32 min

Turning 50: Learning how to be a caregiver for me with Debbie Weiss Honor Your True Story

    • Self-Improvement

0:00
As I was looking for it my journey as a caregiver started when I was 17 years old and my dad had a massive stroke it was only 45 He survived and my parents were just divorced. And I’m the oldest child, and he became my responsibility for the rest of his life, which thankfully, he lived for 30 years. So it was quite a journey. Wow. So

0:29
at the young ages 17 When I’m remembering back of all the things that were important to me at 17 and all the things that I did how did you Wow What was that like for you

0:43
well it was the day after I graduated from high school and I I was going, going to be going away to college. And I was always daddy’s little girl. So it was devastating to see, you know, my big strong father in this vulnerable position. I, you know, it did change my life, I did go away to college. But I, I couldn’t stay there, because my heart was with him. And I knew that he needed me to be there for him. And of course, my mom didn’t want me to leave. Because she didn’t want it to affect my future. But there was just no way. I just could not concentrate, I couldn’t make the effort to acclimate to my new environment, because my head and my heart was always at home with my dad. Sure. So I did actually come home, I did attend a different university that I could commute to. And for a year and a half, I commuted I worked part time. And when I wasn’t working, I was doing things with my dad, I would help him do his therapy, he couldn’t move his leg or his arm by himself, I would do that for him, I would help them take a shower. I would, you know, I did it all. And, you know, at a certain point, as I saw my friends, enjoying that college life, it got hard. And I realized, you know what, I want to be here for my dad, but this is it like this is my only chance to have this experience. And I did wind up as a junior transferring yet to a third University. And I did stay there for two years and got my degree from that university.

2:50
Yeah, so that yeah, I can only imagine, like you said, seeing what everybody was doing. And you aren’t you? And you know, going through that once you don’t, you know, we don’t thank God, we don’t get to do our 70s and 80s. Over Again, on some level, right. But to see that, you know, like you said, just kind of passing you by, and yet I get you know, I can hear when you talk about it about how much that was in your heart to to be there for your father.

3:20
Yeah, absolutely. It was. You know, at a certain point, before I left the first school that I was at, he had some experimental brain surgery that unfortunately didn’t work. And when I did come home to visit him while I was still away at school, he actually said to me, I want you to come home, which he never would have said if you were in his you know, right mind. Sure has. And certainly, you know, that was the call. That’s that’s all I needed to hear. And, you know, I wouldn’t change a thing.

3:59
So, what what were you studying? Just curious, what were you studying in college?

4:04
So I did get a degree in accounting. Okay, cool.

4:07
So, you graduate from college? And you’re still your dad’s caregiver? Yep. Correct. And so where does your life take you from there?

4:20
So, I graduated from a school in Washington, DC, and I loved it there. And I, if I wasn’t a caregiver, I think I would have stayed there. But instead, I came home. And my dad at the time, you know, again, he was only in his, let’s say, late 40s. And there weren’t so many facilities like there are now you know, there weren’t a plethora of independent living and assisted living. And so the only place my mom actually did help find a place for him to go and live. But he lived, we lived in Long Island, he lived here, his place was in New Jersey. So I would, I stayed in Long Island, I got a job, you know, doing accounting, I became a CPA, and every couple of weeks, you know, he was in a facility where was taken care of, but I wo

0:00
As I was looking for it my journey as a caregiver started when I was 17 years old and my dad had a massive stroke it was only 45 He survived and my parents were just divorced. And I’m the oldest child, and he became my responsibility for the rest of his life, which thankfully, he lived for 30 years. So it was quite a journey. Wow. So

0:29
at the young ages 17 When I’m remembering back of all the things that were important to me at 17 and all the things that I did how did you Wow What was that like for you

0:43
well it was the day after I graduated from high school and I I was going, going to be going away to college. And I was always daddy’s little girl. So it was devastating to see, you know, my big strong father in this vulnerable position. I, you know, it did change my life, I did go away to college. But I, I couldn’t stay there, because my heart was with him. And I knew that he needed me to be there for him. And of course, my mom didn’t want me to leave. Because she didn’t want it to affect my future. But there was just no way. I just could not concentrate, I couldn’t make the effort to acclimate to my new environment, because my head and my heart was always at home with my dad. Sure. So I did actually come home, I did attend a different university that I could commute to. And for a year and a half, I commuted I worked part time. And when I wasn’t working, I was doing things with my dad, I would help him do his therapy, he couldn’t move his leg or his arm by himself, I would do that for him, I would help them take a shower. I would, you know, I did it all. And, you know, at a certain point, as I saw my friends, enjoying that college life, it got hard. And I realized, you know what, I want to be here for my dad, but this is it like this is my only chance to have this experience. And I did wind up as a junior transferring yet to a third University. And I did stay there for two years and got my degree from that university.

2:50
Yeah, so that yeah, I can only imagine, like you said, seeing what everybody was doing. And you aren’t you? And you know, going through that once you don’t, you know, we don’t thank God, we don’t get to do our 70s and 80s. Over Again, on some level, right. But to see that, you know, like you said, just kind of passing you by, and yet I get you know, I can hear when you talk about it about how much that was in your heart to to be there for your father.

3:20
Yeah, absolutely. It was. You know, at a certain point, before I left the first school that I was at, he had some experimental brain surgery that unfortunately didn’t work. And when I did come home to visit him while I was still away at school, he actually said to me, I want you to come home, which he never would have said if you were in his you know, right mind. Sure has. And certainly, you know, that was the call. That’s that’s all I needed to hear. And, you know, I wouldn’t change a thing.

3:59
So, what what were you studying? Just curious, what were you studying in college?

4:04
So I did get a degree in accounting. Okay, cool.

4:07
So, you graduate from college? And you’re still your dad’s caregiver? Yep. Correct. And so where does your life take you from there?

4:20
So, I graduated from a school in Washington, DC, and I loved it there. And I, if I wasn’t a caregiver, I think I would have stayed there. But instead, I came home. And my dad at the time, you know, again, he was only in his, let’s say, late 40s. And there weren’t so many facilities like there are now you know, there weren’t a plethora of independent living and assisted living. And so the only place my mom actually did help find a place for him to go and live. But he lived, we lived in Long Island, he lived here, his place was in New Jersey. So I would, I stayed in Long Island, I got a job, you know, doing accounting, I became a CPA, and every couple of weeks, you know, he was in a facility where was taken care of, but I wo

32 min