Couple of Blokes David 'The Ox' Schwarz and Mark 'Marko' Allen

The team is apart today. Ox live via whatsapp from Wodonga. Why not on Zoom or Teams? Mmmmm a very good question. Because Ox is renovating a joint there, he has no WiFi, and the 4G or 5G or whatever it is, is shizen in Wodonga. So today, we get The Ox via his Nokia 3310, and sound quality to match.
We start the show discussing Kurt from the e&s Trading Clearance Centre who has another new haircut. Ox and Marko are not impressed. Kurt is getting out of control, we may need to discuss with Robbie & Paul, the e&s higher ups.
Marko has an issue with his deck at home, and given Ox is deep in renovations, he wants advice on how to sort it. Ox manages to find a way to turn this conversation into a plug for his Hand Sandy invention - which we still think is guaranteed to make us billions. We play the jingle again - coming to your favourite radio station very soon. We discuss if we may win an award for the jingle for the Hand Sandy? Highly likely.
Onto a first world problem that from Marko. His pants in his wardrobe are not in colour-coded order, and he is unhappy. He then decided to clean out his wardrobe of some older clothes he doesn't wear anymore, and has discovered a challenge shopping for new clothes. This is indeed a first world problem, barely worth listening to - perhaps fast forward through this part of the pod. But there's more. Mark lines up his wife Trish who is not following the labels he has created in the walk-in robe. He accidentally put on a V-neck instead of a Crew-neck top today, and in the world of Marko, this is Trish's fault. Divorce may be on the cards.
However....Mark solved his first world problem by going to Ox's fave website Temu, a business that Third Man believes may be shonky, Ox and Marko disagree. Third Man has an accusation against Marko which may involve criminal liability. Marko says he is innocent and defends himself. Ox and Third Man are not entirely convinced. Marko shows us how he sends text messages, using only his voice, when driving and gives a live demo, which goes pear-shaped when he messages the wrong person.
Ox wants to discuss country people, to do with people who ride electric bikes. Nobody wore helmets when we're kids, and Ox doesn't believe bike helmets look cool, saying they all make the wearer look like a wanker. Marko kids riding on side streets don't need to wear helmets. He's wrong clearly. Ox tells a story about breaking his bike in half when he was a kid.
Ox starts a social experiment re: an old toilet on his nature strip and how long it will last. We'll keep you up to date on the socials with how it goes. Marko cops a whack from a listener about never doing grocery shopping. And we've been sent a business idea from Matt, who wants Ox to give him a slogan. Ox obliges. Marko loves both Matt's idea and the slogan as well.
We're here thanks to Paul & Kurt at the E&S Trading Clearance Centre in Clayton, Melbourne on Dandenong Road - right opposite Ikea. After an incredible deal on amazing gear? You won't believe the prices! We'd love you to follow a Couple of Blokes, and get involved with the show on social media: Facebook, Instagram, Twitter and TikTok. If you've got a comment or feedback, feel free to send a voicemail to Ox and Marko here. And don't forget to subscribe, rate and review the podcast wherever you listen!

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Breaking news !! There have been major developments in the development of Ox's recent business idea of the Hand Sandy. We are well on track to being billionaires. And we wanted to give you, the family members, the heads-up on what is happening.
Could you be a shareholder? Quite possibly. We are browsing real estate brochures from the Bahamas as we speak. Love your thoughts on these recent, and important, developments.
We're here thanks to Paul & Kurt at the E&S Trading Clearance Centre in Clayton, Melbourne on Dandenong Road - right opposite Ikea. After an incredible deal on amazing gear? You won't believe the prices! We'd love you to follow a Couple of Blokes, and get involved with the show on social media: Facebook, Instagram, Twitter and TikTok. If you've got a comment or feedback, feel free to send a voicemail to Ox and Marko here. And don't forget to subscribe, rate and review the podcast wherever you listen!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Has Marko done a sneaky deal with Coke as a sponsor? Sounds like it as he has come in banging on about Coke, describing it as a meal in a can, just like a salad sandwich. Ridiculous comparison, and one he made with a straight face.
Ox has had feedback on some of his comments on radio, and asks Marko and Third Man their view on the feedback from 3AW listener Joel. We all agree that Joel is a d******d. We’ll put a poll up and see what you think. We also find out that 3AW’s Neil Mitchell had a person opening his mail in case it was booby-trapped!
Marko comes back to Coke (ka-ching), and suggests a new slogan. It’s awful. Ox mentions something that Fanta have been doing which is dodgy. Ox and Marko yak about Mountain Dew and Ox gives a stat about people in Mountain Dews hometown where they apparently drink so much that many residents don’t have teeth.
Marko has an idea for a new segment. Which needs an intro from Producer Daz - the Couple of Blokes confessional. Marko has something that he 'hates'. It is perhaps more a first world problem, than a confessional. Ox agrees with Marko, and they both decide that deciduous trees need to be banned. Mid-tree convo, the hotline rings - Mark from Sunshine calls with some constructive criticism about another factual error Ox and Marko have made on the show.
Back to confessions. Ox has something to admit. He has discovered a new food that he’s never eaten before and is in love with. He’s keen on any recipe suggestions that you can provide on this particular food. And our new segment, Ox the ‘statman', is back and he has two stats to present. Both absolute rippers. One to do with nipples, which leads to a story from Marko about this very stat, and second to do with cats.
Last week we heard about Marko’s drunk tweeting when he was at SEN, resulting in his boss having to intervene. Third Man was yakking to Marko’s old boss Johnno this week, who told another story about Marko losing his license. Marko fills in the details of what happened and why the cops nabbed him.
Feedback: lots of comments on dogs taking a dump on nature strips, with family members making all sorts of punishment suggestions. Most not legal. Marko is keen to know, from anyone who knows about guns, on whether you can feel the difference between firing real bullets and blanks. Ox thinks that a Nerf gun firing dog turds would be a big seller.
Family member Warren has a suggestion for the perfect murder technique. And Pam is a supporter of the ice knife technique. And there are some comments on Ox’s enjoyment of SmoothFM. Finally, we spin the wheel and it lands on a listener joke - family member Dave comes on to tell us a joke, and it’s a ripper. Turns out Dave is a huge Demons fan with a massive collection of Dees footy jumpers, he tells us about the collection….very impressive! 
We're here thanks to Paul & Kurt at the E&S Trading Clearance Centre in Clayton, Melbourne on Dandenong Road - right opposite Ikea. After an incredible deal on amazing gear? You won't believe the prices! We'd love you to follow a Couple of Blokes, and get involved with the show on social media: Facebook, Instagram, Twitter and TikTok. If you've got a comment or feedback, feel free to send a voicemail to Ox and Marko here. And don't forget to subscribe, rate and review the podcast wherever you listen!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The Ox is up in regional Victoria renovating a house, Marko is in Melbourne, and we thought we'd smack out a bonus pod discussing the Anzac weekend of AFL. The boys give their tips for the weekend, and in a conversation about injuries, Ox comments that Round Zero was a dreadful idea from the AFL and it will never happen again. Hard to argue.
At the start of the season, Ox tipped the Pies for the flag, Marko tipped Brisbane. Have they changed their view on the Flag Favourites? Yep, both have. We discuss, and they are both unhappy about the team they feel is likely to win this year.
See you tomorrow for the normal pod - our final pod of Season 1/2024, before a two week break for the boys.
We're here thanks to Paul & Kurt at the E&S Trading Clearance Centre in Clayton, Melbourne on Dandenong Road - right opposite Ikea. After an incredible deal on amazing gear? You won't believe the prices! We'd love you to follow a Couple of Blokes, and get involved with the show on social media: Facebook, Instagram, Twitter and TikTok. If you've got a comment or feedback, feel free to send a voicemail to Ox and Marko here. And don't forget to subscribe, rate and review the podcast wherever you listen!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Marko has come in red-hot today, he is pissed off with a certain thing that some men do. He’s not happy, and thinks it is ridiculous. However, when women do this same thing, he reckons it's great. 
We then discover that Ox has launched an instagram page called 'The Ox Presents'. See it here. It sounds a bit wanky but it’s for his speaking work - it’s a professional page, and he has a new website as well called davidschwarz.com.au. He’s disappointed at the lack of hits to his website. So do him a favour and hit it up. Third Man thinks he has discovered a flaw on the site, which embarrassingly for him is proven to be incorrect. Awkward.
And Marko reckons humans are weak because we aren’t living long enough. He reckons we should be making it to our 120’s. Ox doesn’t agree, he doesn’t want to be a burden, he’d rather slink off into the sunset.
Ox talks about Marko being consistently inappropriate on Twitter when he was drunk many years ago, on one occasion he thought he was sending a text message, but he was sending a tweet, one which wasn’t fit for public consumption. It was addressed via an intervention at the radio station where the big bosses pulled him in for a meeting. Ox talks about 'drunk rationalising', which is where you can rationalise anything when you’re drunk. This was how he ended up buying the Ab King Pro which he never used.
We chat about Marko being called a Cooker online by some randoms. We’re not sure he is a cooker, although he is convinced that there are aliens who have visited earth. Leads to a chat about left and right in politics, and what it means and where the boys sit. And Ox reveals a theory he has on restaurants, particularly Chinese restaurants. And we reckon he is bang on. We’d love your thoughts on his theory. And then Ox gives us some comments on cooking ducks. Ox and Marko then bring up the grape stealing issue again. Time to move on from this ludicrous issue.
Which brings us to Marko and his lack of shopping knowledge. Marko says he has not once bought the groceries, so we put him to the test on grocery prices. Does he pass? Noooo, he fails miserably. Marko calls plums a ’stupid fruit’. Ox makes the comment that rich people dress down, and don’t wear expensive clothes. And that is why they are rich. Which leads to some possibly racist impressions from both Ox and Marko.
Plenty of feedback this week, keep it coming, we want to hear your comments, questions and criticisms.
We're here thanks to Paul & Kurt at the E&S Trading Clearance Centre in Clayton, Melbourne on Dandenong Road - right opposite Ikea. After an incredible deal on amazing gear? You won't believe the prices! We'd love you to follow a Couple of Blokes, and get involved with the show on social media: Facebook, Instagram, Twitter and TikTok. If you've got a comment or feedback, feel free to send a voicemail to Ox and Marko here. And don't forget to subscribe, rate and review the podcast wherever you listen!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Another big pod this week, which starts with Ox and Marko sailing very close to defaming a member of the team. Dennis Denuto may have a case on his hands here after Ox and Marko absolutely line up Third Man and layer plenty of mayo on a certain situation. This may be the final pod ever.
But we recover. And Ox has a business idea that he believes will make billions, not millions, but billions for anyone who is renovating. This product Ox has invented sounds a bit strange, but Marko is genuinely impressed with the concept and reckons it will work.
Ox has also seen a new golf ball that goes 25 yards further than other golf balls, they're expensive, but he rates them. Marko points out that they are illegal for competition and tells the story of a pro golfer called Jumbo who used 'hot balls' in competition. But Marko reckons if you use these with your mates, you'll hit longer, and they'll never know.
There has been another incident of dogs taking dumps on nature strips. We discuss possible punishments for owners who allow this to happen.
Ox reveals he is a listener to the love songs radio station Smooth FM, and he is sick of hearing them playing a certain song 3 times a day. Have they? We do the research and reveal if Ox is correct. When he's not listening to Smooth, Ox loves a good podcast, and he has discovered a new one that he is riveted to and reckons we need to check out. It's called 'Shadow of Doubt'.
Marko asks Ox if he remembers Blankety Blanks, which he does of course, but Ox has never heard of the crow call that Graham Kennedy was famous for. We then chat about older TV shows that we liked. Ox reveals a fun fact about the TV show Thunderbirds, and Marko decides that Ox should bring more stats to the pod.
We then discuss the perfect murder technique. If you had to murder someone how would you do it, what is the perfect way to get away with it. Ox has a couple of options he'd go with, Marko has an approach he'd use, and Third Man has a technique he would use. Ox and Marko are unimpressed with Third Man's murder technique.
Speaking of crime - Ox has an update on Trev the burglar. Pod listener Justin has asked if we can get Trev on the pod, Marko agrees, but Ox says it is not a good idea given Trev is a bit of a wildcard.
Ox has a Can Will Still Be Friends scenario for Marko to do with wine and dinner parties. Leading to a regifting conversation.
Plenty of feedback this week. Marko copping a whack for not delivering Ricky Ponting, deservedly so. And plenty of people pumping up Ox's performances calling the footy on SEN. And there is another whack, this time for Ox from pod listener Tim, also well deserved.
We're here thanks to Paul & Kurt at the E&S Trading Clearance Centre in Clayton, Melbourne on Dandenong Road - right opposite Ikea. After an incredible deal on amazing gear? You won't believe the prices! We'd love you to follow a Couple of Blokes, and get involved with the show on social media: Facebook, Instagram, Twitter and TikTok. If you've got a comment or feedback, feel free to send a voicemail to Ox and Marko here. And don't forget to subscribe, rate and review the podcast wherever you listen!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.