The Unburdened Leader

Rebecca Ching, LMFT
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The Unburdened Leader

Meet leaders who recognized their own pain, worked through it, and stepped up into greater leadership. Each week, we dive into how leaders like you deal with struggle and growth so that you can lead without burnout or loneliness. If you're eager to make an impact in your community or business, Rebecca Ching, LMFT, will give you practical strategies for redefining challenges and vulnerability while becoming a better leader. Find the courage, confidence, clarity, and compassion to step up for yourself and your others--even when things feel really, really hard.

  1. MAY 2

    EP 129: Beyond the List: Building Communities of Generosity and Mutual Care with Charles Vogl

    We often hear the advice, “You just need to find your community.” It sounds simple. Hopeful, even. But it can ring hollow for anyone who has tried to do it, and for those in leadership roles where they carry the additional burdens of responsibility and visibility. And it’s especially fraught advice for anyone who has experienced relational trauma. Because true community isn’t something you stumble into. It has to be built, slowly and intentionally. And it’s often uncomfortable and messy when we’re healing from experiences where reaching for connection resulted in hurt and betrayal. But human beings are wired for connection. We long for it. And we’re more disconnected from each other than ever. The remedy for our loneliness is in the slow, awkward, sacred work of showing up and staying, even through discomfort and disagreement. If we lay foundations of shared dignity and respect, we can build courageously honest relationships and community in those uncomfortable spaces.  My guest today joins me to explore the intricate journey of building a true community, one that transcends buzzwords and embraces the courage to be vulnerable and honest, to disagree, repair, and stay genuinely connected. Charles Vogl is an adviser, speaker, and the author of three books, including the international bestseller The Art of Community. His work is used to advise and develop leadership and programs worldwide within organizations including Google, Airbnb, LinkedIn, Twitch, Amazon, ServiceNow, Meetup.com, Wayfair and the US Army. Charles holds an M.Div. from Yale, where he studied spiritual traditions, ethics, and business as a Jesse Ball duPont Foundation scholar. Listen to the full episode to hear: How a seemingly simple ritual of Friday dinners turned Charles’s house into a community hubWhy investing in community building will always require some amount of intention and effortHow Charles’s experiences working for social change shaped his skill for bringing people together around shared purpose and valuesThe difference between true community and what Charles calls “mirage communities”What holds leaders back from creating spaces where real relationships and community can be builtThe importance of “campfire experiences” for developing trust and admirationWhy we need to invite others in, not just announce our plans and hope they show up Learn more about Charles Vogl: WebsiteConnect on LinkedInThe Art of Community: 7 Principles for Belonging Learn more about Rebecca: rebeccaching.comWork With RebeccaThe Unburdened Leader on SubstackSign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader Email Resources: The loneliest people (and places) in America, Andrew Van Dam | Washington PostMarissa KingCloud Cult - You'll Be Bright

    1h 26m

  2. APR 18

    EP 128: The Humanity Behind the Science: Challenging Misinformation with Empathy featuring Dr. Jess Steier 

    Many things we once widely accepted as true and considered non-controversial galvanize intense debates. Leaders are often advised to stay neutral, to not get political when these issues come up in their organizations. Of course leaders should be mindful of what they discuss, how, and with whom. But that isn’t the same as being apolitical or neutral. In fact, our collective discomfort with being political often has less to do with neutrality and more to do with avoiding discomfort or even silencing conversations outright. When leaders stifle discussions because they fear losing control, that’s not neutrality, that’s avoidance. And avoidance doesn’t make a space safe; it makes it fragile. As leaders of teams from different backgrounds, lived experiences, and viewpoints, it is neither responsible nor possible to be truly neutral. But what we can do is create cultures of openness, generosity, and meaningful discussion. And in a time when science, health, food security, education, and mental well-being are being politicized, it’s essential. In the second part of this series on science communication, my guest is an incredible leader, scientist, and science communicator. She shares critical reflections on what we can do to fight misinformation, regardless of our training and expertise. Jessica Steier, DrPH, PMP is a public health scientist, advocate, science communicator, and Co-Founder and CEO of Unbiased Science. She is driven by a mission to bridge divides and foster trust through empathetic, evidence-based communication. As the founder of the Unbiased Science podcast and newsletter, she is committed to breaking free from echo chambers and tackling health and science literacy with clarity and compassion. Dr. Steier specializes in evaluation science, leveraging data and storytelling to inform health policy and program improvement. Her work focuses on building connections, encouraging dialogue, and making complex scientific concepts accessible to diverse audiences.  Listen to the full episode to hear: How pop understandings of science-related buzzwords make communication harderHow Jessica works to account for her own biases when creating contentWhy connection and empathy are key to beginning to break down misinformationHow connection without expertise, especially on social media, creates a flood of misinformationWhy we have to address the roots of people’s mistrust of scientific institutionsHow Jessica and other science communicators are supporting each other through online abuseWhat to watch out for when influencers talk about health and wellnessThe real risks and impacts of some of the most common health misinformation Learn more about Dr. Jessica Steier: Unbiased ScienceUnbiased Science PodcastUnbiased Science NewsletterInstagram: @unbiasedscipod Learn more about Rebecca: rebeccaching.comWork With RebeccaThe Unburdened Leader on SubstackSign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader Email Resources: Politics, Andrew HeywoodThe Human Condition, Hannah ArendtMarking 50 Years in the Struggle for Democracy | Freedom HouseHow Democracies Die, Daniel Ziblatt , Steven Levitsky​​To combat misinformation, start with connection, not correctionBooster Shots: The Urgent Lessons of Measles and the Uncertain Future of Children's Health, Adam RatnerKendrick Lamar - Not Like UsFringeWeekend at Bernie'sDon't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead

    1h 15m

  3. APR 4

    EP 127: Hard on Ideas, Not People: Fighting Fiction with Facts (and a Little Humor) with Dr. Jonathan N. Stea

    The issues at stake—our health, our rights, how we educate our kids—demand a lot from us. Yet, in today’s attention economy, leaders don’t always earn influence through integrity and truth. Instead, they master the art of capturing emotions, feeding fears, and speaking to lived experiences, often amplifying misinformation rather than challenging it. When leaders step into the fight against misinformation, they take on enormous risks and the consequences are very real, from open hostility to verbal abuse to death threats. Staying engaged in these difficult conversations requires more than just knowledge; it demands emotional regulation, capacity for conflict, and self-awareness.  This is where unprocessed relational trauma can shape how a leader navigates conflict. But leaders who work through these wounds develop the ability to hold tension without collapsing or attacking.  Developing this capacity for conflict is critical today. Because in an era when science is under siege, how we engage in conflict matters just as much as the facts themselves. In the first of two conversations with leaders who model how to engage with critics without feeding the outrage machine, today’s guest shares his approach to tackling conflict and misinformation in science and health spaces, one where we engage with rigor and compassion without bending to the pressures of false equivalence. He understands that courage isn’t about shouting the loudest; it’s about staying grounded in your values, standing firm in the truth, and being authentic and creative in capturing much-coveted attention.  Dr. Jonathan N. Stea is a full-time practicing clinical psychologist and an adjunct assistant professor in the Department of Psychology at the University of Calgary. He’s a two-time winner of the University of Calgary’s Award for Excellence in Clinical Supervision and co-editor of the book Investigating Clinical Psychology: Pseudoscience, Fringe Science, and Controversies. Dr. Stea has published extensively, with regular contributions to Scientific American and Psychology Today, among other outlets, and has appeared on numerous mainstream television and radio shows, as well as podcasts.  His book, Mind the Science: Saving Your Mental Health from the Wellness Industry, aims to educate and embolden those who wish to make informed decisions about their mental health, to improve science and mental health literacy, and to pull back the curtain on the devastating consequences of allowing pseudoscience promoters to target the vulnerable within our society.  Listen to the full episode to hear: How witnessing his mother’s health struggles as a child shaped both Jonathan’s career trajectory and his compassion for those who seek alternative treatmentsWhy testimonials and other anecdotal evidence are actually warning signs of pseudoscienceHow the placebo effect impacts our perception of the effectiveness of alternative curesHow not all grifters have malicious intent, though they can cause significant harmBreaking down common factors that make us susceptible to misinformationHow Jonathan has learned to cope with trolls and challenge pseudoscience with humor Learn more about Dr. Jonathan Stea: WebsiteX: @jonathansteaFacebook: @drjonathansteaInstagram: @dr_jonathan_steaThreads: @dr_jonathan_steaMind the Science NewsletterMind the Science: Saving Your Mental Health from the Wellness Industry Learn more about Rebecca: rebeccaching.comWork With RebeccaThe Unburdened Leader on SubstackSign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader Email Resources: Judith Lewis HermanThe Developing Mind How Relationships and the Brain Interact to Shape Who We Are, Daniel J. Siegel The Certainty Illusion, Timothy CaulfieldKyuss - Demon CleanerApple Cider VinegarSpaceballs

    1h 6m

  4. MAR 21

    EP 126: Authenticity in Action: Speaking Up, Holding Nuance, and Leading with Courage with Dr. Jamie Marich

    Given our political situation in the United States, you may be hearing a lot of people–myself included–talk about living your values. Not just professing them, but really living them, even when it’s uncomfortable. It’s hard work that requires a lot of internal fortitude. But we so often default to acting against our values in order to protect ourselves and those we love from real or perceived danger–to our jobs, our reputations, dignity, physical safety, and more. We try to protect ourselves with compliance, while our silence does real harm to others. Those who have a history of relational trauma are especially likely to fear speaking up, even as they know their values and moral expectations are being violated. This collision of relational trauma with moral injury reinforces beliefs that the world is unsafe and that people in power cannot be trusted. My guest today is a survivor of abuse and cultish communities. She leans on her experiences of relational trauma and moral injury in her writing, teaching, and advocacy. The ongoing healing of her relational and betrayal wounds allows her to lead with courage and clarity, especially when it is not easy or convenient. Jamie Marich, Ph.D. (she/they) speaks internationally on EMDR therapy, trauma, addiction, dissociation, expressive arts, yoga, and mindfulness. They also run a private practice and online training network in their home base of Akron, OH. Marich has written numerous books, notably Trauma and the 12 Steps: An Inclusive Guide to Recovery and Dissociation Made Simple: A Stigma-Free Guide to Embracing Your Dissociative Mind and Navigating Life. She has won numerous awards for LGBT+ and mental health advocacy, specifically in reducing stigma around dissociative disorders through the sharing of her own lived experience. Listen to the full episode to hear: How Jamie learned to have more compassion for her mother as the bystander in the course of writing her memoirHow asking can I make a change here? can aid in deciding when and how to speak upHow binary judgments of healthy or unhealthy, healed or unhealed devalue the lifelong journey and process of healingHow to deflate your own judgments about where others are in their own journeysWhy leaders in health and wellness spaces need to be wary of one true way thinkingHow Jamie unpacked the concept of forgiveness from her religious childhood and made space for compassion and letting goHow growing up pretending everything was fine made Jamie value authenticity more fiercely as an adult Learn more about Dr. Jamie Marich: WebsiteRedefine TherapyThe Institute for Creative MindfulnessInstagram: @drjamiem, @traumatherapistrants TikTok: @traumatherapistrantsYouTube: @DrJamieMMYou Lied to Me About God Learn more about Rebecca: rebeccaching.comWork With RebeccaThe Unburdened Leader on SubstackSign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader Email Resources: Hidden Brain | Marching to Your Own Drummer with Sunita SahJonathan Shay, MD, PhDFrancine ShapiroNo Bad Parts: Healing Trauma and Restoring Wholeness with the Internal Family Systems Model, Richard Schwartz Ph.D.The Book of Forgiving: The Fourfold Path for Healing Ourselves and Our World, Desmond Tutu and Mpho TutuEMDR Made Simple: 4 Approaches to Using EMDR with Every Client, Jamie MarichHarvey MilkParable of the Sower, Octavia E ButlerI'm Not That GirlWickedRainbow BriteCats

    1h 5m

  5. MAR 7

    EP 125: Power, Regulation, and Leadership: Connecting to Your Personal Power with Dr. Amanda Aguilera

    In Twelve Step programs, the first step, as I understand it, is recognizing that we are powerless to heal alone. We cannot overcome addiction, trauma, or systemic oppression through sheer willpower or individual effort. Healing, recovery, and meaningful change require connection, support, and systems that foster growth. All true! But we should not make a virtue out of being powerless. Recognizing what is beyond your ability isn’t the same as accepting that you are powerless to change. Powerlessness is, in fact, a protective response that disconnects us from our personal power. When we conflate protection with powerlessness, we risk internalizing the very dynamics that keep us trapped in authoritarian systems—whether in families, partnerships, workplaces, faith communities, or governments. Power-over systems create environments where speaking up feels dangerous, where challenging authority risks humiliation or exile. But no matter the system or oppression, we always retain what Right Use of Power methodology calls our personal power. And that’s precisely why authoritarian structures work so hard to make us feel otherwise. Owning your personal power in an authoritarian system requires deep, intentional work. And we cannot do it alone. My guest today will introduce you to the types of power in the Right Use of Power framework and help you reconnect with your personal power so that you can stand firm and do hard, scary, necessary things. Dr. Amanda Aguilera currently serves as the Executive Director of the Right Use of Power Institute and a Trusted Advisor at The Ally Co. She has dedicated most of her career to helping people and organizations understand systems, conflict, and social power dynamics to create right relationship and a sense of belonging. She has a knack for making difficult conversations easier, complex ideas more accessible, and resistance more workable. Integrating power, contemplative practices, neurobiology, and restorative practices, she works by finding a balance of head and heart and facilitating the co-creation of strategic maps that lead us forward in a more equitable way. Listen to the full episode to hear: How the Right Use of Power framework gave Amanda language to understand and articulate powerWhy power itself is fundamentally neutralHow Right Use of Power reframes power as a dynamic and not a possessionBreaking down the six types of power from personal to universalWhy direct challenges to status power are so often destabilizing How undeveloped personal power leads people to do harm with their role and status powerWhy we have to become aware of how power exists in our relationshipsHow developing our personal power helps us to participate in the collective power that can actually challenge systemsHow leaders can foster healthy power differential relationships Learn more about Dr. Amanda Aguilera: Right Use of Power InstituteInstagram: @rightuseofpowerinstitute Learn more about Rebecca: rebeccaching.comWork With RebeccaThe Unburdened Leader on SubstackSign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader Email Resources: EP 88: Right-Use-of-Power: Navigating Leadership Dynamics with Dr. Cedar BarstowEP 14: Consenting to Grief as a Leadership Practice with Dean Nelson, PhDBreathing Under Water: Spirituality and the Twelve Steps, Richard RohrAll About Love, bell hooksMarie BeechamAlt National Park ServiceFalling Back in Love with Being Human: Letters to Lost Souls, Kai Cheng ThomIndigo Girls - Closer to FinePoseThe Karate Kid Star Wars

    1h 15m

  6. FEB 21

    EP 124: Doing the Work: Internal Family Systems and Creativity with Sacha Mardou

    Toxic leadership stems from the burdens of unresolved trauma and difficult life experiences.  When you don’t do the work to regulate your nervous system, the parts of you that protect you through mico-managing, shaming, blaming, not trusting anyone, or worse will eventually wreak havoc on your career, those you lead, and your own capacity for discomfort. So, what does it look like for you to commit to doing the work? Maybe you go to therapy or coaching, or adopt practices to deepen your self-awareness and reflection. The trouble is, “doing the work” can easily turn into navel-gazing or intellectualizing. The same tools that might help you unburden can also be used to numb out. We so often are sold the idea that we will overcome and be done with it that we bypass doing the real, deep, lifelong work. Today’s guest illustrates–literally–what it looks and feels like to commit to doing powerful work. Her gorgeous new graphic novel, Past Tense, shares her windy and beautiful journey of doing the work through the lens of Internal Family Systems. Sacha Mardou was born in Macclesfield in 1975 and grew up in Manchester, England. She began making comics after getting her BA in English Literature from the University of Wales, Lampeter. Her critically acclaimed graphic novel series, Sky in Stereo, was named an outstanding comic of 2015 by the Village Voice and shortlisted for the 2016 Slate Studio Prize. Since 2019 she has been making comics about therapy and healing. Her graphic memoir Past Tense: Facing Family Secrets and Finding Myself in Therapy is out now. Since 2005 she has lived in St Louis, Missouri with her cartoonist husband Ted May, their daughter and two disruptive cats. Listen to the full episode to hear: How going to therapy for what she thought was just anxiety became a journey of unpacking her past How her therapist helped her “correct the picture” she’d been holding of people and events of her childhoodHow Sacha adapted her private sketched therapy notes into the comics she shares publiclyHow working with IFS to process her childhood has impacted her present-day relationshipsHow the IFS process has helped Sacha recast her difficult experiences as gifts and strengths and her story as valuableHow Sacha approached writing her book wholeheartedly, while still protecting her boundaries Learn more about Sacha Mardou: WebsitePast Tense: Facing Family Secrets and Finding Myself in TherapyInstagram: @mardou_drawsFacebook: @sachamardou Learn more about Rebecca: rebeccaching.comWork With RebeccaSign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader Email Resources: Family Secrets with Dani ShapiroEP 72: Identifying and Addressing the Burdens of Individualism with Deran Young & Dick SchwartzEP 101: Transforming the Legacy Burdens from Relational Trauma with Deran YoungCompassion Prison ProjectCece Sykes LCSWRalph De La Rosa, LCSWDoris LessingEric MaiselElizabeth GilbertSitting Pretty: The View from My Ordinary Resilient Disabled Body, Rebekah TaussigLove Is a Burning Thing, Nina St. PierreTeenage Fanclub - Mellow DoubtThe FranchiseThe Office

    1h 10m

  7. JAN 31

    EP 123: Befriending Your Nervous System: Building Capacity for Regulation with Deb Dana

    These days, the call for leaders to be adaptable, agile, flexible, clear, focused, and calm could lead many to think it's not okay to feel or that you need to be a robot. We minimize our feelings and put on a brave face until we can no longer fake it, sometimes in the name of being “regulated.” When there's a trend in language or an approach to healing, it can sometimes be reductive in how it's taught, explained, or understood. Concepts drawn from Polyvagal Theory, like regulation and activation, are no exception. How some talk about regulation and dysregulation can create pressure to diminish our humanity so that we don't emote, and cause us to criticize someone if they're upset. In reality, Polyvagal Theory offers a powerful addition to your toolbox for leading yourself and others well while staying aligned with your values.  When we work towards helping our nervous systems become more agile and adaptable by putting in the reps and working to understand our systems and our stories, we can offer those we love and lead a greater sense of curiosity, compassion, and connection. And we will have enough boundaries and guardrails to know when to tap out, take a break, and ask for help. Today’s guest teaches and discusses these topics so that we can learn to regulate our nervous systems better and connect better with others.  Deb Dana, LCSW, is a clinician, consultant, author, and international lecturer on polyvagal theory-informed work with trauma survivors and is the leading translator of this scientific work to the public and mental health professionals. She's a founding member of the Polyvagal Institute and creator of the signature Rhythm of Regulation® clinical training series. Deb's work shows us how understanding polyvagal theory applies across the board to relationships, mental health, and trauma. She delves into the intricacies of how we can all use and understand the organizing principles of polyvagal theory to change the ways we navigate our daily lives.  Listen to the full episode to hear: Why regulation is not a static state but an ongoing dynamic experience How understanding the subconscious survival responses of the nervous system under stress can help us learn to regulate and repairWhy we can’t discount or dismiss the messages our survival responses are trying to give usHow even micro-moments of responding to our nervous systems’ needs can create changeHow building capacity to resourcing regulation increases our capacity to sit with discomfort and struggle in our lives and in the worldHow leaders can use Polyvagal Theory concepts to create connected, collaborative environments for themselves and those they lead Learn more about Deb Dana: Rhythm of Regulation Learn more about Rebecca: rebeccaching.comWork With RebeccaSign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader Email Resources: Stephen PorgesThe Nightingale, Kristin HannahBlue: The History of a Color, Michel PastoureauCéline Dion, Andrea Bocelli - The PrayerHalloween Baking ChampionshipHoliday Baking ChampionshipThe Great British Baking Show

    1h 12m

  8. JAN 17

    EP 122: 2024 Debrief: Rhythms, Reps, and Metabolizing Loss

    I know I’m not alone in feeling like 2024 was a year. So many of us are still working through everything that happened as we wonder exactly what lies ahead. As part of that reflection on the year past and preparing for the year ahead, long-time listeners may know that I am a big believer in debriefing. I debrief weekly, monthly, quarterly, and annually, and each year, I share my annual debrief with you. This debrief includes personal reflections about events in my life, how my words of the year brought some interesting data to light and guided my actions, and themes about what’s working and what’s not working as we begin the new year.  Content note: Discussion of death by suicide Listen to the full episode to hear: How my words of the year–rhythm and reps–challenged some of my deeply engrained habits and unrealistic expectationsHow a series of events in my personal life led to shifts in my rhythms and reps and deeper healingWhat 35 tomato plants taught me about priorities and planningWisdom that stuck with me from live talks by Elizabeth Gilbert and Anne LamottExperiences that brought me joy last year and why joy is essential to doing the hard work aheadManaging anger and outrage in our political climate through curiosity and healing, unburdened leadership Learn more about Rebecca: rebeccaching.comWork With RebeccaSign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader Email Resources: Writer's Symposium by the SeaEP 14: Consenting to Grief as a Leadership Practice with Dean Nelson, PhDElizabeth GilbertRedwoodAnne LamottConclaveRenttick, tick…BOOM!The Artist's Way, Julia CameronReal Fun, Wow!Brené BrownVirgin RiverThe OfficeParks and RecBrooklyn Nine-NineCommunityThe DiplomatLionessTimothy SnyderEP 70: Getting out of Shame and Into Power with Kelly DielsKelly DielsFinding Mercy in Impossible Times (Father Gregory Boyle) | Pulling the Thread with Elise LoehnenFather Gregory BoyleEP 117: Rethinking Resilience: Moving from Bouncing Back to Relational Resilience with Soraya ChemalyEP 96: Rage to Action: The Leading Power of Women’s Anger with Soraya ChemalyRage Becomes Her: The Power of Women's Anger, Soraya ChemalyThe Resilience Myth: New Thinking on Grit, Strength, and Growth After Trauma, Soraya ChemalyEP 113:  Curiosity as a Bridge: Uncovering Fears and Building Connections with Scott ShigeokaEP 90: Engaged and Consistent Leadership: with Moms Demand Action Founder, Shannon WattsMoms Demand ActionHow Leadership Styles Will Change in 2025

    53 min
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About

Meet leaders who recognized their own pain, worked through it, and stepped up into greater leadership. Each week, we dive into how leaders like you deal with struggle and growth so that you can lead without burnout or loneliness. If you're eager to make an impact in your community or business, Rebecca Ching, LMFT, will give you practical strategies for redefining challenges and vulnerability while becoming a better leader. Find the courage, confidence, clarity, and compassion to step up for yourself and your others--even when things feel really, really hard.

Information

  • Creator
    Rebecca Ching, LMFT
  • Years Active
    2020 - 2025
  • Episodes
    130
  • Rating
    Clean
  • Copyright
    © Copyright 2023 The Unburdened Leader
  • Show Website
    The Unburdened Leader

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