Unlisted Wall ColtSteele

That last one....nearly killed us. But now we return to complete the run of cinematic Predator entries(via streaming)with the 2022 entry no one saw coming, even without optic camouflage. The story of a young Comanche out to prove herself a capable hunter, loyal pupper at her side, as an extraterrestrial hunter stalks and eliminates its way up the food chain of the Northern Great Plains circa three centuries ago. Turns out hope for the future of this franchise lay in the past, who knew? This morning in the sky, Ben saw a sign. The thunderbird. He's been practicing. It's time; Charles doesn't know what he's on about, he ate some strange orange herbs and he can't feel a thing from the coldness in his blood.

Just like that, we're back in space(but still in the jungle)to kick off the next pair of Predator sequels, though we're sadly back on Earth right after. Experience the highs and lows with us as we appreciate a loving tribute to the original, followed by a tribute to setting a beloved franchise on fire. Adrien Brody(who turns 50 on the day of this episode's release)heads up a group of international abductees who are all accomplished killers as they fight to survive being stalked by a tantalizing trio of alien hunters, while Boyd Holbrook heads up a group of mentally unwell veterans as they fight to do, uh....something or other involving Predators, it was hard to remember one moment to the next in the unfortunate mess of a film he and his costars are in. Ben is not a good man after all......but he's fast; Charles doesn't talk more because he talks too much.

Our safari continues with the follow-up to the magnificent '87 original, this time alongside lethal weapon Danny Glover and his tough-as-nails vice squad(and their erstwhile stalker, the city hunter)as they combat multiple heavily armed drug running cartels, their ball-busting loudmouth captain, their ball-busting loudmouth tabloid news critic, their spinebusting mimic-mouthed alien adversary, and Gary Busey. With more blood and guts and sex and drugs, this time around there's all different things to talk about, and we talk a lot of sugar about how different an experience this one is when compared to the first, while still pairing strongly and enriching the world's story. Ben says he'll call later, he's got his meeting with King Willie; Charles is kidnapped by G-men and made to listen to a speech about the lions, the tigers, the bears....oh, myyy. 

The second leg of our Alien/Predator arc kicks off with the incomparable '87 classic, the original Predator starring Arnold Schwarzenegger(and his badass ensemble featuring Carl Weathers and Jesse "The Body" Ventura). Time to let Ol' Painless out the bag and have us some fun tonight as we take a stroll on the wrong side of the border looking for the mythical cabinet minister. Dig in like an Alabama tick and enjoy as we leave behind chestbursters and facehuggers to make friends with the jungle hunter and make our trophies of man. Ben knows one thing, he drew down and fired straight at it. Capped off two hundred rounds in the minigun, full pack. Nothing... nothing on this earth could have lived. Not at that range; Charles has been pushing too many pencils, but he's got time to duck.

Our time with the Xenomorph draws to its conclusion for now, as we wrap our look at the mainline Alien filmography with Ridley Scott's pair of prequels examining the mythic origins of the perfect organism. Though their reception was mixed at best, we find some things to admire while we struggle through the first film's identity crisis and the second's by-the-numbers relapse into the doldrums of formula. Ben is asked how far he would go to get what he came all this way for - his answers? What would he be willing to do? Charles refuses to believe that mankind is a random by-product of molecular circumstance, as he takes the proffered glass and drinks it down.

We take a turn down a dark alley and find ourselves trapped with the third and fourth installments of the Alien franchise, one is cubed, the other risen from the dead. Just in time for the Christmas holiday, we celebrate in suffering as Ripley's happy ending transforms into a lice-ridden yellow and brown hellscape, with a queenly gift in her metaphorical stocking. When all that's worked itself out, she gets another shot at life as a cloned human with benefits in a wacky future that's somehow just as borked as the century she checked out of. Ben decides a third rifle isn't enough, there's a handgun further down the shadowy corridor; Charles asks if they have the capacity to make fire, most humans have enjoyed that privilege since the stone age.