Dealing With 40 Clark Vandeventer

In this episode Clark Vandeventer gives an update on where he is in the process of "Dealing with 40" now that he has nine months of experience in his 40s. He talks about his old boss Floyd Brown, and how when Floyd was 40 Clark viewed him as the picture of success. Talks about facing dark times and not giving up (but instead making pancakes) and how his views of success and worthy life goals is changing. If you have questions or comments you can reach out to Clark at clarkvand (at) gmail.com.

Dr. Todd Voss is the President of Southern Wesleyan University.

Here’s what I love about Todd Voss.

For this podcast I went to the Southern Wesleyan University website thinking I would find a really impressive BIO of Dr. Voss listing all of his academic achievements. The impact he’s at at Southern Wesleyan as President. The achievements. The buildings built. The money raised.

And I couldn’t find it. I am pretty sure it does not exist.

This guy is a quite, unassuming leader.

When I first met Dr. Todd Voss he was the vice president for Student Development at Indiana Wesleyan University. I was an 18 year old freshman.

Voss was incredibly student focused. He was driven. Always focused on both qualitative and quantitative growth.

At one time I asked him to formally mentor me -- and for almost two years we had lunch every Thursday.

He would later serve as Executive Vice President at IWU and we remained friends. After he left for Southern Wesleyan, we lost touch a bit.

Two years ago, as I was going through a personal dark night of the soul, I reached back out to him. And after years of not talking he was incredibly gracious with his time and really leaned in and was a great help to me.

Some things that got my attention....

"My plans are not necessarily God's plans."

Having multiple things going at the same time and you never know which one is going to click.

He's not big on timelines or deadlines on goals. This is contrary to so much you read and hear from goal driven people. I found Dr. Voss' perspective on this very interesting.

Talked about how colleges are destroying ideas by being worried about getting students to pass math. Students turn into realists. Voss wants to encourage idealism and thinking big.

Celebrate conflict and the negative outcome of decisions you have made. They are the best ways to learn.

In this episode Clark asks the question...

"Do I feel happy and content because of the relative success I am now enjoying in life?"

or because

"I am enough."

Questions? Comments? Thoughts? Reach out!

Carl Wagner was born nearly 60 years ago in Yonkers, New York, but has called the Hoosier state his home since 1968 when his father's promotion and transfer for Otis Elevator landed the New York family in Bloomington, Indiana, home of stone quarries, cows and corn, Indiana University, and quiet country roads for the family of eight. Though his first day of kindergarten at School 23 in Yonkers, and later his first day of 3rd grade 800 miles away at Ellettsville Elementary might have led young Carl to want to eventually settle into any occupation that didn't have to do with chalkboards and grade books and dunce caps, he knew from 5th grade on that he would be a teacher.

After high school, he went to Wabash College where he switched his college major only once, from biology to English, and upon graduating from Wabash, began a teaching and coaching career of 35 years, interrupted only by a two-year stint in graduate school at Louisiana State University.  Since retiring from the classroom three years ago, Carl has been a college and career coach.  He and his wife Bobbi have been married for 36 years.

Carl's all-time favorite book is The Little Prince, he plans on running a marathon this fall with a good friend who will be returning from military deployment in Saudi Arabia, and he hopes to someday write a book tentatively titled On Leaving Facebook. He is a self-described social activist, supporter of Children's Miracle Network hospitals, a proud contributor to foundations supporting research in MS, Parkinson's, Alzheimer's and autism, and, probably of great surprise to those who know him, a recent convert to unabashed and unapologetic advocacy of cannabis legalization. Lastly, Carl will tell you that age 40 meant nothing to him except a $5,000 hole in his pocket, but the impending 60th birthday just might be something entirely different.

I've known him since I was 8 years old when my oldest brother was running on his track and cross country teams.

He seemed larger than life to me then. He was an inspirational coach. I didn't know it at the time, but at that point he was barely out of college!

He was my high school English teacher. I loved his classes. I loved the debates. I remember debating little nuances of books in his class. I remember anticipating coming to his class and seeing his Quote of the Day on the board. He inspired me.

What I loved about this interview:

1. If you love books and literature, you will love this interview. Every few minutes Carl is quoting, referencing, or alluding to a line from a book.

2. We talked about the difference in two questions. The first, "What do you want to do?" The second, "Who do you want to be?" The second is more important.

3. Listen to all the advise. Then sift through it.

4. Carl doesn't give advise. He makes suggestions.

Lots of allusions to books, but a few that were more prominently discussed were Death of a Salesman (he also gave permission to watch the movie with Dustin Hoffman), A Raisin in the Sun, The Gift of Years, and Move Your Chair.  Thoreau, Emerson, TS Elliott are other names that come up.

Today my guests are Nancy and Terry Metheny.

Terry and Nancy were parents of a very good friend of mine from high school. I spent a lot of time at the Metheny house when I was in high school. They also helped coached Academic teams I was a part of.

Nancy and Terry have been married for 43 years -- they have five children and 18 grandchildren -- and having observed them over the years I can tell you they are deeply connected to their kids and so proud of them.

They’re long-time Hoosiers. Terry studied mechanical engineering at Rose-Hulman and worked at Eli Lilly for 39 years. Nancy went to BYU; stayed home with their children for 20 years and then went back to work as a high school English teacher for 20 years. Both Nancy and Terry retired two years ago.

They’re devoted members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints: as part of that lay ministry, Terry served as bishop of their local congregation for 12 years.  Church service is a vital part of their lives.

They’re travelers. Terry enjoys reading, gardening and golf; I enjoy crossword puzzles, homemaking, and entertaining.

Although we’ve been connected over the years, and Facebook friends over the years -- this conversation is the first significant conversation we've have had since I was in high school, or perhaps early in my collegiate career.

The Methenys made a big investment in my life -- and I would say they believed in me. They thought I was capable of great things. If you’ve been listening to this podcast for a while you probably know there’s a tinge of fear that perhaps I have disappointed them. Maybe they expected more from me. But I have no doubt that they’re going to give me some perspective today.

Things that struck me in this interview:

1. The numbers 20/20. I knew Nancy as a stay-at-home mom. She was getting back into teaching right around the time I was going to college. But in my mind she was always a stay-at-home mom. Doing this interview, I realized as long as she'd done that, she'd had a whole 20 year teaching career afterwards.

2. Terry talked about wanting balance. That was his value and he arranged his life accordingly. But he suggested that maybe some people don't value balance as much. He was open to the idea that balance is not the ultimate value. It was just his value.

3. This long view of success and life building that they hold, in part because of their faith.

4. What I saw when they were 40-ish (as a 17 or 18 year old kid hanging out at their house) vs. the challenges they struggled with. They struggled as parents and they lived paycheck-to-paycheck.

Today my guest is John Davies.

John is the Chairman and CEO of Davies -- a public affairs firm .

John is a master of the business of persuasion, and constantly searches for new trends and methods. He applies his lifelong study of human behavior and effective communications strategies to influence how to get attention and gain influence in today's complex information saturated decision-making process. The growth of Davies into a national powerhouse firm was never the goal, but a by-product of attracting the best talent. John takes on a unique role as a CEO by investing his time and experience to hands-on analysis, strategy, and messaging. He leaves the day-to-day corporate operations to professional managers, allowing him to instead focus on the firm's clients. This strategy has yielded great results:  Davies has been awarded “Public Affairs Agency of the Year,” and named “Best Agency to Work” in several categories for the past 6 years including overall “Best U.S. Consultancy to Work For.” PRWeek ranks Davies amongst the top 25 national PR firms.

John is a sought-after speaker on messaging, persuasion, and communications. He is a founding board member of a National Bank, has served as Chair of the University of California’s Economic Forecast Project, President of the nation’s largest scholarship foundation. John and friends, through Acres of Love, have purchased upper-middle-class homes in South Africa to raise HIV-positive orphans and provide them with healthcare, education and a bright future, and currently serves as Board Member of the foundation. He has also helped found a Hands4others (H4O) chapter with his teenage children and other families to supply water to the thirsty around the world.

And, I love this guy.

I pretty much got to know John because one day I emailed him and said I’d like to meet with him and ask him for some advice. Not only did we meet up, but we had like a two hour lunch at one of Santa Barbara’s best restaurants. And I’ve kept doing that every couple of years. I just  email him saying, “John, I need someone to talk to. I’d like your advice. I’d like to pick your brain. I’d like to present a problem to you and hear your answer. And he’s always been super generous with his time and his wisdom.

This interview blew me away.

He corrected me on something. It's an important re-set. It has to do with fear.

In 1995 I was a sophomore in high school and Kevin Garnett was drafted by the Minnesota Timberwolves. I remember what he said when he was drafted. I'm not a Timberwolves fan. I've got nothing against Kevin Garnett, but it's not like I was a big fan of his at the time. But I remember what he said.

"A terrible thing: potential. A lot of guys have potential written on their gravestone."

What does it say about me that I remember this random quote from a basketball player in 1995?

I fear that I will never live up to my full potential. That I could have been so much more.

And John re-set me today. Fear is a terrible motivator. We can focus on fears or we can focus on opportunity.

A great line from the interview: "Goals to me are like prayers." Talked about how sometimes we achieve a goal but achieving that goal wasn't really the important thing -- it's some other byproduct of reaching for the goal. 

We talked about the need for money and the need to feel significant -- and the greater desire to be involved in meaningful work that we feel called to.

After the interview, John sent me a link to a talk he gave years ago on overcoming fear. Here's the link: https://vimeo.com/channels/432860/64681909

You can find John's public affairs firm Davies at https://www.daviespublicaffairs.com/ and his subsidiary company The Blaze at http://www.blazepr.com/