27 min

Tracy Chose Herself Over Her Husband Unchained. Unbothered.

    • Society & Culture

Like many people, Tracy Adams envisioned herself someday partnered with “that one special person for life.” Though there was a period in her 20s when she tried to suppress this desire, she dated with the hope of ultimately meeting a life partner. In this episode, Tracy talks about her decision to end her marriage three years into it. After summarizing the courtship with her ex, she explains how she came to the decision that the marriage was not worth continuing. Early into their new marriage, she discovered her partner had not completely disclosed an issue with her. While the issue was of a sensitive nature and did not make her husband a horrible person, Tracy knew that to support him through this issue she would have to deplete herself emotionally. She suggests that many black women are socialized to see such tedious emotional labor as their full responsibility in a partnership. So, they offer this labor freely without much thought to what they have to sacrifice in order to perform such endless work. Having experienced an extreme emotional low when she was younger, Tracy was committed to never putting herself at risk to reach that point again. In order not to repeat that year when she was so depressed that she never left the couch, divorce had to happen. Post-divorce, she remains grateful that she chose her joy and emotional health over her marriage. “I have freed myself from the belief that black women should put everyone else before themselves,” Tracy says. “I will always center myself in my life because only I am responsible for saving, for sustaining me.”

Like many people, Tracy Adams envisioned herself someday partnered with “that one special person for life.” Though there was a period in her 20s when she tried to suppress this desire, she dated with the hope of ultimately meeting a life partner. In this episode, Tracy talks about her decision to end her marriage three years into it. After summarizing the courtship with her ex, she explains how she came to the decision that the marriage was not worth continuing. Early into their new marriage, she discovered her partner had not completely disclosed an issue with her. While the issue was of a sensitive nature and did not make her husband a horrible person, Tracy knew that to support him through this issue she would have to deplete herself emotionally. She suggests that many black women are socialized to see such tedious emotional labor as their full responsibility in a partnership. So, they offer this labor freely without much thought to what they have to sacrifice in order to perform such endless work. Having experienced an extreme emotional low when she was younger, Tracy was committed to never putting herself at risk to reach that point again. In order not to repeat that year when she was so depressed that she never left the couch, divorce had to happen. Post-divorce, she remains grateful that she chose her joy and emotional health over her marriage. “I have freed myself from the belief that black women should put everyone else before themselves,” Tracy says. “I will always center myself in my life because only I am responsible for saving, for sustaining me.”

27 min

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