The Working Mom: Life of A Bully Teacher Kortney Peagram

Episode 20 is all about boundaries. This week we focus on how to set them, why it is important, and the emotions that come up when we don't set boundaries. We talk about strategies and how to find what is right for you. Really setting clear expectations and learning to say no are foundation rules to have some good boundaries.

Shame on me, shame on you, shame on us. Shame is all around us. This session is about how we can process shame, work on ourselves, and better manage these negative emotions. It is all about working through it, sitting with the shame, and reaching out to build connections. We can't help our children if we can't help ourselves first.

Shame is a nasty feeling. It can come when we least expect it! It hits us, like a good old fashioned car crash, we can’t escape. I think that if you are from my generation and the generations before me, shaming your child was a way to gain control and keep the kids in line. With the evolution of our emotional intelligence and cognitive abilities we know that shaming does more damage than good. It harms our self-worth, self-esteem, and resilience. Shame forces us to disconnect, sit alone, and feel worthless.

Today I want to focus on my experience with watching an adult shame a child, and how we can learn new strategies to eliminate shaming behaviors in our home. It can be hard, I was raised believing that I was not good enough or I was spoiled. I was raised to keep quiet and not make waves. Those lessons don't served me anymore. In a world of growth mind set, emotional intelligence, and culture fluidity, we don’t have the room to shame each other.

How to Address Shame in your home:
1- Talk about the situation and feeling tied to it with your child.
2-Take a nurturing stand point, be kind, and show empathy.
3-Talk about how you also feel shame sometimes and how you can relate to the emotions.
4-Let them sit with the emotion, process it with them, and talk about coping tools.
5-Do not try to to make it better, or say it’s not a big deal. Get to your child’s level and be in the moment with them. Saving them from the pain won't make it go away.

Shame Prevention Strategies:
1-Don’t put down your child or student in front of a group of people.
2-Avoid statements that put down a child.
3-Don’t challenge a child in public, we no longer come from a place where I child will just shrug their shoulders and cower. They will speak up, feel threaten and fight back.

These are some quick tips as you follow along on this podcast. I am here to support you and be here for you.

Lots of Love,

Kortney

In this episode, we focus on self-esteem strategies to bring into your home. These are easy steps to work daily with your child. I run through my activity the SWOT 2.0. and how to use it. I talk about strength base family habits. How to use more positive words and “I AM” statements. I review how to share strength base statements and how to open up your imagination to fulfilling our dreams.

For the SWOT 2.0 activity, do this with your child and spend the time sharing and learning about each other. It is a great connection activity.

The SWOT 2.0 Worksheet

S is for Strengths: identify 15 strengths that make you unique, special, and list all the things that you are good at.
W is for Weaknesses: Identify 2 weaknesses and for each weakness identify what resources can help you overcome what is holding you back. Think about it as what you can do so the weaknesses don’t hold you back. Can you delegate, eliminate, or outsource.
O is for Opportunities: Identify all the opportunities in front of you. Dream big, like you never have before.
T is for Threats: Identify all the threats that are holding you back, then find strategies to prevent or help protect yourself or proactively address any threats that pop up.

Once you complete the activity, come up with strategies to keep the strength talk going and alive in your home. You want to build upon the activity, and talk about how you can support and help your child build upon their strengths.

Another strategy to build Self-Esteem is using “I am” Statements. Using the SWOT 2.0 turn the strengths into "I AM" statements. So if your child is brilliant, then the statement is "I am smart or I am brilliant". Find statements that resonate for your child. Do this also for yourself. Find out what are your I AM statements.

Finally help your child explore what support system they need in place to grow and build their self-esteem. Who is in their corner? Who can they turn to when they need it? Who can they have those talks that might not be you? Who is toxic and negative in their lives and should be eliminated? Identify your kids team players, cheerleaders, and mentors. Then come up with an exit strategy to get rid of the toxic people in their lives.

These simple strategies can really make a difference in your home.

How do we stop the daily noise in our life to find purpose, happiness, and joy? How can we stop the noise to stop feeling pulled, pushed, or dragged without our consent? In this episode, I go deep and walk you through my struggles as a parent and how I intend on making so changes.

As a parent, I go into what I struggle with the noise and how it has impacted me.

Develop consistent habits
* Find out what you want to be consistent with
* Develop a schedule that allows flexibility
* Block out time but make sure you allow more time then you anticipate
* Make sure you include time for transition

I talk about my inability to say no and how it has cost me a lot of unhappiness. I talk about how when it gets dark it is time to reflect on what you really want and how you can make it happen. This episode is for you to connect deeper with me as we explore the difficulties of being a parent but also being human.

Here is the behavioral sheet I go over in the episode: http://bit.ly/2IjwPXw

Last week we went over parental pressure and the impact it might have on our kids. This week I want to go over peer pressure. My goal is to provide you with resources and tips to give your kids the confidence to stand up for themselves, say no, and not succumb to peer pressure.

Tips to help your kid overcome peer pressure:
* Build the confidence they need to feel safe around their friends
* Model the behavior at home
* Practice and role-play
* When watching TV try watching their shows and then talks about the different peer pressure situations
* Talk about a time that you gave in to peer pressure and how it had negative consequences
* Ask them about what types of peer pressure they see and how others react
* Get to know their friends and friends' parents
* Keep your teen active and engaged