Conversations with Annalisa Barbieri Annalisa Barbieri

How we are in relationships can tell us not only an extraordinary amount about ourselves, but also how we were brought up. Family patterns can be repeated in every relationship we go onto have.
Here I talk about to psychoanalytic psychotherapist Susannah Abse who has over thirty years experience in helping couples. Susannah was CEO of the charity, Tavistock Relationships, for ten years. She has also been Chair of the British Psychoanalytic Council, of which she is a member.
Her book Tell me the Truth About Love, 13 Tales From the Therapists Couch, came out in Spring 2022.
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Grief and death are terrifying words for many of us. Of all the emotions, I’ve found, we really try to body swerve grief. But the thing is, grief doesn't go away if you ignore it. You can't cheat grief, so in this episode we try to look it in the face and talk about why it's important to start processing it and how you might go about this.
I speak with psychotherapist and bereaved mother Jane Harris. I first met Jane, and her photographer and film-maker husband Jimmy Edmunds, almost ten years ago. Their son, Josh, had died in a road accident in Vietnam two years earlier. He was 22.
I'd gone to interview Jane and Jimmy for an article I was writing for the Guardian family section on how to organise a different sort of funeral.
Despite their pain, they were so generous and meeting them changed me and my approach to death and grief.
Jane and Jimmy created the Good Grief Project, a charity dedicated to creative and active approaches to grief. They run some amazing retreats for the bereaved and have made some wonderful films, and written books. You can read all about them here: www.thegoodgriefproject.co.uk where you can also find links to their films: Beyond Goodbye, Say their Name, and the award winning A Love that Never dies.
Their next book, When Words are Not Enough - Creative Approaches to Grief is out in November 2022 with an introduction by our very own Dr Kathryn Mannix who spoke so eloquently on the death episode in Series One.
Cruse also provides amazing bereavement support. And for children there's the excellent Winston's Wish.
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This was a listener requested topic. Boundaries form the basis of all our relationships, be they with family, work colleagues or romantic partners. Boundaries even matter if you're travelling on public transport! In this episode Armele Philpotts explains how anger is a really useful tool to alert us to a boundary being crossed. How to make boundaries, what they tell us about ourselves, and how to keep them.
Armele is a psychotherapist in private practice who specialises in healthy relationships and the effects of trauma. Her website is at: https://apcounselling.wordpress.com/
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I get a lot of problems about adoption, usually, but not always, from the adopters who are struggling but are mired in shame that they cannot cope. Once someone has been through the process of adoption it can be very hard for them to admit they are finding it tough. But in this podcast we also hear from an adoptee, because that's the other side that I hear from (and often a voice which is missing when adoption is discussed). When adoptees write to me, they often talk of constantly looking for something, as if something is missing, or they feel 'unlovable', no matter how much they are in fact loved. In turn they feel they can't talk about this for fear of upsetting their adoptive parents. And there's a narrative that adoptees are 'lucky' and 'chosen' which makes voicing any negative feelings very hard.
In this episode I talk to psychotherapist and adoption specialist Alison Roy who once said that parents who adopt children often have a 'three course meal of love prepared for the child, but the child can only handle a teaspoon at a time'. This phrase really resonated with my readers.
Alison's book is called A is for Adoption and it's a highly recommended read. She also recommends some other resources:
Books:
https://www.theguardian.com/childrens-books-site/2015/oct/22/top-10-books-about-adoption-chosen-by-adopted-children
Alison’s book A is For Adoption:
https://www.routledge.com/A-for-Adoption-An-Exploration-of-the-Adoption-Experience-for-Families-and/Roy/p/book/9780367439477
It Didn't Start With You - Mark Wolynn
The Primal Wound - Nancy Verrier
Why love matters by Sue Gerhardt
The Red Dust Road by Jackie Kay
Parenting Matters: Parenting a child with difficulties in learning caused by trauma
Respark by Dr Graham Music
The secret garden by Frances Hodgson Burnett
How are you peeling by Saxton Freymann
Why be happy when you could be normal by Jeanette Winterson
Children and young people
feeling different - bullying: https://www.bbc.co.uk/newsround/54964969
Books about adoption for children/older children
The Unmapped Chronicles and Sky Song - Abi Elphinstone
Dragon Rider - Cornelia Funke
The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson-Burnett
The Northern Light Trilogy - Philip Pullman
The Polar Bear Explorer’s Club - Alex Bell
Websites and useful articles
How to win an argument with a teenager https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2016/may/07/how-to-win-an-argument-with-a-teenager
Coram BAAF https://corambaaf.org.uk
Adopt UK https://www.adoptionuk.org

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Dementia is a word which we've become increasingly familiar with over the years, but still, understandably, strikes fear in our hearts. In this episode I talk to Julie Green, Dementia UK's Deputy Clinical Lead and an Admiral nurse with thirty years experience caring for the elderly, twelve of them in a dementia specialist role.
We talk about the types of dementia, how best to 'be' with someone who has dementia eg: should you enter their world or correct their mistakes?
Caring for someone with dementia is isolating and can be soul destroying. Dementia UK has lots of useful information on its website: dementiauk.org and has a great helpline, run by trained Admiral nurses: 0800 888 6678.
Julie also recommends two books: Validation: Feil Method by Naomi Feil; and Dementia Reconsidered, Revisited; the person sill comes first by Tom Kitwood.
I hope you find this episode supportive and helpful.
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How many of us had really good sex education, or anything that goes beyond the mere biological? In this episode I talk to COSRT and UKCP registered Silva Neves about what we wish we’d learnt, how to have ‘The Conversation’ with your children and why it should start probably earlier than you think and around the dinner table. We cover consent, why porn isn’t sex education. We also talk about the fun aspects of sex. 
Silva's book: Compulsive Sexual Behaviours.
Book recommendations:
What’s Happening to my Body for Girls or Boys.; Hair in Funny Places.; My Mummy Laid an Egg.
Bishuk - for at fourteen year olds and over.
If you’re a child and something is happening which is worrying you, Child Line https://www.childline.org.uk tel: 0800 1111.
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