Reading Roulette: Choose Your Own Adventure Podcast readingroulette

Chronostan – the Russian roulette of baffling time travel (3:12); Pickens at the end of the universe (6:30); Earth Wind & Fire vs. Paper Rock Scissors vs. Water Cave Alien (9:48); Alien vs. Predator?!? no Alien vs. Coworker!!! (11:35); conceptual empty house Epcot, an Aztec SUBURB (17:10); SOMEHOW I WILL NEVER FEEL LONELY AGAIN-- Pickens (22:12); Lost in Space breakbeat (25:00); the fine line between great and stupid, never break your own ribs, disappear into the Amber Gloom (27:53); Caprion, the origin of the primordial fireball (32:00); Save future President Truman, or take Boo Radley to mint julep court (36:47); WE CAN THEN BE TOTALLY AND FINALLY BE ALONE!!! Pickens’ fear transformed into ecstasy (40:28); space mutiny. the Universe shoots you back, in self-defense, it’s the meaning of life– KILL IT! Is a bullet faster than the meaning of life? (50:00)

(2:05) "I'm gonna sit and wait this one out" as a literary device; (4:00) Vivaldi guilty of child neglect; (8:39) the incredible loneliness of outer space, lose the will to live; (13:52) you're 600 million years in the future, so who's gonna make the coffee?; (15:11) a car with a movie about a car, the 4th wall becomes a ball of light I LOVED HOW BRIGHT THAT MOVIE WAS!!!; (18:02) cave; (20:28) Bluenose the Underwater Robot, lazer boomerang + lazer nunchucks = story; (28:47) epaulettes: Lief Garret meets Lil B, Gary Glitter meets the Avalanches; (32:22) The Death of Pickens like the death of Socrates

Space clergy (0:25); SETI, time-contraction-technology, Doctor Pachelbel (5:24); Pickens in Two Gentlemen of Verona, mugshot Nick Nolte (7:58); three lame things that aren't even cool to begin with, anti-matter storm & Cat Stevens (12:00); witness the creation of the universe, Zeus in Friday the 13th (21:30); where the herring would be is an empty plate, a madcap evildead mutiny: ALIEN MINDFORCE, set lazers to stun (25:44); Enter Pickens: stage awesome, The Old Man and the Dome He Tried To Kill (32:27); Do You Overthrow Chuck Yeager? Yes. Goethe suicide (39:11); backwards to the future, Romeo & Juliet shrug it off, GTFO (42:09)

Sunken Volcano at Deception Island: Whales, KGB, Possible Nukes, Ferraris (0:56); The Case of the Missing Envelope Nevermind Found It! (4:10); Agent Double-Eye bitcoin mining in a brownstone (7:50); More Than a Soviet Mancave Feeling (11:13); CCCP Paperweight, Your Code Name is Clueless Moron Stupidface VonDumbhead (16:51); Free-Willy-FREAKOUT!!!! Ivan Drago Punches a Carebear (19:31); Obama Steals Your Whale-Gold Patriot Theater: BREAK YOUR OWN RIBS (25:00); Goddamn you Pumpkinhead! Attack of the Killer Australian Firebirds (34:00); Breaststroke Chariots of Inspirational Whale Fire (38:42); Epilogue (47:00)

More Than a (Whale) Feeling (0:01); schooner captains and MIT scientists: like clowns and mimes (2:00); Dream Your Own Syd Barrett Bootleg (4:55); whale bachelor pad, the submarine Marlboro Man, Attack of the Kamikaze Nuclear Whales (6:30); neutered spy world, soup, Jack Benzo in the hospital (11:44); Bill's Insufferable Biblical Anecdote Theater, feel free to skip this part (15:00); More Than a (Whale) Feeling reprise (19:10); Brad Johnson: Bill's Slightly More-Sufferable Regional Salesman Theater (22:00); Relevant Pop-Culture Reference Theater: Roger Ebert & The Hamburglar (29:00); the spy who sold the world, went back to school to become a marine biologist, all to gaslight an 80 year old woman and drive her Mercedes (33:27); Relevant Pop-Culture Reference Theater: Literal Hall & Oates Theater (37:48)

Bruce Springsteen and old-ass computers (2:46); Whale songs briefing (6:30); a total lack of charisma (8:08); World Hopscotch Championship rant (10:06); Cape Cod villa Ferrari yacht, a crazy Italian femme fatale (20:00); Bill's incredible Italian/Dracula accent (24:43); an eclogue and Our Town interlude (29:12); an Acme Insta-flood Lamp, borscht in a blue Mercedes and a maroon Buick, and riding out the Layla piano outro (33:38); Planes Trains and Automobile, kill the whales SAT class to fill up the family Datsun (37:00)