In this episode of the Held Podcast, I chatted with Gretchen Saffles about thinking and praying through “trying” after loss. We talked through some general struggles and specific scenerios that may confront a woman as she considers when to “try” or whether or not she and her husband should “try” at all after miscarriage. Gretchen shared her own experience thinking through this question, which she is still currently navigating, and helped us think through how to practice discernment about things that aren't clearly outlined in scripture. This episode is saturated with biblical encouragement and practical guidance. I hope it will encourage you as you think and pray through this question for your own family.
About Gretchen Saffles:
Gretchen Saffles is passionate about encouraging and equipping women to dig into the Word of God and find their identity and purpose in Christ. She is the founder of Well-Watered Women, an online ministry that reaches women worldwide. Through her online ministry she longs to meet women right where they are with the hope of the gospel and to ignite a desire in their hearts to know Jesus more. Gretchen lives in Atlanta, Georgia with her husband, Greg, and her two sons, Nolan and Haddon.
Questions in this Episode:
1. Would you start off by just telling us a bit about your own experience with miscarriage?
2. I know that you weren’t necessarily “trying” for the baby that Greg lost to miscarriage, what was your experience like thinking and praying through growing your family after loss?
3. How do you know when the “right time” to try again is or if it’s “right” to try again at all?
4. What are some practical things we should do as we consider “trying” or “trying again?” What are some specific questions we should ask ourselves or ask the Lord?
5. Let’s walk through a few scenarios of pregnancy after loss and maybe you can share some wisdom with us for each one…
a woman wants to grow her family but is really afraid to lose another baby and doesn’t feel like she’s in a stable place emotionally or “ready” for that
a woman doesn’t feel ready to try but her husband is really pushing to become pregnant again
a woman is eager to try again because she feels like it will take her pain away/ help her to heal
6. Obviously “trying” and “getting pregnant” are not synonymous. Perhaps a woman listening has decided they won’t really “try” but they’ve stopped preventing, or maybe she and her husband are actively trying but the waiting is starting to get to her, what encouragement would you offer to the woman longing to be pregnant again for whom it is just not happening? Perhaps someone is listening who hasn’t started trying again yet but is fearful of infertility. What would you say to her?
Questions for every guest:
What’s one way God has used your experience of miscarriage to work in your heart and life?
If you could encourage a woman to meditate on or memorize any verse or short set of verses in this season, what would it be and why?
“We can make our plans, but ultimately it is God who brings life. It is God who is sovereign over every single little detail of our lives.”
“A lot of times we can go to our planning stages without first praying, without first coming to God in humble submission to him asking him to fulfill in us the desires that he has, to give us his desires that are according to his kingdom and his will. So first, prayer.”
“Seek wisdom. What is going on in our lives right now? How is our marriage? What has God called us to do?”
“What’s really beautiful is the accounts in scripture that we have. Think about the story of Sarah who longed for a child, and yet we know that she was so past childbearing, and we see God’s greater plan in that child, to bring the coming Messiah, to show the people that our God is greater, that he can work beyond any huma