Zen Wisdom for Your Everyday Life Brenda Shoshanna, Phd

Many of us fear change, because we experience it as loss. We do all we can to keep our world stable, secure, and as we want it to be. Most of our time is guarding against change, fighting and refusing it. But the truth is that life itself is constant change. It is growth, discovery, and the precious unfolding of who we are. Change is the way we learn and ripen. To fight change, to judge ourselves as failures if things don't go our way is a cause of great suffering.  A better way is to say Yes to change, to see each moment as a "wonder",  and to enter the flow of what is going on.

We are driven by the need to be right, not wrong. And many of the conflicts in our relationships are caused by this, as well.  When a difference of any kind arises, we immediately insist that we are right, the other is wrong. 
These labels cover the larger truth of the matter, as we enter into conflict, anger and often loss. There is another way to handle this. Realize that we are all both right and wrong all the time. And that both can also be right at the same time. Give up these labels and learn to truly listen to the person you are with. And to yourself as well.  As we give space to ourselves, listen to all that is going on, a larger point of view arises, along with compassion. We also see the real person who is in front of us, what they need and are trying to say. 
So:   Let The Other Be Right. You can always be right later. Make space for the other to express themselves without opposition. And make space for you to do that as well. This is the basis of all true relationships and of a friendship that can only grow and grow.

So much of our lives are filled with questions that have no answer. We go around and around in our mind trying to figure everything out. These questions about ourselves, others, what will happen, and what's the best road to take, plague us endlessly. They prevent us from being present for what's going on and fully experiencing our lives. In fact the questions create so much confusion, they actually lead us in the wrong direction. Without doubt, there is another way to receive the clarity and insight so many of us are longing for.  To begin it's always with us, waiting to be revealed. It is so important to  stop trying to figure everything out rationally, and to open our minds and hearts so that our deeper truths can come to the surface and guide us all by themselves.

No matter what's going on, how we see the event or person,  determines what they becomes to us. We can find that which is devastating about them and ties us in knots.  Or, we can let go of opposing and rejecting what's going  on,  and experience each moment fully, just as it is. When we do that we make room for things to change and flow.  As we let go, so do others we're in contact with. As we open our minds and hearts to what is happening,  we gain a different perspective as well. Suddenly, we are able to see the beauty, the fun and all possibilities that each moment and person holds. This new insight comes from letting go of clinging to our demands, beliefs and expectations about how everything is "supposed" to be. As things then change and flow, they naturally reveal all the goodness and beauty within.

We're all looking for thrills and chills as we go through life. Our ordinary everyday life seems too simple, dull and repetetive.  To make life special we feel we have to jazz things up, create dazzling goals, become someone special, receive all kinds of acclaim. Or else we've failed, missed our chance. Zen practice shows us just the opposite. Every day, just as it comes and as it goes, is extremely precious. As we attend to it, stop trying to twist it into something else, and honor the moment just as it is, something beautiful happens. We see the uniqueness in every moment and every person who comes our way. We also see that nothing at all is repetetive.  It is only our lack of attention to what happens, that makes it seem as though the same old thing  happens again and again. It does not and cannot. And even our illusion of being "stuck" is only an illusion. Who we are and what is going on is constant change.

We live most of our lives surrounded by Dire Predictions, a snowstorm is on the way, huge winds, dangerous conditiions. And, then, before we know it, the snow has turned to light rain and the sun begins breaking through. Dire predictions come from all directions regarding most aspects of our lives. When we focus upon them, believe them, guard against them all day long, our lives are tangled in fear and pain. When we stay with things as they are, feel them, enjoy them,  become engaged with what the moment brings, gratitude, happiness and also compassion bubbles up. Life brings us what is needed, one moment after the next, including natural insight which allows us to do what is needed,  appropriate, and what is beneficial for all.