Chartstoppers Eric Peterson and Adrian Sampson

Chartstoppers has its first ever LIVE episode! One night only! Audience participation barely tolerated! Featuring:

A hearty R&B greeting to you all! The Chartstoppers expound the virtues of pollen, pies, and the Oxford comma while discussing the two most underrated musical instruments of all time: the saxophonica and the Bop-It Extreme. So grab a spot in the line/queue and sing along if you know the words. If you forget them, you can always just point.

This week: well, it exists. Eric and Adrian splash around in the swampy pop-culture more-ass left behind by box-office hit Fifty Shades of Grey. Ed Sheeran and the jerks in Maroon 5 proffer some well-timed wedding fodder. Adrian waves a long goodbye to Bruno Mars’s goatee while his limo goes slower than anything has any right to go, and we all find out exactly which blazers Eric has.

Eric and Adrian uncover a massive cartel of broternative. Jason Derulo’s silliest endeavor to date counterbalances the inexplicable Pitbull, the zombielike Limp Bizkit, and the eerily familiar Florida Georgia Line. This week’s episode also allocates some time to enjoy another DJ Mustard production, replete with testosterone-soaked hey chanting behind the chorus.

Eric and Adrian are dismayed to discover just what it is kids these days like. It’s Tove Lo, who is not as good as Sia, and Echosmith, whose name is barely better than Audioslave’s. This week features two videos with chillingly un-fun sex and two coinages (Eric: singalongable, adj.; Adrian: hipsterdom, n., by way of apology). We learn what British people like from vaunted diplomat Cher Lloyd, and she demonstrates what British people think Americans like. We’re both terrified by a crooning country dude’s sinister hidden meaning.

Eric and Adrian sink ever lower into the depths of the rankings cesspool. They bring their meager Spanish skills to bear for the triumphant return of Enrique Iglesias. Jeremih offers terrible advice, rehashing an iconic 14-year-old track, and this week’s detour takes us even farther back: 1997 was a time of unconcealed double entendre (and other unconcealed things). Don’t watch the Maroon 5 video; it will just make you angry.