The Red Flag Project Gemma Gladstone PhD and Justine Corry PhD

Welcome back to the Red Flag Project

In this episode we discuss a question from a listener in our mailbox series.  We love getting your emails and questions!

The Mailbox: My Partner Had An Affair, What Now?

When you find out your partner (who you thought was wonderful) has been unfaithful, this is pretty devastating news to say the least.  It's confusing and shocking news, especially if it was completely 100% unexpected.

In this episode we address a listener's question and try to unpick all the components of the question and provide some food for thought and ideas around what factors need to be considered.

Does an episode of infidelity have to mean the end?  Can a couple survive an affair and perhaps have an even better relationship? What has to happen for the couple to move on? How can trust be re-established in the relationship and is this even possible?

CONNECT WITH US
The Red Flag Project: a place for women to do the self-development they need to choose loving, respectful relationships.
Instagram
Facebook
Click the link below to find out more about our online dating course, our course on schema chemistry and how to break free from lovetraps and our online membership The Schema Circle.
Linktree: https://linktr.ee/theredflagproject


Schema Therapy for Life: For anyone who wants to become their own pattern-breaker using the wisdom and clarity of Schema Therapy.
Instagram
Facebook
Click below for more information on our online membership The Schema Circle - the first membership to help you break free from your unhelpful patterns using the wisdom of Schema Therapy.
Linktree: https://linktr.ee/schematherapyforlife

Welcome back to the Red Flag Project
In this episode we discuss 3 signs that you may want to firm up your psychological boundaries.
 
The first one is Resentment.  Having high levels of long standing resentment is a sign that you have been suppressing your true thoughts and feelings for way too long,  perhaps you have been "yes" when you really wanted to say "no".  Resentment can be the result of surrendering to your subjugation schema- feeling that you can't speak your mind for fear of retaliation, rejection and disapproval.
 
The second sign is Burnout.  Reaching Burnout means you've hit a wall and you can feel 1) exhausted; 2) reduced fulfilment in life and/or work and 3) general cynicism that often goes with a feeling of reduced empathy for others.  This can all be the result of doing too much, putting your own needs last, assuming too much responsibility for others; pushing yourself to your physical and emotional limits; not saying "no" when you really should and pursuing unrelenting standards to your detriment.

The third is Guilt. Guilt is a normal and sometimes useful and valid emotion.  But many times we can feel way too much guilt and be driven by unreasonably high levels of this emotion.  The self-sacrifice schema is largely driven by guilt - people with a high degree of this schema can be preoccupied by the need to lessen their guilt by overly focusing on the needs of others.  Self-care and boundaries are compromised when we also prioritise other people's needs and think that it our job to take away other people's pain and suffering.  When we fail to do this enough, we can feel incredibly guilty.

If boundaries are an issue for you, please check out our membership program as it's one of the hot topics we will be addressing in depth. Schema Circle Membership

CONNECT WITH US
The Red Flag Project: a place for women to do the self-development they need to choose loving, respectful relationships.
Instagram
Facebook
Click the link below to find out more about our online dating course, our course on schema chemistry and how to break free from love-traps and our online membership The Schema Circle.
Linktree: https://linktr.ee/theredflagproject

Schema Therapy for Life: For anyone who wants to become their own pattern-breaker using the wisdom and clarity of Schema Therapy.
Instagram
Facebook
Click below for more information on our online membership The Schema Circle - the first membership to help you break free from your unhelpful patterns using the wisdom of Schema Therapy.
Linktree: https://linktr.ee/schematherapyforlife
Join the WAITLIST for the SCHEMA CIRCLE
If you’re enjoying our podcast then come alone and put your name down on the waitlist for the schema circle.  That way you’ll hear when we next open the doors for new members.  The schema circle is our passion project - our online schema coaching membership. https://www.theredflagproject.com/sc   

Welcome back to the Red Flag Project

In schema therapy, 'Modes' are a key part of the model.  Schema Modes have been defined as  moment-to-moment emotional states and coping responses that we all experience.  But also, Modes can be understood as 'parts' of self.  So modes can be observable to others and/or also a way to conceptualise the idea of multi-selves (ie, that we all have parts of self).   

Schema modes are activated by triggers (eg, life situations, memories, interactions with others, our own thoughts & feelings, random events)  that we are especially sensitive to (ie, they are salient for us/meaningful to us in some way).

Many schema modes lead us to over or under react to situations and, thus, to act in ways that end up hurting us or others and also reinforcing and perpetuating our schemas.

In this episode, Gemma and Justine discuss some of the modes that are especially relevant to Narcissism.

These modes are: (1) angry child mode - a core child mode (2) Bully & Attack mode - a coping mode (3) Martyr Mode - a coping mode and (4) Self-Aggrandiser mode - a coping mode.  While there are other modes which might be relevant, we discuss these four as particularly important in understanding the behaviours and motivations of the person who is exhibiting narcissistic traits.


CONNECT WITH US
The Red Flag Project: a place for women to do the self-development they need to choose loving, respectful relationships.
Instagram
Facebook
Click the link below to find out more about our online dating course, our course on schema chemistry and how to break free from love-traps and our online membership The Schema Circle.
Linktree: https://linktr.ee/theredflagproject



Schema Therapy for Life: For anyone who wants to become their own pattern-breaker using the wisdom and clarity of Schema Therapy.
Instagram
Facebook
Click below for more information on our online membership The Schema Circle - the first membership to help you break free from your unhelpful patterns using the wisdom of Schema Therapy.
Linktree: https://linktr.ee/schematherapyforlife

Welcome back to the Red Flag Project

In this episode we discuss core emotional needs and why they are so important for humans throughout our life.  We are born into the world with needs and our emotional, social, physical and psychological well-being depends upon them.  Our early care-givers are responsible for meeting our needs and as we grow and develop both ourselves and other people play a role in meeting emotional needs.
  
The needs discussed are: 
safety, stability & predictabilitysecure, loving, nurturing bond (warmth, validation, ‘being seen’)autonomy & growing independenceexpression of emotions, needs, thoughts (allowance of authenticity)spontaneity, creativity & play realistic limits, self-discipline, impulse controlIn schema therapy, early maladaptive schemas develop when these needs are not adequately met or are violated in some way.

CONNECT WITH US
The Red Flag Project: a place for women to do the self-development they need to choose loving, respectful relationships.
Instagram
Facebook
Click the link below to find out more about our online dating course, our course on schema chemistry and how to break free from love-traps and our online membership The Schema Circle.
Linktree: https://linktr.ee/theredflagproject


Schema Therapy for Life: For anyone who wants to become their own pattern-breaker using the wisdom and clarity of Schema Therapy.
Instagram
Facebook
Click below for more information on our online membership The Schema Circle - the first membership to help you break free from your unhelpful patterns using the wisdom of Schema Therapy.
Linktree: https://linktr.ee/schematherapyforlife

Welcome back to the Red Flag Project

Very often, if you were raised by a narcissist, in adulthood you will more or less fall into the trap of seeking the approval of people who are narcissistic.
A narcissists acceptance of you is often conditional – as long as you are the version of you they want to see, then they treat you well, or at least in an acceptable way.
In this episode Gemma discusses 6 relational or communications pitfalls to avoid when communicating with the difficult narcissist in your life. 
These are people who are really difficult to deal with or communicate with, who might gaslight you or try to manipulate you, who might be highly defensive, super sensitive to criticism, self-absorbed/self-centred; have angry outbursts; tantrums; and tend to be blaming of others and sometimes can be - condescending; patronising and belittling.
 CONNECT WITH US

The Red Flag Project: a place for women to do the self-development they need to choose loving, respectful relationships.
Instagram
Facebook
Click the link below to find out more about our online dating course, our course on schema chemistry and how to break free from lovetraps and our online membership The Schema Circle.
Linktree: https://linktr.ee/theredflagproject



Schema Therapy for Life: For anyone who wants to become their own pattern-breaker using the wisdom and clarity of Schema Therapy.
Instagram
Facebook
Click below for more information on our online membership The Schema Circle - the first membership to help you break free from your unhelpful patterns using the wisdom of Schema Therapy.
Linktree: https://linktr.ee/schematherapyforlife

Welcome back to the Red Flag Project
Don't you hate this! You've had a first great date with someone and then it's all down hill from there.  What went wrong?

In this episode Justine and Gemma put this issue under the microscope and dissect the anatomy of this all too common and disappointing scenario.


CONNECT WITH US
The Red Flag Project: a place for women to do the self-development they need to choose loving, respectful relationships.
Instagram
Facebook
Click the link below to find out more about our online dating course, our course on schema chemistry and how to break free from love-traps and our online membership The Schema Circle.
Linktree: https://linktr.ee/theredflagproject

Schema Therapy for Life: For anyone who wants to become their own pattern-breaker using the wisdom and clarity of Schema Therapy.
Instagram
Facebook
Click below for more information on our online membership The Schema Circle - the first membership to help you break free from your unhelpful patterns using the wisdom of Schema Therapy.
Linktree: https://linktr.ee/schematherapyforlife