Out Late With David David Cotton

Summary  

Charles Vollmer, a successful California chef, shares his journey of coming out later in life and the challenges he faced. After being outed by his wife, he left his possessions behind and started a new life in San Miguel, Mexico. He is rebuilding his career as a culinary teacher and started sharing his story on social media. Charles discusses the unique challenges faced by men who come out later in life, the impact on their families, and the need for support and understanding. He emphasizes the importance of being true to oneself and finding a community of like-minded individuals.  

Keywords:  coming out, late in life, challenges, rebuilding, support, community  

Takeaways
Coming out later in life can be a challenging and traumatic experience, but it can also lead to personal growth and happiness.The impact on family and relationships can be significant, and rebuilding trust and understanding takes time.Finding a supportive community and seeking professional help can be crucial in navigating the complexities of coming out later in life.Being true to oneself and embracing authenticity is essential for personal fulfillment and living a fulfilling life.  Titles
The Importance of Support and UnderstandingRebuilding After Coming Out: Finding a New Path  Sound Bites
"Divorcing, giving up my San Francisco Bay home of 30 years and everything in it, donating 99% of my clothing and personal belongings and selling my car. I left for Europe to begin my life over at 61."Chapters 
00:00  Introduction: Charles Vollmer's Journey10:38  Starting Over: Rebuilding After Coming Out25:00  Reflections and Regrets: Lessons Learned30:59  Advice for Others: Taking Your Time and Finding Support  About Charles Vollmar
Epicurean Exchange Culinary Travel:   www.epexculinarytravel.comBlog:  www.epicureanglobalexchange.comFacebook, Threads, Instagram: All @ CharlesVollmarBook Recommendation: Gay Men and The New Way Forward, by Raymond L. Rigoglioso - https://a.co/d/1AROMMu  

Podcast website and resources: https://www.OutLateWithDavid.com  

YouTube Edition:  https://youtu.be/SLJXxU-wUaw 

YouTube Channel:  https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCvsthP9yClKI4o5LxbuQnOg  

Certified Professional Life Coach, David Cotton:  https://www.DavidCottonCoaching.com  

Contact me:  mailto:david@davidcottoncoaching.com

Dan Bolen - at age 70 he came out as gay, was kicked out of his church and ended his second marriage

Summary

Dan Bolen shares his journey of self-discovery and acceptance as a gay man after living a life of denial and fear. He discusses the challenges he faced in a restrictive religious community and the fear of losing his family and friends. Dan's story highlights the importance of being honest with oneself and embracing authenticity. He emphasizes the power of finding a supportive community and having a voice. Dan's memoir and podcast serve as a source of inspiration and empowerment for others on a similar journey.

Takeaways Be honest with yourself and define who you are.Don't look for someone outside of you to define who you are.Finding a supportive community is crucial for self-acceptance.Having a voice and embracing authenticity are empowering.Chapters

00:00 Introduction and Background
01:02 Realizing Difference and Fear of Rejection
03:17 Burying and Denying One's True Self
04:13 Marriage and Denial of Sexuality
05:38 Disfellowshiped and Shunned by the Church
07:30 Accepting Bisexuality as a Coping Mechanism
08:55 Accepting and Embracing Authentic Self 1
0:07 Coming Out and the Lowest Point
11:02 First Experience with a Man and Validation
12:29 Divorce and Finding a New Community
15:17 Defining Self and Having a Voice
24:21 Being Honest with Yourself
27:32 Advice for Those Questioning Their Sexuality
29:06 Reflection and Impact

Dan Bolen's Memoir: The Courage to be Courageous: https://a.co/d/6x7yl0r

Dan Bolen's Website: https://danbolen.com/

Book Recommendation: Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We live, Love, Parent, and Lead by Brené Brown. https://a.co/d/ah7pXuT

Podcast website and resources: https://www.OutLateWithDavid.com

YouTube Edition: https://youtu.be/Axp2j_lgVMM

Certified Professional Life Coach, David Cotton: https://www.DavidCottonCoaching.com

Contact me: mailto:david@davidcottoncoaching.com

Summary

In this episode David interviews Larry Best, a retired trial lawyer who came out 20 years into his marriage, now living a full life with his partner and husband of 20 years. Their conversation explores the coming out journey of Larry, who shares his unique story of coming out to his business partner and wife. Larry's decision to come out was driven by a combination of personal factors, including the need to be true to himself and the impact it was having on his mental health. The reactions from his business partner and wife varied, with his business partner making a joke and his wife experiencing a range of emotions. Larry's decision to get married was influenced by societal expectations and the belief that he could suppress his attraction to men. However, he eventually realized that he had been living a lie and needed to come out. The process of telling his wife and children was challenging, with mixed reactions from each family member. Larry and his wife initially tried to maintain a co-parenting relationship, but over time, their relationship deteriorated. Larry also faced challenges in his professional life, with some clients distancing themselves after learning about his sexual orientation. However, he eventually transitioned to a successful career as a plaintiff lawyer. Overall, Larry's story highlights the complexities and emotional impact of coming out and navigating relationships and careers. In this conversation, Larry shares his experience of coming out and how it changed his perception of the world. He discusses the importance of joining LGBTQ political and social organizations to connect with the community. Larry also talks about how he found his partner and offers advice for men who are at the beginning of the coming out process. He emphasizes the need for support and understanding for spouses and family members during this time.

Takeaways
Coming out is a deeply personal and complex journey, with each individual facing unique challenges and reactions from loved ones.The decision to get married while suppressing one's true sexual orientation can lead to internal conflict and a sense of living a lie.The process of coming out can have a significant emotional impact on spouses and children, with reactions ranging from relief to anger and despair.Supporting loved ones through the coming out process requires patience, understanding, and a willingness to be present and listen.Coming out can have professional implications, with potential challenges in maintaining client relationships and navigating workplace dynamics. Coming out can change one's perception of the world and the people in it.Joining LGBTQ political and social organizations can provide a social network and help in meeting like-minded individuals.Finding a partner after coming out can take time and patience.Support and understanding for spouses and family members are crucial during the coming out process.Chapters

00:00 Introduction and Setting the Stage
00:20 Unusual Coming Out Story
02:27 Reactions from Business Partner and Wife
03:31 Emotional Impact on Wife
05:45 Supporting Wife Emotionally
06:12 The Decision to Get Married
08:04 Realization of Being Gay
11:22 Fear of Coming Out
18:26 Divorce and Financial Settlement
24:45 Telling the Children
29:44 Reflections on the Coming Out Process
33:34 Impact on Business and Career
41:15 Changing Perception
44:10 Connecting with the LGBTQ Community
45:53 Finding a Partner
51:06 Advice for Men Coming Out
57:09 Supporting Spouses and Family
58:35 Understanding the Wife's Perspective
59:04 Closing Remarks

Larry Best's online memoir: https://medium.com/@laurencebest
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Summary

In this episode David interviews Rick Clemons, well-known as the host of the popular podcast “Life (UN)Closeted” as well as “40 Plus: Gay Men, Gay Talk.” He is a sought-after public speaker and a successful life coach. He is also the author of the book “Frankly My Dear I’m Gay: the late bloomers guide to coming out." Rick shares his journey of coming out and helping men come out of the closet. He discusses the challenges of living a dual life and the fear of disappointing loved ones. Rick emphasizes the importance of authenticity and unapologetically being oneself. He also addresses common threads among closeted men and the need to overcome limiting fears. Rick shares his plans for a new book and podcast, focusing on living an unapologetic life. The key takeaway is the power of embracing one's true identity and living authentically.

Takeaways
Embrace your true identity and live authentically.Overcome limiting fears and show the world who you really are.Living an unapologetic life is empowering and liberating.Common threads among closeted men include lack of sexual interest, depletion of intimacy in relationships, and co-dependency.Chapters

00:00 Introduction
00:40 Rick's Life's Work
01:34 Rick's Story: Coming Out
03:00 The Influence of Religious Upbringing
04:27 Living a Dual Life
05:54 The Shift to Authenticity
07:22 The Moment of Falling in Love
09:14 Transactional Sex vs. Intimacy
09:43 Coming Out to Spouse
11:40 Co-Parenting and Balancing Relationships
15:38 Common Threads in Closeted Men
18:57 The Biggest Lie Closeted Men Tell Themselves
20:22 Honesty and Authenticity in Conversations
21:09 Living an Unapologetic Life 23:53 Future Plans: New Book and Podcast
25:48 Message for Men Coming Out Later in Life
27:18 Conclusion

Rick Clemons: https://rickclemons.com/

Book Recommendation: Frankly My Dear, I’m Gay: A Late Bloomers Guide to Coming Out - https://a.co/d/aD2vgKD

Podcast website: https://www.OutLateWithDavid.com

YouTube Edition: https://youtu.be/yL6RVDjZugs

Certified Professional Life Coach, David Cotton: https://www.DavidCottonCoaching.com

Shaun Williams - founder of Gay Fathers Worldwide and Bent Couch Counselling

Summary
In this episode, David Cotton interviews licensed counselor Shaun Williams; he previously had successful career in construction when he came out as gay after 25 years of marriage. After coming out he changed his career to help others finding their true selves. Shaun shares his experiences growing up in the 80s, discovering his sexuality at a young age, and the weight of keeping his secret. He discusses the impact on his family and the challenges he faced in coming out. Shaun also talks about the creation of Gay Fathers Worldwide, a support group he formed for men who have come out later in life. He emphasizes the importance of finding a safe space and community for support and understanding.

Takeaways
Coming out later in life can be a lonely and isolating experience, but finding a safe space and community of others who have had similar experiences can provide support and reassurance.The weight of keeping a secret about one's sexuality can have a significant impact on mental health and well-being.The process of coming out can be challenging and may involve difficult conversations with family members and loved ones.Creating a support group or community for individuals who have come out later in life can provide a valuable resource for connection, understanding, and shared experiences.Chapters
00:00 Introduction
00:48 Growing Up in the 80s
02:16 Discovering His Sexuality
03:16 Getting Married
04:15 The Weight of the Secret
05:12 Dealing with Guilt and Shame
06:11 Living a Lie
07:11 Finding Purpose in Helping Others
09:06 Impact on Family
11:30 Inspiration from Daughters
12:56 Coming Out and Seeking Help
13:53 The Process of Coming Out
15:19 Creating Gay Fathers Worldwide
19:11 Regrets and Lessons Learned
23:20 Acceptance in the Gay Community
26:27 Late-Life Coming Out Experience
28:25 Creation of Gay Fathers Worldwide
29:21 Common Experiences of Children
31:48 New Life and Career
36:41 Importance of Community
37:37 Conclusion

Bent Couch Counselling: https://www.bentcouch.com.au/

Gay Fathers Worldwide: https://gayfathersworldwide.wordpress.com/

Podcast website: https://www.OutLateWithDavid.com

YouTube Edition: https://youtu.be/C7PJTAcmGT8

Certified Professional Life Coach, David Cotton: https://www.DavidCottonCoaching.com

Contact me: david@davidcottoncoaching.com

William Brown is an author, a licensed professional counselor, and a man who knows firsthand what it’s like to come out later in life. At age forty he told his wife of 18 years, and his children… that he is gay. What he’s learned since—helped him create the definitive “how to” book for coming out later in life.

Book Recommendation: Coming True: Seeking Truth in Self, Later In Life, by today's guest, William Brown. https://a.co/d/6cEM5Jj

Video version of this episode: https://youtu.be/5y_GJsqzcXg

Podcast website and for more resources about coming out LGBTQ+: https://www.OutLateWithDavid.com

Certified Professional Life Coach, David Cotton: https://www.DavidCottonCoaching.com

Contact me: david@davidcottoncoaching.com