Wellbeing Wisdom Tiny Bites Sandy Weaver

Were you taught to hide your feelings? The people who raised you may not have meant to send a message of “suck it up, Buttercup” to you, and yet in subtle ways many of us received that message early and often.


“Big girls don’t cry”…
“oh, grow up and quit whining” …
“life’s not fair, so get over it!”

Phrases like that teach children to hide how they really feel. Sure, it’s more convenient for the grown-ups to not have to deal with the problems of their children, and yet they saddle their children with the impression that their emotional needs don’t matter and by extension, neither do they.

People-pleasers are born in just this way, as are people who feel empty or angry all the time.

If no one has told you, your feelings matter, and when you share them with others, you start to be seen and heard as your true self. Feelings are our superpower. Emotions are our tools. Vulnerability is our authenticity. Learn to feel, own, and trust yours.

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Quick – take inventory of your friends. The “in real life” ones, not the ones on social media.

This is easier if you make some lists. Make three columns on a page, label the first one “true blue” the second one “baby blue” and the third one "stormy blue.”

Now, start thinking about the friends you spend time with most often. That time could be talking on the phone, zooming with them, working or playing with them, or just hanging out with them. Think about each, one at a time, and write their name in one of the columns – how do you feel when you’re with them?


True blue = your ride or die friends.
Baby blue = good friends, but maybe not middle-of-the-night-emergency friends.
Stormy blue = the ones you like and don’t feel like you can count on.

From this day forward, focus your free time on the true blue friends – the ones who warm your heart and help you feel good about yourself. Friendships are like bank accounts – it’s good to know that your investments of your time and heart are safe.

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Are you living or just existing? Are you just trying to get through each day, ready to lose yourself in the oblivion of sleep? When the alarm goes off, do you hit “snooze” as many times as you can before you absolutely must get up?

Why?

Have you really given thought to why you want to linger in sleep instead of getting up and greeting the day? One of the symptoms of depression is sleeping more than normal. If repeatedly snoozing the alarm is a new habit, it could be a sign that you should talk to a trusted friend or to your doctor.

If you’ve been avoiding the day for years, why? Did you forget how to have fun? Did you forget to enjoy your life? Are you so busy treading water that you’ve given up trying to swim?

Stop snoozing and add fun, enjoyment, and dive into your life!

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Do you lead through fear or lead through trust?

Think carefully – do the members of your team feel comfortable enough with you to disagree with you and discuss it with you? If not, you need to work on trusting your people so they’ll feel safe to trust you, too.

When you lead through fear, people will do what you say. When you lead through trust, people will work hard to give you more than you’re asking for, take ownership of problems you didn’t even know about, and stay on your team and on your side.

To build trust, walk your talk, be open and approachable, own your mistakes, ask for and implement suggestions from your team, and most of all, trust your team members.

When you trust them, it opens the door for them to trust you more easily.

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Quick – what are you worried about right now?

Chances are, there’s something that’s nagging in the corner of your brain, like a petulant child who wants attention. Do you remember when you were a child, anticipating your birthday? You rolled it around and around inside your head, thinking about what kind of party there might be, what sort of cake you would have, and what your gifts would be. You focused on it and for a while, leading up to your birthday, those thoughts filled your brain.

Fast-forward to the adulting part of your life, and the thoughts that roll around inside your head easily and often tend to be about things you’re worried about – money, children, career, whatever.

The way your brain works, the more you think about something, the more your brain will dish up similar thoughts and the feelings that go along with them.

Don’t want to feel worried? Tell that petulant child inside your head to sit down – you can handle whatever life throws at you WHEN it happens.

You want to feel good now? Stop worrisome thoughts as soon as you notice them starting.

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When you look back on your life, what do you see? Do you tend to focus on the drama and the trauma, or do you tend to focus on the triumphs?

The way human brains work, you probably find yourself thinking of times when you didn’t do the right thing or make the best choice. Especially in a situation where it felt like someone else was in control, we often second-guess ourselves at best and kick ourselves at worst for the choices we’ve made in the past.

You did the best you could with the information and tools you had at hand at the time. Give yourself credit for that – you did the best you could possibly do when you made that decision.

Now you know more and if the situation happened again, you would make a different decision. Give yourself credit for that, too. That’s evidence of growth, and growth is essential to your happiness and success.

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