When the clutter, motherhood, relationships, and life seem too overwhelming. When you have resentment and frustration every day - this is a sign you have been living on auto-pilot- letting life happen to you instead of living it ON PURPOSE. I’ve been there. Three kids under 4 and I decided to declutter my home and realized I was living my whole life on autopilot. I wanted more. I wanted to take action, be more present, have more fun! Enjoy my kids!
I’m Shawna, You might know me as your Nerdy Girlfriend and Life Coach.
I am a Certified Coach Practitioner, a Transformational Life Coach and hold my diploma in Cognitive Behavioural Therapy.
I use the Enneagram, Faith and CBT as tools in my life coaching approach.
I teach moms around the world the tools they need to set values and vision for the 9 areas of their lives so they can take the right steps towards living life ON PURPOSE.
Find my books, course, coaching programs and blog at simpleonpurpose.ca
140. Give your discomfort a purpose #uncomfortableonpurpose
I challenged you to get uncomfortable this week. Now I want to dig into doing simple things that serve a bigger purpose. Giving your discomfort a purpose to work towards the vision and goals you have for your life. I want to break it down, keep it simple, and encourage you to drop your all-or-nothing mindset.
This past weekend I did another Abundance Day (aka Yes Day) with my kids.
Last year I did this and shared my takeaways in this episode "I let my kids do whatever they wanted all day"
Discomfort on purpose
Last week I shared how we are building lives of comfort but discomfort can serve a purpose. In the episode, I shared my own experiences with this and challenged you to do something uncomfortable ON PURPOSE (#uncomfortableonpurpose)
I love to hear what you are working on (on Instagram and in the Facebook group)
Let's build on the purpose we can give our discomfort
There is value in going out of your comfort zone, practicing that, and growing your tolerance for feeling uncomfortable
There is also value in the empowerment and drive we get when we are working towards something we really want.
If we call it a goal, does that have a stigma for you?
Do you feel like 'goal' is corporate and stuffy? Or maybe you feel like a goal will uphaul your whole life and bring failure and disappointment with it.
The truth is that we have good reasons to NOT set a goal
There are benefits that we get by staying where we are and not doing the work of setting a goal.
Some of them include never challenging what we believe about ourselves, never needing to face discomfort, never having to figure it out, or do the work of showing up!
Remember that a goal won't make you a 'better' person
We do have this invisible hierarchy of what makes people superior. We kinda secretly think that someone who sets goals and follows through (or looks a certain way or has certain things) is somehow a 'better person'. Let's throw these measuring sticks into the bonfire. You don't need a goal to be a worthy person.
Maybe goals feel like an emotional burdern, so how about the idea of 'giving your brain a job'
Our brain is running in the background solving the negative problems we have told it to focus on (problem-minded). We have trained our brains to do this.
How about we give our brain the job of solving some positive problems (solution-minded).
Give your brain a job, call it a goal if you want
Either way, consider what the bigger purpose is for what you want to work towards.
If you feel like you don't really know what you want in your life, use these free worksheets
Live your vision worksheets
Live your values worksheets
139. Are you TOO comfortable? And what is it costing you?
I love comfort (#typeninevibes) and I know that a lot of my comfort-seeking is more the AVOIDANCE of discomfort. I don't want to be uncomfortable.
What things make you uncomfortable?
For me they have been things like:
Taking my small kids out in public
Working on the conflicts in my marriage
Getting up in the mornings
Decluttering and organizing my home
Seeing my kid struggle or be upset
Go to a social event I was nervous about
Sitting with all the stress and anxiety I felt about motherhood and life
Paying attention to how my body was feeling
No matter how simple these may seem, they were things I was avoiding because they were uncomfortable.
But staying in what felt COMFORTABLE was coming at a cost.
What does 'staying where we are' cost us? It has a cost to our relationships, to our health, to the state of our home. This complacency costs us something.
When we realize what we have traded for comfort, it can make us feel shame.
When my eyes were opened to what my comfort was costing me I felt like something was wrong with me. I needed to 'do better' and 'be better'. The first step was letting go of the shame I felt about this. Then I had to make a plan what I wanted to do about it.
I decided I needed to TAKE ACTION.
Then I realized there were myths I believed about being Someone Who Takes Action. Myths like: it is easy, it comes naturally, it feels good, it feels motivating.
I realized that taking action felt very UNcomfortable
Listen in to this episode to hear:
* Why do we seek comfort
* The cost of seeking comfort
* A mindset shift to help you take action
* The purpose of discomfort
* Building your tolerance for discomfort
* Ways I made myself uncomfortable, on purpose
* A CHALLENGE to join in this month
Links mentioned in this episode:
Making motherhood harder than it needs to be
Live your values worksheets
Live your vision worksheets
The Life on Purpose Workbook
Small things can change your whole life
The Simple on Purpose Facebook group (make sure to answer the entry questions)
Tag me on Instagram Use the hashtag #uncomfortableonpurpose
SIMPLE PLEASURE OF THE WEEK
Is FIKA - the Swedish tradition of taking a coffee break, emphasis on the break part. At the heart of it is a slowing down and truly breaking. FIKA often includes coffee, a sweet treat, and a good conversation. But it can also be done solo as well.
I love to FIKA at my home with coffee, a treat, and staring out the window at trees.
We live in a culture of BUSY and it can be a badge of honour to never stop and res...
138. Is momlife UNFUN? How to be a more FUN MOM
Looking for ways to have more fun in motherhood and BE more fun as a mom? I have asked myself this question too.
Inside of our FB Group - Simple on Purpose Community, there comes a great question. The question was in essence, I can DO fun things with my kids, take them to swim, skate, and stuff, but how do I HAVE fun with my kids?
How do I BE fun?
In this episode, I’m going to elaborate on how I responded to that question.
When motherhood becomes too serious and the fun mom you once were disappears into the background, it’s time to take an honest look at the things that are stealing the fun. These days, there’s a lot of pressure on us to be both extremely involved and the perfect amount of detached. And while we were thinking about how to manage everything, there is one thing we seem to be missing — FUN.
We are all different types of moms, we all have different values we want to bring into motherhood. And let’s be real — sometimes we are in no mood for fun.
If fun is one of those values you want to be working on, don’t miss this opportunity to learn some tips and ideas on how to make things more fun as a mom.
In This Episode You’ll Learn:
What are the things that make life UNFUN [ 02:18 ]
The TOP TWO hurdles to having FUN [ 04:27 ]
Some ways and ideas on how to become a FUN mom [ 07:17 ]
Why FUN is a personal value [ 14:00 ]
Feature In this Episode:
Join our Facebook Group
When Did I Stop Enjoying My Kids? (and my journey back to enjoying them)
47. My husband’s take on setting vision and goals together
67. Making motherhood harder than it needs to be (Mom Martyr)
129. Does your ‘to-do list’ overwhelm you? Expectation overwhelm and how to handle it.
112. Are you parenting the wrong issue? (Power struggles and problem-solving)
Mothering Through Anxiety
46. Listening to your life (part 3 of SHOW UP FOR YOUR LIFE)
Spotify playlist: Kitchen Dance Party
Stay Connected with Shawna: Instagram / Facebook
Get in touch: firstname.lastname@example.org / a href="https://simpleonpurpose.
137. Back to school routines that we have in our house
It’s back to school time! Are you ready?
I know we have been enjoying the slow pace of summer and will need to put ourselves back on schedule to make back to school run more smoothly.
Over the years we have developed routines that we rely on in our school and workweek. I want to share our three favourites with you as you think about how you want to start out this new school year as a family.
How routines help our kids and us for school days
We can rely on routines to get stuff done. It gives us the momentum and predictability and these habits set for us.
I know what’s going to happen, and the kids know what to expect.
There's less drama over making transitions or how the kids are spending their time.
If you have a kid who struggles with anxiety, knowing their part of the routine helps relieve a lot of that anxiety.
How to make routines more effective
Introduce this system to your family, and coach them by creating that as a habit, reminding them repeatedly.
Give our kids reminders that are gentle and not heavy, hard and serious.
Do not be a bear about it.
I shared some more about how routines help in the episode on family Saturday morning chores
Our routines in the morning
We make our lunches the night before school.
The kids pack their lunch with a template we gave them.
We give enough time in the morning knowing how much time everything needs to be done.
The kids dress themselves and pack their bags.
Start leaving 10 minutes before we think we have to go. This gives buffer, so you don’t feel rushed or panicky in case something unexpected comes up.
After school routine
Before the kids come home, I give myself a pep talk about what kind of mom I want to show up. As the mom, that is a safe landing place for big feelings and frustrations accumulated throughout the day.
For the kids, it’s to hang up their backpacks, put their papers on the counter, put their lunch dishes in the sink, wash their hands.
Give them a snack or have them finish their lunch if they didn’t.
Things to remember when you build routines
Routines take time to build like any habit, so you want to be gentle with you and gentle with the kids.
Keep showing up consistently for what feels important.
Start as you mean to go. Start treating them how you want to be treating them in the long term.
Want to bring in some routines to your week? Try the Family Rhythms worksheets
SIMPLE PLEASURE OF THE WEEK
This month I went on a getaway with three of my mombesties. For some years now we try to get away for a couple of nights, or at least a nice dinner.
This time we went to a cheap motel, walked around, ate good food, had a little shopping and a little wine. My fave part was going to an afternoon movie the second day and then being in bed with us all reading by 930pm
But really I think the pleasure is just being with your friends, especially without kids. It is so special to spend time with your friends (date your friends) and I think it helps you fall in love with them even more/again.
Today, I want to talk about routines. We are getting back into school. And it's got me thinking about the routines that we pick up when school starts, I know that summer feels like our mornings,
136. How to do better, next summer (PROMPT episode)
How did your summer go? Anything you wish you that you did more of or less of?
Today I have a PROMPT episode for you - where I will prompt you through some helpful questions that I hope will help you live more intentionally. Specifically, having a summer on PURPOSE. So let's take a minute to stop and reflect on the ways you want to improve next summer by noting what you learned from THIS summer.
I share a bit of my story about
* having my kids close together in age
* learning I had the CHOICE to declutter and facing the basement of shame.
* wanting to live ON PURPOSE and let go of complacency
* becoming a life coach who walks other women through living with more peace, purpose, and presence in their lives
THIS IS A PROMPT EPISODE
The power of a prompt
* You take the time to slow down and access your PFC (prefrontal cortex), the part of your brain associated with long term planning and rational decision making
* You ask your brain a really good question
* You tap into the answers that are there within you, rather than looking for external solutions and ideas
The power of an evaluation
* You use what you have learned recently to make your life better (before you forget all the good things you learned!)
* You give this information a home, so you can come back to it later when you need it
* You are improving things little by little
How to use an evaluation
I use evaluations for special trips and holidays. This is why I added it to the Simple Christmas Planner.
I keep notes on what worked and what improvements can be made. I save them all in a google doc so I can search for them when the holiday season is back again.
You can also put reminders in your calendar that pop up before the season and link them to your evaluation notes (whether in a doc, notes app, or right in the calendar reminder)
The summer evaluation
Let's reflect on this summer and consider what you have learned from it that you can bring into next summer.
* What was great about this summer? (What do you want to do again, what did you love, what was helpful, what mindsets were empowering?)
* What do you want to do differently next year? (What do you want more of/less of, what to plan/prepare, what do you want to try that you didn't this year, mindsets to remember)
Make sure to set a reminder in your calendar to check your evaluation before break starts again next year! And there you go >> You used your past to make your future better
135. Procrastination tips for moms
Procrastination is an avoidant strategy and there are so many layers to it, why we do it, how to redirect it, how to accept it, and so on. It is also something almost everyone does and something that can cause a lot of shame, especially for moms
What is procrastination?
It is putting something off for later.
We all do it, everday. We put off phone calls and chores and errands.
So how do we know if we simply PRIORITIZING our time and energy of it we are procrastinating?
Why we procrastinate
There is a reason that deep down it is preferable to us to put off the task. Some reasons might include overwhelm, avoidance, all or nothing perfectionism, or we deep down don't want to do it.
How the brain responds to pending tasks
The brain has three jobs: seek pleasure, avoid pain, stay efficient.
When we have the thought about a task we 'should' do the brain responds inline with this criteria - will it produce pleasure or pain? does it require a lot of energy?
Procrastination is not always a bad thing
Sometimes procrastinating tasks can be a benefit. There are situations where it allows us to do better work, use the sense of urgency for energy, discover our true priorities, uncover some identity clutter we might have, and have less anxiety in the present.
Three ways procrastination can be a problem:
1. Because of what we do instead of the 'task'. We most likley turn to non-essential, short-term gratification activities. These often become our 'bad habits'.
2. Because of what is NOT getting done. Whether we feel like this moves us further away from our 'ideal' self (and make sure you know what that is!), piles up the chores, or becomes a way we do our life.
* Episode 129 on Expectation Overwhelm
* Get the Live you VISION worksheets
* Get the Live your VALUES worksheets
* Get the Life on Purpose Workbook
3. Because of what we think it means about us. As we procrastinate we start to identify as a procrastinator (and usually this is loaded with shame and judgement). Then we start to live into this limiting identiy we have of ourselves.
Three questions to help you deal with procrastination in your day
* Why do I want to avoid this task?
* Is this task important to my personal values and vision?
* Is this task a prioritiy TODAY?
* If yes, ask: what is one small step I can do to get started?
* If no, schedule it on the calendar and listen to episode 150 called Do You Trust Yourself to Show Up For You.
Full transcript of the episode (unedited)
Hey friends, it's Shawna, your nerdy girlfriend and life coach from simple on purpose.ca Welcome to the simple on purpose podcast. This is a place where I share ideas that I hope will inspire you to slow down, think about what matters to you your personal values, and do the work of showing up well for that.
Just want I was looking for!
The simple on purpose podcast has been exactly what I needed. The podcasts are a perfect length and have so much variety in topics! From minimalism, declutting and all the things that come with motherhood, I am loving the encouragement and guidance from Shawna to live my life with more purpose and passion and really show up for my kids, family and life! This podcast has changed my life!
Wake up call
The recent podcast on “feeling disappointed about Christmas this year” was a great wake up call to the denial I’ve been experiencing lately. Great questions and practical steps I can take to discover and embrace a new way of celebrating what I value in this season. These podcasts often “wake me up” to thoughts or feelings I didn’t even realize I had. I love the relaxed, easy format (not too long!) and it feels like having a nice chat over coffee with a good friend.
The content really resonates with me
Your podcast really speaks to me, Shawna. You speak about the struggles I have with myself inside my mind on a daily basis. It’s very relieving to hear your soothing voice when my mind speaks negatively to me during my busy days wrestling with the mum tasks. Thank you.