Mental Health Mondays - Sustaining Life in a Pandemic The Refuge

Mental Health Monthly - Sustaining Life in a Pandemic

October 12, 2020

After two full seasons of weekly reflections and 7 months into the pandemic we are trying out doing a monthly interview, reflection and discussion instead, This month our friend Phyllis Mathis is back to share with our community about surge capacity and what we do when it runs out.

Questions for reflection and discussion:

· How does it feel to hear this sentence from Phyllis, “Nobody knows better than anyone else, and we’re all in this together”?

· In ambiguity the anxious mind goes nuts with what ifs. There may be real threats, but often they are not actually imminent. What are some of the things you are nervous about that haven’t happened yet that you tend to fixate on?

· What helps you get out of your head and settle into being fully present in a moment?

· Spend some time with this thought: “We have to have courage and trust that just because we’re out of ideas doesn’t mean that there isn’t another wave of goodness that will move through us into the next phase that we’re going to be in. It’s just not going to tell your brain ahead of time.”


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This week Kathy Escobar and Joanna Douglas Rainey chat about the Enneagram and how each number might find some ways to sustain mental health during the pandemic. 

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We'd love to hear your feedback! What resonated for you? 


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This week join us for a conversation with Kay Bruner, therapist and new friend of the Refuge as we talk about what hope means when things don’t work out.

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Questions for reflection and discussion:

· What comes up for you when you hear the word “hope”? Has your understanding of what this word means shifted over time?

· We often hear the message that hope means it will all work out in the end. Have you heard this definition of hope? What do you do when this doesn’t match with reality in your life or in the lives of people you care about?

· Kay defines spiritual bypassing as, “Something said or done (often in religious language) to try to make you feel better in the face of something that actually can’t be made better.” Is the concept of ‘spiritual bypassing’ new to you? Have you ever done this to people? Why did you find yourself saying those things? Has anyone done this to you? How did this feel?

· It’s hard to sit in the discomfort of things that cannot be made better.

· Our privilege has protected us from many things, but it may have stunted us as well. Can you see ways that that this has been the case in your life? What are some of the things you’ve been protected from that may have made this moment more difficult?

· Kay says that “grief breaks all of your boxes” – What paradigms have been broken for you in this pandemic?

· Kathy talks about how we hate being human and owning the human experience that involves pain and glory and goodness and suffering. Do you resist your humanness? What would it look like to accept that beauty and devastation can exist at the same time?

· Getting outside to beautiful spaces can help us get out of what Kay describes as the “human disaster space” – Take some time this week to go outside, notice something beautiful, and remind yourself that there is a whole big planet that

· Jo talked about “not giving up meeting together” and how it’s hard when we form habits and scary when there is a risk, but how we need to meet in order to sustain our lives together. Have you noticed any resistance to meeting with people again? How can you exercise your agency to engage in shared spaces in ways that feel safe?

· List out the people in your life that you are “in this together” with. Reflect on these relationships and how they add to a rooted sense of hope in your life.


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This week, friend of the Refuge, Father Scott Jenkins from The Celtic Way shares about what has been sustaining for him in this season.

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Questions for discussion and reflection:

· Looking back on the pandemic what was your initial reaction? What do you feel now?

· It’s been 5 months since this all started. Does it feel like 5 months? Longer? Shorter? What is one thing you’re proud of yourself for learning or doing in the last 5 months?

· What comes up for you when you hear the word discipline? If this word is difficult for you, what is another word you could use?

· Father Scott talks the balance of our body, mind and spirit and that we need to nurture all three of these to stay grounded. Which one of these three could use a little more nurturance this week?

· Sometimes we need a friend to help us get started with new disciplines and rhythms in our lives. Is there some area where you could ask a friend for help with accountability to these new things you’d like to implement?

· What would a rhythm/discipline that brings as much health and balance into your life as possible look like? Take some time to think of some small things you could add to help sustain you.

· How can you add more movement and time outside this week? What could remind you to take time each day to go outside and simply look up?


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This week therapist and friend of the Refuge Sharon Saul shares some practical wisdom for returning to the basics of self-care during this season where many of us are growing weary.

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Questions for reflection and discussion:

· The abnormal is becoming the normal and most of us are weary. Sharon encourages us to have an intentional breathing practice. Do you make space for intentional breath during your day? What could be a cue you could use to remind you to take some deep and intentional breaths?

· We’ve been in this pandemic for 5 months now and we rarely take time to reflect. Take some this week to reflect on the last 5 months. How have you managed it so far? What have you learned? What have you done differently? Does your resilience surprise you? Take some time this week to reflect on what you have done and what you have learned, rather than just focusing on what you’re struggling with.

· We live in a culture that loves to know, to plan, and to have control. Can you sit with the unknown and the uncertainty of this season? What does it look like for you to let go of control and just be?

· What does it look like to nurture yourself the way you would for your loved ones?

· Sharon talks about how self-care is every day tiny actions and gently paying attention to what you need. How can you cultivate each of these self-care points in small ways each day: sleep/rest, food/nutrition, water, outdoors, movement, connection, joy/delight/laughter, and calm. What is going well? What could you adjust in a small way?

· Sharon defines calm as “doing nothing on purpose.” What does doing nothing on purpose look like in your life? If you can’t think of anything, what could be one small way you could do nothing on purpose?

· Write out the GLAD (Gratitude, Learned, Accomplished, Delight) acronym and put it somewhere where you can see it every day this week. Try to practice gratitude each day this week for something you’ve learned, something you’ve accomplished, and something you delight in.

· Write out this quote and post it somewhere where you’ll read it this week: “Self-care isn't always chocolate cake and trips to the spa. Sometimes, it's meal planning, going to bed early, or letting go of a bad friend. It's forgiving yourself for not meeting your own impossible standards, and understanding that you are worthy. Always. Self-care isn't just luxuries, but a means for survival."


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This week author and spiritual director Danielle Shroyer joins us to chat about a couple simple practices we can do to sustain life in this season.

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Questions for reflection and discussion:


In our current political climate during this pandemic (in the USA and some other countries), we do not have a consistent centralized parental/authority figure or messaging that can help us hold the anxiety we’re facing in this pandemic. It’s exhausting every day to try to figure out all of this on our own. Does this idea resonate with you? What does it look like to simply acknowledge and grieve this reality?
Comparison is very unhelpful right now (well, always, but especially right now). Who have you tended to compare yourself to in this season? In what ways can you let go of these comparisons and let yourself off the hook this week?
We tend to see the world dualistically and moralize everything. One way we’ve seen this is the constant predictions of catastrophic or utopian outcomes to this situation. Which way do you tend to lean right now in your perspective? What predictions did you make early on? What predictions have you been making recently?
Danielle says, “The predictions on both sides are overly moralistic and super unhelpful, so I would just encourage you to look at this time of pandemic… instead this way and say, ok look this pandemic Is going to include a bunch of things, just like everything else in all of life it will be a mix of good and bad things that are available to us. So maybe the one thing that you can try to get out of it is to be aware.” – What would it look like to allow your thoughts and fears about the pandemic to become more nuanced and focused on present moment awareness?
Write this down and put it somewhere you’ll see it every day this week: “How can I be awake to what is happening within me right now?”
How do you distinguish between when you’re letting yourself have a break and when you’re slipping into an unhealthy lethargy? What helps remind you to keep your soul awake?
Danielle talks about taking one thing that is pulling you down towards lethargy out and replacing it with something that is going to give you joy or hope instead (e.g. twitter doomsday scrolling with reading a hilarious book, etc.). What can you swap out this week to shift towards awakened life?
Danielle also encourages us to start with the word of intention each week that can help remind us to stay awake to our souls. Would you be willing to try this practice for three weeks? What would be your word for this first week?

Check out Danielle’s books and other work at danielleshroyer.com & beasoulninja.com


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