In this episode, Mark and Steve speak from the heart to a PBSE listener whose addict spouse passed away and now she finds herself wrestling with some horrific "what-ifs." Here's the honest and courageous message she sent to Mark and Steve—
Would this have happened if my spouse had married someone else?—Three years ago my marriage And my life as I knew it imploded upon learning that my husband of 21 years had been living a double life of lies, infidelity, and addiction for our entire relationship. I Began intense therapy for betrayal trauma in 2019 and in the two years that followed we struggled with couples recovery and my husband struggled with his own recovery which included AA in addition to his sexual acting out with both women and men. One of the things that my therapist tried to help me see early on is that my husband would have walked his path no matter who he married….. that it didn’t matter what kind of partner I was or how good or bad our marriage was that he would have acted in the same manner regardless of who he was with. Sadly my husband lost his battle with alcohol last year. Now I am left with a million questions about how we ended up where we did. Did he ever truly love me? What did I do to contribute to the breakdown of our marriage and his death? Is there really nothing f I could have done or said to help him or prevent his going outside our marriage for sexual gratification? And so many more. I struggle to except what my therapist tells me…that my husband‘s behavior was a reflection not on me or our marriage but solely on him. I have been listening to your podcast since my husband passed and in addition to a tremendous amount of education it has helped me see what real recovery could have looked like for my husband had he been able to get there…. it helps me to know that what I thought recovery could be, although not easy, was not unrealistic. I would love your perspectives as clinicians and recovering addicts on the question that I can’t seem to get some closure on and that is— “Would this have happened no matter who he married or what kind of marriage he had.?" Thank you for reading and for the wonderful content you bring to this community.
Learn more about Mark and Steve's new online program—"Dare to Connect!" You have live access to Mark and Steve three times a week--addicts, spouses and couples! Visit—daretoconnectnow.com
Find out more about Steve Moore at: Ascension Counseling
Learn more about Mark Kastleman at: Reclaim Counseling Services
Can your marriage survive sex and porn addiction? Check out this article to learn more—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/can-marriage-survive-porn