted, but the babysitter now wanted to free the African Americans by starting The Civil War, and because I wanted to make her happy, I agreed.  While back in 1860 South Carolina, the babysitter and I start fighting and I realize that maybe she isn't the love of my life....

Truth be told, I didn't want to go back to Ancient Egypt because I'm not a fan of getting sand stuck in my shoes, but the babysitter wanted to go there, and I wanted to continue to have sex with her, so we went back to Egypt. The babysitter and I had one mission at hand: free the Jews. So I infiltrate my way into the Pharaoh's good graces and then meet Moses and the rest is history...I mean, at the time, it was my present, but later on it became history.