Coffee With Dr. Kashey Dr. Trevor Kashey

In this episode, Dr. Kashey challenges common notions about the true nature of frustration. Rather than an emotion, he frames frustration as an event obstructing our progress. When frustrations happen, the thoughts and feelings they provoke drive our reactions. While the phrase "I'm frustrated" expresses upset, Dr. Kashey argues feeling so is a choice, not an inherent feature of frustrations. Though they thwart desires, overcoming frustrations builds perseverance and leads to fulfillment. Lack of appropriate frustration causes misery through boredom. Yet when we automatically see frustrations negatively, it becomes the justification for distress - a self-imposed barrier to happiness. The most self-actualized people interpret frustrations positively, as productive drivers of growth and understanding. He argues that avoiding frustrations erodes tolerance, and embracing them builds the capacity to respond rationally. Dr. Kashey recommends "reclassifying frustrations as good" reframing them as necessary stepping stones rather than causes for angst.

In this episode, Dr. Kashey explores the second type of frustration aversion leading to the "frustration aversion paradox" procrastination, or as he calls it, "frustration aversion by delay." Dr. Kashey explains when frustration tolerance is low or frustration sensitivity high, people become highly impulsive and likely to make poor decisions. He argues that procrastination occurs when you imagine some future frustration, tell yourself an anxious narrative about needing to avoid failure, and thus create real emotional frustration in the present. To escape this, you avoid the task entirely as a "purposeful delay" and distraction. Dr. Kashey outlines how this cascade happens when you envision a frustrating responsibility looming, and Instead of thinking rationally, you catastrophize. This whips up real anxiety now, and you avert dealing with those feelings via procrastination. Since the imagined frustration persists, so does the desire to distract yourself. Before you know it, you've created lasting misery and problems across life domains. Dr. Kashey suggests that the solution lies in calling out the BS stories we tell ourselves about imagined frustrations. As frustration tolerance increases, sensitivity decreases, creating space for rational deliberation. and Dr. Kashey encourages us to "STFU" and confront the automatic narratives driving procrastination and avoidance.

In this episode, Dr. Kashey dives deeper into the psychology of frustration, analyzing the dysfunctional ways we often respond to frustrating situations. He highlights two common but distorted coping mechanisms "out of sight, out of mind" and "out of mind, out of sight." Though temporarily effective at avoiding frustration, Dr. Kashey explains how these tactics inevitably backfire, fueling the "frustration version paradox." Dr. Kashey reveals the absurdity in believing frustrations simply disappear if ignored or only exist when acknowledged. He keenly highlights our tendency to respond reflexively to frustrations with rhetorical "why bother" questions and meaningless "face noises" rather than thoughtful analysis. Dr. Kashey prescribes his signature "S-T-F-U" framework to transform knee-jerk reactions into purposeful responses. By encouraging more conscious processing of frustrations, Dr. Kashey seeks to help listeners break free of avoidance patterns that perpetuate rather than resolve issues. Tune in now and get the courage to engage productively with life's unavoidable irritations, progressing towards patience and peace.

In this episode, Dr. Kashey unravels the psychology behind our dysfunctional relationships with sex, drugs, and snacks. He keenly explains how suppression fuels obsession, with restriction intensifying rather than lessening compulsive desires. Dr. Kashey then insightfully exposes the false equivalencies people construct between food and substances, whether cookie butter is "crack" or trigger foods are forbidden fruit. He argues that we always associate mere snacks with dangerous powers they do not inherently possess. Dr. Kashey says that enjoyment in eating is natural when we are truly hungry. It is only when we seek empty sensory gratification, indulging cravings from emotional distress, that food transforms into a vehicle of escapism, bringing momentary pleasure but lasting harm. He stresses that the solution lies in mindfully separating nourishment from indulgence. Finally, Dr. Kashey names the absurdity of "follow your heart," winning his contest for worst advice. He suggests that progress lies not in avoidance strategies but in courageously confronting ourselves with radical honesty.

In this episode, Dr. Kashey shares a vulnerable post from Huggy, who opens up about his struggles with severe depression and suicidal thoughts. Even with mono taking a physical toll, Huggy explains how using the frustration framework - tracking data, crafting actionable tied-to variables under his control, and leaning on wisdom tools like "STFU" - has helped diminish depressive episodes and dark urges. With honesty and humor, Dr. Kashey talks about Huggy's struggle with depression, arguing that thinking clearly and knowing yourself can help when life is hard. From Huggy's experience, Dr. Kashey tells us: Think logically, find humor even when it's tough, and keep trying to live a life you feel proud of. This uplifting talk honestly covers mental health and resilience and reminds us to think rationally, stay hopeful, and stay connected with others.

In this episode Dr. Kashey discusses the two main types of frustration aversion: outright avoidance/aversion (like George Costanza's unemployment scheme on Seinfeld) and delay/procrastination. He then breaks down outright aversion into two further categories: "out of sight, out of mind" and "out of mind, out of sight." Using examples like chronic dieting struggles, Dr. Kashey explains how these distorted belief systems falsely assume that ignoring or avoiding problems will resolve them. However, this only perpetuates the frustration when reality conflicts with unrealistic expectations. He emphasizes the need to rectify these irrational beliefs rather than rely on restriction or avoidance. He discusses how blame and permission for lack of responsibility emerge from the frustration paradox when people abdicate resolving their issues to external factors.