Nick and Chris review a variety of camp, B, genre, and otherwise bad movies.
A Kid in King Arthur's Court
This time, Your Stupid Minds reviews a forgettable 90s family movie that is available on Disney+, 1995’s A Kid in King Arthur’s Court. A kid travels back in time (or to an alternate universe where King Arthur actually existed) to 6th century England to show medieval people the wonders of Rollerblades and portable CD players.
Calvin (Thomas Ian Nicholas) falls through a crack in the earth after sucking at a baseball game and finds himself in Camelot. He spends most of his time in this extremely strange situation trying to court King Arthur’s (Joss Ackland) daughter Princess Katey (Paloma Baeza). But also an evil Lord Belasco (Art Malik) has a nefarious plot to marry the king’s other daughter Sarah (Kate Winslet), even though she’s in love with the jousting instructor Master Kane (Daniel Craig). Calvin defeats the bad guy mostly though 90s catchphrases and gadgets.
3 Ninjas Kick Back
Your Stupid Minds moves chronologically backwards in the 3 Ninjas franchise with 1994’s 3 Ninjas Kick Back, the second movie in the franchise. If you saw the original 3 Ninjas and thought “this doesn’t appeal to me, a dumb babby, enough,” then this is the movie for you!
Grandpa Mori (Victor Wong) and one third of the kids from the original movie are back and they’re going to Japan! …Eventually. First they have to compete in the dirtiest Little League game of all time, and then a luggage switch-em-up forces Colt (Max Elliott Slade), Rocky (Sean Fox), and Tum Tum (J. Evan Bonifant) to commit identify fraud to go to Japan and bring a sacred dagger to their grandpa in time for the end of a ninja tournament.
But who is this? Evil bad guy Koga (Sab Shimono) is trying to steal the dagger for reasons. And he’s using his dumb nephew and his two dumb friends to do it! Also who is this Japanese girl Miyo (Caroline Junko King) who is so good at ninja stuff? And why won’t this kid on the opposing baseball team stop farting? And why does Tum Tum break the fourth wall at the very end? You’ll just have to watch to find out!
YSM Classics: Skyscraper
This episode originally aired January 15, 2018.
Your Stupid Minds presents a ‘90s stuntcasting double feature this month, starting with Skyscraper, which is Die Hard plus boobs plus helicopter and starring Anna Nicole Smith. Carrie Wisk (Smith) is a helicopter pilot for Helescort (which sounds like a prostitute delivery service) and married to LAPD cop Gordon (Richard Steinmetz). When she delivers some evil dudes to a downtown high rise, she arrives in the middle of a deadly game of cat and mouse. They try to recover the last piece of a superweapon microchip, while she struggles to stay alive. There are also 2.5 sex scenes in this movie.
The Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader
Your Stupid Minds continues its “semi-recent movies that actually aren’t that bad and available on Disney Plus” series with the third Narnia movie that Disney dumped and neither of us got around to seeing until now. It’s 2010’s The Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader!
Edmund (Skandar Keynes) and Lucy (Georgie Henley) are stuck in northern England waiting out the Blitz with their annoying cousin Eustace (Will Poulter) when they’re sucked into a painting and end up back in Narnia. They board King Caspian’s (Ben Barnes) ship the Dawn Treader and must recover some magic swords to stop an evil green mist from ravaging the land. That's about all you need to know.
The King's Daughter
Your Stupid Minds accidentally reviews two Kaya Scodelario movies in a row by covering a film shot in 2014, and intended to release in 2015. Instead it was dumped unceremoniously into theaters in January of this year. It’s 2022’s The King’s Daughter! Directed by Sean McNamara (3 Ninjas: High Noon at Mega Mountain).
Marie-Josephe (Scodelario) is an orphan brought to 18th century Versailles for unknown reasons. It turns out she’s, get this, the king’s daughter. Specifically, the daughter of King Louis XIV (Pierce Brosnon). So she must navigate the court intrigue of the palace while she finds true love.
ALSO, the king wants to live forever, so he uses his quack court doctor Labarthe (Pablo Schreiber) to concoct a plan wherein if he eats the heart of a mermaid during an eclipse, he will achieve immortality. So the king hires a Captain Yves (Benjamin Walker) to capture a mermaid (Bingbing Fan) to do the deed. Will he go through with it? Will he have a change of heart? Did anyone see this movie? You’ll have to listen to find out.
Resident Evil: Welcome to Raccoon City
Your Stupid Minds features another underperforming pandemic film with this hard reboot of the Resident Evil franchise, removing Alice and the laser puzzles of the Paul W.S. Anderson films and sticking to something closer to the video game remakes. It’s 2021’s Resident Evil: Welcome to Raccoon City!
Claire (Kaya Scodelario) is a former orphan from Raccoon City who returns to visit her brother Chris (Robbie Amell) and tell him something’s not right with the town. She is almost immediately proven right when a warning siren goes off and the T-Virus zombified townsfolk start attacking everyone. Can Claire, Chris, and the rest of the S.T.A.R.S. police squad escape the city before it explodes? Can they cram as much stuff from the games as they can? Will Jill Sandwich make an appearance? You’ll have to watch to find out!
Entertaning, post-graduate level movie critique and commentary.
Love this show
The show is very fun, the cohosts have good chemistry and Chris is a Encyclopedia Bad Movies. The only drawback is a couple of episodes have audio problems and Nick can be a little too much at times.
Love the hosts chemistry! Makes me want to go back and watch some of theses movies again!