Why We Get Jealous: Dr. Justin Mogilski on Pair Bonding, Competition, and Communication | Episode 13

In this episode, we sit down with Dr. Justin Mogilski, an evolutionary psychologist and associate professor leading an international research team studying consensually non-monogamous (CNM) relationships. From jealousy and attraction disclosure to parenting and evolutionary biology, this conversation explores what science actually tells us about how people make non-monogamy work.

Dr. Mogilski breaks down common myths about CNM, including the idea that only exceptionally intelligent or emotionally detached people can successfully navigate these relationships. We also dive into evolutionary psychology, animal behavior, pair bonding, and the relationship maintenance practices that predict healthier and more satisfying CNM dynamics.

KEY TAKEAWAYS:

• Communication about jealousy and attraction is one of the strongest predictors of relationship satisfaction in CNM relationships

• Consensually non-monogamous people often define infidelity around deception and broken agreements rather than specific sexual acts

• Evolutionary psychology helps explain why jealousy, competition, and attachment still show up in non-monogamous relationships

SHOW SUMMARY:

00:00 – Attraction Disclosure and Reducing Relationship Anxiety

01:32 – Differences in Information Sharing Between CNM and Monogamous Couples

03:32 – Dr. Justin Mogilski’s Origin Story and Background in Evolutionary Psychology

04:48 – Current Exciting Trends: STI Communication and Sex Tech

05:55 – Dispelling the Myth: Intelligence and Impulse Control in CNM

08:52 – Advice for Professionals: Focusing on Recurrent Challenges over Prescriptive Advice

11:11 – Evolution, Pair Bonding, and the Role of Jealousy

13:16 – Using Evolutionary Theory to Predict Challenges in Non-Monogamy

15:40 – Zero-Sum vs. Positive-Sum Worldviews in Relationships

17:21 – International Research Project on CNM Relationship Maintenance

20:50 – Emotional Regulation: Prevention vs. Promotion Focus

22:01 – Key Findings: Communication of Jealousy and Attraction Disclosure

23:34 – Polyamorous Parenting and Willingness to Care for Children

25:49 – Navigating Hierarchy vs. Non-Hierarchy in CNM

28:10 – Comparison of Safer Sex Practices Across Different CNM Populations

30:45 – Lightning Round: Myths About Jealousy

32:01 – Differences in How Infidelity is Defined

32:44 – The Need for Large-Scale Data on CNM Parenting

33:45 – Message to Future Generations: Building Durable, Committed Relationships

RESOURCES MENTIONED THIS EPISODE:

The Sexology Lab is powered by Sexual Health Alliance, a global hub for world-class certifications, cutting-edge education, and a thriving community of professionals. Many of the show’s guests also share their expertise at their events. Join them at: SexualHealthAlliance.com (http://sexualhealthalliance.com/)

More from this episode’s guest at: https://sc.edu/about/system_and_campuses/salkehatchie/faculty-staff/mogilski_justin.php

ABOUT THE GUEST: DR. JUSTIN MOGILSKI

Dr. Justin Mogilski is an Associate Professor of Psychology and a globally recognized researcher in evolutionary psychology and relationship science. His pioneering research maps out how human evolution influences decision-making, conflict resolution, and intimacy within modern partnerships. Dr. Mogilski currently leads an international team of scientists tracking relationship maintenance strategies, partner attraction, and jealousy management across various relationship structures. He specializes closely in the behavioral dynamics of consensual non-monogamy (CNM), polyamory, and open relationships. As a co-editor of The Oxford Handbook of Evolutionary Psychology and Romantic Relationships, his work translates complex biological data into practical frameworks that help coaches and therapists support diverse relationship configurations without stigma.

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