EmpowerMENt - exploring domestic abuse against men EmpowerMENt

Episode 6

In this concluding episode Farheen and Helen reflect on their amazing guests from episodes 2 to 5 and describe the impact of their conversations and what they took from each of them.

Farheen and Helen identified the passion and commitment that Louisa Rolfe OBE brought to her work and being better able to understand the landscape of domestic abuse from their discussion with her.

They describe how Mark Brooks OBE took time to outline the behaviours of domestic abuse and provide a simple message that it is not acceptable. Also how Mark explained that it is possible to leave an abusive relationship and maintain positivity.

Farheen and Helen reflected on how Asher Majeed emphasised that sharing experiences will reinforce further sharing and build a community for support and most importantly that victims are not alone.

Finally, recalling that Ippo Panteloudakis reinforced the message that victims have the right to demand a respectful response. He advocated a wide ranging increase in help seeking and the importance of tailoring the approach to every person and being open minded when offering support.

Inspirational Quote

In this final episode Farheen describes her inspiration quote from Dr Seuss:

“Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened.”

Farheen and Helen would like to provide the direct links to where anyone affected by the content of these podcasts can obtain help, guidance and support:

https://www.thegirlsnetwork.org.uk/

https://www.police.uk/

https://www.met.police.uk/

https://news.met.police.uk/news/teenage-girls-mentor-top-met-officers-432633

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/av/uk-england-london-58351814

https://www.victimsupport.org.uk/crime-info/types-crime/domestic-abuse/

https://www.gov.uk/guidance/domestic-abuse-how-to-get-help

https://www.mankind.org.uk/

https://www.nexgenwellbeing.com/

https://www.respect.uk.net/

Ippo Panteloudakis is Head of Services for Respect, leading on Membership, Training, Events, and Accreditation for male victims and Helplines. Ippo joined Respect in 2004 to set up the Respect Phoneline, a pilot helpline for domestic abuse perpetrators. As Phoneline Coordinator, he was the third member of staff Respect employed. In 2007, Ippo relaunched the Men's Advice Line, a helpline for male victims of domestic abuse.

Ippo has a strong interest in data collection and analysis that support evidence-based service delivery and learning dissemination. Ippo has helped develop Respect's Toolkit for Work with Male Victims, training for frontline workers and the Respect Male Victims' Standard, UK's first accreditation scheme for services supporting male victims.

Respect are a pioneering domestic abuse organisation developing safe, effective work with perpetrators, male victims and young people who use violence.

Episode 5

In this episode Farheen, Helen and Ippo begin by considering why reporting of domestic abuse is lower with men. Ippo believes that men are socialised to be strong and therefore seek help less. Ippo explains how important it is to normalise help seeking emphasising that admitting something is not okay is a sign of strength.

Ippo describes how there are less services specifically available for men, and societies view of a male victim remains problematic too. Based on his experience Ippo believes campaigns and support services need to consider a range of needs and take a few different approaches to this topic. As an example, Respect provides an innovative option of speaking with either male or female advisors on their helpline.

Finally Ippo talks passionately about how victims should not simply be given access to support but have the right to demand a respectful and thoughtful response.

Inspirational Quote

For this episode, Helen took her inspirational quote from Mother Teresa:

“I alone cannot change the world, but I can cast a stone across the waters to create many ripples.”

Links

https://www.respect.uk.net/

https://www.respect.uk.net/pages/ippo-panteloudakis

Asher Majeed is the founder & CEO of NexgenWellbeing.com.

Nexgen Wellbeing give young people the platform, resources & support to contribute ideas, initiatives & campaigns that promote youth wellbeing and aid in the fightback against deteriorating mental health.

Its Mission Statement is to; draw attention to the mental health crisis unfolding amongst the youth; eradicate the stigma attached to discussing mental health; create and sustain a platform through which the youth can contribute to the discourse on mental health wellbeing and to provide resources to enhance the wellbeing and strengthen the mental health of the next generation.

Episode 4

In this episode Farheen, Helen and Asher focus on the importance of involving young people in developing the ideas and delivering the solutions to the combined issues of the mental health crisis and domestic abuse. He highlights the importance of curiosity.

Asher talks very passionately about the societal issues which leads to a discrepancy in the support available for men compared to women and the need to normalise talking about the issues and seeking support. Asher highlights the particularly unique upbringing young people today have, such as the power of social media - and how important it is to consider this medium in seeking solutions.

Drawing on his experiences with mental health Asher comments on the huge developments which have been made, the empowerment of recognising “it’s not just me [you]” and how something as small as a podcast can be inspirational - it was for him.

Finally Asher discusses how supporting victims to build up their mental health, self-esteem, develop coping mechanisms and emotional intelligence can encourage someone to seek help, and the unique opportunity provided by Nexgen Wellbeing for young people, by young people.

Inspirational Quote

For this episode, Helen took her inspiration from the beginning of the quote from Theoretical Physicist Stephen Hawking:

“Remember to look up at the stars and not down at your feet. Try to make sense of what you see and wonder about what makes the universe exist. Be curious.”

Links

https://www.nexgenwellbeing.com/

https://uk.linkedin.com/in/ashermajeed

Mark Brooks is a national communications, domestic abuse and equalities advisor with the latter focussed on the wellbeing of men and boys in the UK. He is now a national leader and voice in the field of men and boys’ wellbeing and the barriers they face, and is Chair of the ManKind Initiative domestic abuse charity. He is also co-founder and trustee of the Men and Boys Coalition charity; National Lead Organiser and Ambassador for International Men’s Day in the UK, a member of the Government’s (Levelling Up, Housing and Communities Department) expert panel on safe accommodation for domestic abuse victims, and Policy advisor for the All-Party Parliamentary Group on Issues Affecting Men and Boys.

Mark was awarded an OBE in 2019 for his charity work in supporting male victims of domestic abuse, the first in the UK ever to do so.

The Mankind Initiative, a leading UK charity, provides support to male victims of domestic abuse and championing the needs of men and their children who need to escape from abusive relationships.

Episode 3

In this episode Farheen and Helen discuss with Mark his experience on what the barriers are that prevent men talking about the topic of domestic abuse, and the challenge as to what is being done to encourage male victims into seeking support.

As well as speaking about the impact of the male gender stereotype Mark talks about behaviours of domestic abuse and outlines how young people can be generally very good at identifying these behaviours but unfortunately there is a disconnect with the technical language. Mark explains about how there is a discrepancy between how the friends and family of a man will be less likely to act on behaviours they spot, than those of a woman. He goes on to describe examples of behaviour displayed by abusers.

Mark talks about how his approach is to focus and communicate the behaviours and help people recognise that “toxic, manipulative and coercive” behaviours seen in these relationships should be identified as domestic abuse. Mark finally touches on the vulnerability of young men in first relationships and the variety of places available to get help and support.

Inspirational Quotes

For this episode, Farheen chose her inspirational quote from Joan Rivers:

“Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift, that's why we call it the present.”

Mark also shares his inspirational quote from “Hamlet” by William Shakespeare

“To be, or not to be, that is the question” and explained its relevance to him and his work.

Links

https://www.mankind.org.uk/

https://mark-brooks.co.uk/

Assistant Commissioner Louisa Rolfe started her career in policing in Avon and Somerset Police, where she rose from being a neighbourhood police constable to becoming one of the country’s most senior female officers.

In June 2020 she joined the Metropolitan Police Service as Assistant Commissioner for Met Operations, where she was appointed to lead on the MPS’s response to Violence against Women and Girls.

AC Rolfe has been the National Police Chief’s Council lead for Domestic Abuse since 2013. She led the UK police response to HMIC’s report ‘Everyone’s Business’ – focused on improving the response to domestic abuse – urging forces to prioritise domestic abuse and securing substantial improvements across the service. Her work in this area was recognised in the 2019 New Year’s Honours being awarded an OBE. AC Rolfe has now taken on the role of the NPCC lead for Violence and Public Protection.

Episode 2

In this episode Farheen and Helen discuss with Louisa the possible motivations behind the significant under-reporting of domestic abuse by men - with statistically only one in four men reporting the offence, despite indications that one in three men have suffered domestic abuse.

Louisa outlines the work which is being done to overcome stigma and confidence issues in policing and community engagement. They talk through avenues for support and close deliberating the future of the issue and possible breakthrough solutions.

Inspirational Quote

For this episode, Helen chose her inspirational quote from “The Hill We Climb” by Amanda Gorman:

“And so we lift our gaze, not to what stands between us, but what stands before us.”

Links

https://www.met.police.uk/

https://www.police.uk/

https://www.victimsupport.org.uk/crime-info/types-crime/domestic-abuse/

https://www.gov.uk/guidance/domestic-abuse-how-to-get-help

Legislation.gov.uk. 2021. Domestic Abuse Act 2021. [online] Available at: [Accessed 18 November 2021].

Biographies

Farheen Khan is 18, a law student from East London. She says, “I'm an enthusiastic individual who strongly believes in personal development. I have a huge passion for public speaking and journaling because I love to be expressive and share empowering messages and my amazing journey with Helen has allowed me to do that. I’m a current ambassador for The Girl's Network. I believe that your self-worth is determined by you and working with Helen has truly inspired me to remember how important it is to see beyond yourself and to never give up and create something impactful”. 

Helen Ball is an Assistant Commissioner in the Metropolitan Police. She explains, “I have been honoured to be mentored by Farheen and, as part of that, to reignite an old passion - that of tackling domestic abuse. In my current policing role, I lead for the Met in the areas of learning and development, professional standards and crime prevention, inclusion and engagement. I love being inspired, which Farheen never fails to do, working to prevent crime and helping others to develop and succeed”.

Episode 1

In this preparatory episode Farheen and Helen introduce themselves. They talk about how they were introduced to each other as part of the pilot programme of a reverse-mentoring scheme between the Metropolitan Police Service and the Girl’s Network (link below). Farheen and Helen touch on how their relationship started, how it has developed and what they have learned on their journey together as part of the scheme.

Farheen and Helen introduce what and why they are seeking to explore and achieve together as part of this short podcast series:


Why don’t young men report domestic abuse?
What can be done to change this?

Inspirational Quotes

During their mentorship, Farheen and Helen learned that they had a shared love of Inspirational quotes, and decided that each episode should be opened with an inspirational quote relevant to the specific discussion. In this Podcast Farheen chose hers from Adam Braun:

 “Creating something new is easy, creating something that lasts is the challenge.”

Domestic Abuse

Domestic Abuse is defined in English law (Domestic Abuse Act 2021) as:

Behaviour of a person (“A”) towards another person (“B”) is “domestic abuse” if—

A and B are each aged 16 or over and are personally connected to each other, and the behaviour is abusive.

Behaviour is “abusive” if it consists of any of the following—


physical or sexual abuse;
violent or threatening behaviour;
controlling or coercive behaviour;
economic abuse;
psychological, emotional or other abuse;

and it does not matter whether the behaviour consists of a single incident or a course of conduct.

Useful Links

https://www.thegirlsnetwork.org.uk/

https://www.police.uk/

https://www.met.police.uk/

https://news.met.police.uk/news/teenage-girls-mentor-top-met-officers-432633

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/av/uk-england-london-58351814

Legislation.gov.uk. 2021. Domestic Abuse Act 2021. [online] Available at: [Accessed 18 November 2021].