Journal Gently: Helping Introverted Women Find Healing After Grief, Hurt, and Trauma Kari Bartkus, Spiritual Director for Christian Women

Have you ever had someone offer some sort of support or help to you that you didn’t necessarily want, but you didn’t know how to say no without hurting their feelings?
When you are hurting or struggling or need some extra help, you do get to have a say in the matter. You can choose which counselor you want to meet with. You can decide which friends to confide in. You can determine which activities are healthy for you and which ones are not. You look at what’s available to you and make a choice.
In short, you have the power to choose.
Not everyone is going to understand your choices, and that’s okay. The important thing is that you are letting God lead you in those decisions and that you are staying close to Him. You don’t want to make decisions out of guilt or fear or because you’re mad at someone. But you do want to make smart, healthy, God-honoring decisions when you are hurting. And sometimes that means saying no to someone else.
Today, I want to help you learn how to politely decline an offer of help—especially when it comes from someone you love. 
Kari
 
>> Grab your copy of my Courageous Care book
http://lovedoesthat.org/care
 
RELATED EPISODES + RESOURCES:
·       Episode 11: How to Ask for Help When You Need It
·       Episode 49: Finding Your Stretcher Bearers: The People Who Can Help Carry You Through a Difficult Season
·       Episode 70: What to Do When You Don't Have Anyone to Encourage You, When It Seems No One Cares
·       Episode 78: Tips for When You're Afraid of Being Misunderstood
______
>> Free Journaling Workshop: 3 ways to encounter God on the pages of your journal
http://lovedoesthat.org/journalingworkshop
>> Journal Gently: An 8-week program designed to help you process grief and trauma with God
http://lovedoesthat.org/journalgently
 
Music by DappyTKeys

Have you ever wondered what it was like to experience a spiritual direction session? What happens? What do you talk about?
While some coaches will air live coaching sessions, I can’t very well do that, for two different reasons. One, I don’t do live spiritual direction sessions, since I focus on written spiritual direction. And two, spiritual direction is often deeply personal, and many women would hesitate to air that in front of an audience.
But I still want to help you get a glimpse of what written spiritual direction can look like. So today, I am going to share with you some letters that a client and I have written to each other. 
Cindy has graciously given me permission to share these, and to use her real name, because she has experienced the power of spiritual direction in written form, and she is passionate about helping others experience that, too.
I invite you to pay attention to anything that it stirs up in you: any questions, any desires, any beliefs. Write those down in your journal and talk about them with God. 
Kari
 
>> Sign up for Written Spiritual Direction
http://lovedoesthat.org/spiritualdirection 
 
RELATED EPISODES + RESOURCES:
·       Episode 33: Written Spiritual Direction: How Letters and Messages Can Create Space for God
·       Episode 66: [Written Spiritual Direction Session] Loneliness
·       Episode 87: [Written Spiritual Direction] When Temptation Comes Your Way
______
>> Free Journaling Workshop: 3 ways to encounter God on the pages of your journal
http://lovedoesthat.org/journalingworkshop
>> Journal Gently: An 8-week program designed to help you process grief and trauma with God
http://lovedoesthat.org/journalgently
>> Grab your copy of my Courageous Care book
http://lovedoesthat.org/care
 
Music by DappyTKeys

A few weeks ago, I led the first Journal Gently Mini Workshop. During this time, I took one piece of the Journal Gently program and expanded it to an hour of teaching and writing exercises. We focused on perspective and the role it plays not just in our journaling but in our healing, as well.
 And today, I’m going to play a short section from the mini workshop where I talked about one very specific requirement of our journaling practice. A lot of things about journaling are flexible and personal, but this is one thing you can’t do without.
If you found this part of the workshop helpful and are interested in joining the full 8-week Journal Gently program, you can do so at lovedoesthat.org/journalgently.
Without further ado, here’s your behind-the-scenes look into the Journal Gently Mini Workshop. 
Kari
 
 
RELATED EPISODES + RESOURCES:
·      Episode 54: 4 Simple Ways to Start (or Keep) Journaling
·      Episode 144: How to Create Both a Short and Long Journaling Routine
______
>> Free Journaling Workshop: 3 ways to encounter God on the pages of your journal
http://lovedoesthat.org/journalingworkshop
>> Journal Gently: An 8-week program designed to help you process grief and trauma with God
http://lovedoesthat.org/journalgently
>> Grab your copy of my Courageous Care book
http://lovedoesthat.org/care
 
Music by DappyTKeys
 

“Mom, I need a tank top!” 
“Okay, borrow one of mine.”
“Mom, I’m out of body wash.”
“You can use my soap until we get you some more.”
“Mom, I can’t find my brush.”
“Go ahead and use mine.”
My daughter is now at the age where she is starting to share and borrow some of my things. And most of the time, it’s completely okay.
But I will admit that there are some things she asks to use that I am a lot more reluctant to say “yes” to.
Like some of my art supplies.
Or my favorite chocolate.
Or my seat on the couch.
Why is it that I hold these things more closely than the others?
It’s a question I’ve been thinking about a lot lately. And I’ve been paying more attention to other places where I might be feeling possessive, too.
So I thought I might explore this idea together with you today. What are you feeling possessive of—and why? And what might God be inviting us to do with it?
 Kari
 
RELATED EPISODES + RESOURCES:
·      Episode 130: Is Your Hurt Preventing You From Loving Others Well?
·      Episode 135: Identifying Signs You're Not Doing Well (And What You Can Do About It)
·      Episode 98: Grief Has A Way Of… Well, Getting In The Way: A Personal Letter From Me To You
______
>> Free Journaling Workshop: 3 ways to encounter God on the pages of your journal
http://lovedoesthat.org/journalingworkshop
>> Journal Gently: An 8-week program designed to help you process grief and trauma with God
http://lovedoesthat.org/journalgently
 >> Grab your copy of my Courageous Care book
http://lovedoesthat.org/care
 
Music by DappyTKeys

It’s almost a If You Give a Mouse a Cookie type story. You know the one? If you give a mouse a cookie, he’s going to want a glass of milk. If you give him a glass of milk, he’ll probably ask you for a straw.” And so on.
Well, if you vacuum while the dog’s sleeping, then you’re going to wake him up.
If you wake him up, he’s going to need to go outside.
If he goes outside, he might get all muddy from digging in the dirt.
If he gets all muddy, he’s going to need a bath.
If you give the dog a bath, you’re going to get all wet.
If you get all wet, you’ll need to change your clothes.
And on and on it can go.
There are a lot of responsibilities we juggle as women, and while maybe a bit silly, I think my example shows that we can have some guidelines to keep us focused on what matters most and taking advantage of opportunities that come our way.
Let me share a few more examples of how we might prioritize our tasks and still finish what needs to get done by keeping things in their proper order.
Kari
 
RELATED EPISODES + RESOURCES:
·      Episode 32: Using Pockets of Time in Your Schedule to Encourage Others
·      Episode 48: The Power of Pre-Deciding in Difficult Seasons
______
>> Free Journaling Workshop: 3 ways to encounter God on the pages of your journal
http://lovedoesthat.org/journalingworkshop
>> Journal Gently: An 8-week program designed to help you process grief and trauma with God
http://lovedoesthat.org/journalgently
>> Grab your copy of my Courageous Care book
http://lovedoesthat.org/care
 
Music by DappyTKeys

“I don’t want to face that again. It feels like too much.” 
Many of my clients have experienced tremendous grief or trauma in their lives, and as we seek God together through our writing back and forth, there is often a pressure they are feeling—whether from themselves or family members or friends—to use journaling to write about their deepest wounds.
And friend, you already know I believe in the power of journaling. It is a great practice that can help us process difficult experiences and emotions and be more aware of how God is moving in our lives.
And yet… we do have to use some wisdom in what we write about. We have to pay attention to how our journaling is impacting us.
Because there are times when you might fear that journaling about a specific experience will be too much, that it will bring back memories or feelings that you have no desire to re-live. What do you do in that situation?
Today, I want to teach you about the Flip-Out Rule and what it means for both your journaling practice and your journey of healing. I think it will be a great guideline as you discern what you should—and should not—write about. Are you ready?
Kari
 
RELATED EPISODES + RESOURCES:
·      Journal Gently Mini Workshop: http://lovedoesthat.org/jgworkshop
·      John 16:12-13 (NLT): “There is so much more I want to tell you, but you can’t bear it now. When the Spirit of truth comes, he will guide you into all truth.”
·      Bonus Episode 15: I Will Not Be Afraid
______
>> Free Journaling Workshop: 3 ways to encounter God on the pages of your journal
http://lovedoesthat.org/journalingworkshop
>> Journal Gently: An 8-week program designed to help you process grief and trauma with God
http://lovedoesthat.org/journalgently
>> Grab your copy of my Courageous Care book
http://lovedoesthat.org/care
 
Music by DappyTKeys