Nick and Chris review a variety of camp, B, genre, and otherwise bad movies.
Return to Oz
Your Stupid Minds whisks you away to a magical fantasy land based on the L. Frank Baum novels that no one has read in the last 100 years. It's Disney's reimagined 1985 sequel Return to Oz!
In an effort to reinvigorate its flailing film releases, Disney bought the rights to the Wizard of Oz book series with the intention of revitalizing the franchise. One small issue though: the books are very dissimilar to MGM’s beloved The Wizard of Oz from 1939. No worries, the bones are still there: the Scarecrow, the Cowardly Lion, the Tin Woodsman. Oh, they’re barely in the sequels? Who are these guys? Gump? Jack Pumpkinhead? Tik-Tok? Also where are the ruby slippers? They’re silver? We have to pay MGM royalties to use the ruby ones? Oh dear.
Dorothy (Fairuza Balk) won’t shut up to Aunt Em (Piper Laurie) about this magical land of Oz where she murdered two witches and saved the Emerald City and all its diminutive residents. So naturally Aunt Em sends her off to a quack psychoanalyst who plans to electroshock this 10-year-old until she stops using her imagination.
She escapes the sanitarium and returns to Oz, teaming up with a talking chicken Billina (Denise Bryer), a robotic soldier Tik-Tok (Sean Barrett), Jack Pumpkinhead (Brian Henson) who is, let’s face it, just the Scarecrow, and Gump (Stephen Norrington) a talking moose head strapped to a flying couch.
Dorothy is determined to save the Scarecrow from the evil Nome King, and must solve a series of puzzles and challenges that were probably more interesting when they were in a children’s book. Come along with us on our flying Davenport on this wild adventure!
Cade: The Tortured Crossing
It’s finally here! In keeping with tradition, we reviewed Neil Breen’s newest film Cade: The Tortured Crossing, an actual sequel to Twisted Pair that acts more like a spiritual sequel to Twisted Pair. Joining us is friend of me, the show, and bad movies in general Austin Buchan, who knew absolutely nothing about the movie or Neil Breen before watching it.
According to the Alamo Drafthouse website (and, more likely, the press packet that Neil sent to the Alamo Drafthouse) Cade: The Tortured Crossing is about: “An identical AI twin brother restores an old mysterious mental asylum. He takes it upon himself to mystically train the patients as warriors for humanity and justice.” Abstractly, that is a correct description of about 5% of the film, but adding additional information, or editorializing about the content, would not adequately prepare you for seeing this on the silver screen.
In a way, this is Neil’s most ambitious film, combining his love of stock footage and indifference toward directing actors, he has chosen to eschew actual sets entirely, and composite greenscreened every single character into a dream-like void of proportionally disorienting stock photos and footage, even when using a real set (like a repeated scene of a man plopping into a dingy bed) would have been cheaper and more realistic.
If you haven’t seen Twisted Pair, you will not be at a disservice, as basically nothing carries over into Cade except that there are two identical twin brothers, both played by Breen, and they have mystical computer powers. If you’ve never seen a Breen (such as our guest Austin) it’s probably the second most baffling experience you can have being introduced to him (aside from Pair, which is probably his most impenetrable and least audience friendly).
So come with us on this journey, and we’ll tell of our theater experiences seeing Neil Breen’s newest masterpiece.
In honor of Meg 2: The Trench bombing at the box office, we decided to take a look back at its more financially successful predecessor, 2018’s The Meg! What if Jaws, but bigger?
Jonas Taylor (Jason Statham) is a world-renowned underwater saving people guy. When he tries to rescue a submarine that was hit by something big (I’m guessing a Meg) he is unable to save everyone and is accused of cowardice. Jonas now hides in Thailand drowning his sorrows in low ABV beers.
Meanwhile, a research station funded by Muskian billionaire Morris (Rainn Wilson) is trying to discover an even deeper layer within the Mariana Trench. They discover the layer, but are hit by something big (I’m guessing a Meg) so they ask Jonas for help. Can they defeat the Meg, or will he eat the entire station? You’ll have to listen to find out.
The Care Bears Movie
To complement Barbie’s wild success at the box office, Your Stupid Minds reviews a different toy tin-in movie, but a bad one! It’s 1985’s The Care Bears Movie!
A man who runs an orphanage, Mr. Cherrywood (Mickey Rooney), tells his orphans a story about two other orphans who learn the value of friendship or caring or not listening to an evil book, or something. Jason (Sunny Besen Thrasher) and Kim (Cree Summer) are befriended by the Care Bears, some cutesy little creatures who live in the sky city of Care-a-Lot.
However, a neglected and bullied magician’s assistant Nicholas (Hadley Kay) finds an evil book who convinces him to cast evil spells to get children to stop caring. Can the Care Bears save Nicholas? Will they befriend a new group of equally toyetic animals? Do the Care Bears have a boat? You’ll have to listen to find out.
Body of Evidence
Your Stupid Minds covers one of the most infamous erotic thrillers of all time, 1993’s Body of Evidence, starring Madonna, Willem Dafoe, Joe Mantegna, Jürgen Prochnow, Frank Langella, Anne Archer, Julianne Moore, and more!
When millionaire Andrew Marsh (Michael Forest) is found dead in his sprawling mansion with a bunch of kinky sexy sex toys around him, everyone immediately suspects his kinky sexy sex girlfriend Rebecca Carlson (Madonna). She is arrested and sent to trial two hours later. Her lawyer, Frank Dulaney (Dafoe) has his work cut out for him to prove her innocence. Can he establish reasonable doubt against the prosecution’s argument that she sexed Marsh to death with a mysterious lethal drug known as “cocaine” in order to get his $8 million inheritance?
More importantly, can Frank resist her sexual advances and remain true to his wife (Moore)? Also how do you treat third degree burns from a gallon of candle wax dumped on your naked chest?
YSM Classics: Titanic: The Legend Goes On
Note: The episode originally aired April 19, 2017.
Your Stupid Minds delves into well-trodden bad movie territory with the notoriously terrible animated Italian film Titanic: The Legend Goes On. We may not have the annoying falsetto screech of The Nostalgia Critic, or the deep-seated racism of JonTron, but we do have notable animal lover and Chris’s sister Sarah Dobson back on the podcast.
Angelica (Lisa Russo) is a lowly beautiful servant who looks strikingly like Anastasia. She meets the rich and handsome William (Mark Thompson-Ashworth) who gropes her laundry and they fall in love. meanwhile, a menagerie of obnoxious talking animals, including a rapping dog, a noble French mouse who looks like Fievel, and a trio of horrible Mexican mice stereotypes, sing tonally inappropriate songs about partying and dancing. Then the boat sinks and almost no one dies, thus tarnishing the legacy of the 1,500 actual people who perished in this real life tragedy.
Entertaning, post-graduate level movie critique and commentary.
Love this show
The show is very fun, the cohosts have good chemistry and Chris is a Encyclopedia Bad Movies. The only drawback is a couple of episodes have audio problems and Nick can be a little too much at times.
Love the hosts chemistry! Makes me want to go back and watch some of theses movies again!