This African Love efuastar

As a certain year in the 1500s drew to a close, the reign of the fifteenth Oba of Benin was slowly drawing to a finish as well. 

Oba Ozolua pondered over his succession, usually a relatively straightforward path. He had two sons: the crown princes, brothers Esigie and Arhualan, born within minutes of each other. 

These boys were not twins, however. In those days of old as they do now, the Oba had more than one wife. Rules of succession being what they were, it was clear that the first-born son, from no matter which wife, would have the best claim to the Bronze Throne. One version of this story posits that Ozolua had a first son before Esigie and Arhualan; however, due to some machinations, this child suffer certain injuries, which disqualified him.

Cultural lore has it that, during this time, the Oba Ozolua impregnated his first and second wife at the same time. It so happened that both women bore him boys, born within minutes of each other; and, as the story goes, the son of the second wife cried first.

That boy, Esigie, was declared the heir to the throne, and his brother Arhualan was considered the future king who almost was.

Idia, the second wife and Esigie’s mother, was said to have her eye on the prize. With a cheeky wink, it’s been hinted that she smacked her infant son on the bottom, so he cried first. A profound strategist, Idia prepared her child from birth for assumption to the throne. As such she nurtured him early to learn the principles of rule and governance.

Arhualan was sent to Portugal, to learn about foreign diplomacy. As a nation with which the Benin Kingdom regularly traded, learning their customs would undoubtedly let anyone with that knowledge exceed in international relations.

Idia, however, made her son Esigie focus on, and become familiar with, the people over whom she felt he would rule one day. This move made him familiar to, and beloved by, his future constituents. 

So, Arhualan learned Portuguese while Esigie learned his people, thus giving any pre-existing resentments may have been harboured ample space and time to grow.

Upon Arhualan’s return, these tensions, brewed strong and hot like Assam tea, came to a head towards the end of Oba Ozolua’s reign.

Arhualan, a skilled warrior, was known for his phenomenal strength and size. Despite having been granted rule over Udo (a nearby town to Benin), Arhualan’s desire to be the ring that ruled them all resulted in a number of assassination attempts against Esigie, and culminated in a critical civil war in Benin history.

But, ultimately, this story isn’t about Esigie or Arhualan, or about high-stakes sibling rivalry. This story is about Idia.

Many wonder how Idia was able to finesse these happenings, and ensure that, not only would her son be strong and capable enough to rule, but that he would be alive long enough to rule well. Arguably this could have been considered a matter of life and death; it can be posited that, if Arhualan succeeded in his quest, Idia would find herself on the business end of a killing tool.

Not that she was destined to live long, either way. Culturally, mothers of incumbent Benin Obas didn’t really get to experience their children’s ascension to the Bronze Throne. These women were forcibly “retired” from life - that is, killed off - as per Benin custom. The justification for this was, apparently, that the Oba would rule again in the afterlife - and, as such, would need the companionship of his wife.

Despite these obstacles, Idia displayed supreme bravery and strategic thinking during their wartimes. Idia’s political strength was key here, she mobilised and magnified Esigie’s army, thus helping him defeat his brother in this Benin game of thrones.

Idia was a skilled fighter, with deep knowledge and expertise on how to fight and win battles. She was a fearless warrior in her own right, and a general in the Benin army.

She was hailed as a healer and “sorceress” of her time -  skill

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So, too, is our feeling about which season we are at, in our lives.

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Navigating as a single, heterosexual woman is a profoundly different experience than that navigation as a married man, with children.

In this multipart series, we also spoke about the responsibilities of boundaries and consent.

In this continuation of the previous "Ask a Man" segment, we’re going over lessons to learn from men, across varied walks of life. Married, single, all that lies in-between.  

I sat down with Kaelo A today, a lawyer, marathoner, and avid book reader. 

Navigating as a single, heterosexual woman is a profoundly different experience than that navigation as a married man, with children.  

In this multipart series, we also spoke about the responsibilities of boundaries and consent.

In this short clip, we have a narration of a dating misadventure.
Inspired by and dedicated to Dating While Nigerian.
These clips will come through every once in a while, just to lighten the mood.
Enjoy!

So, we’re doing things a little differently today!

In this "Ask a Man" segment, we’re going over lessons to learn from men across varied walks of life. Married, single, all that lies in-between.

I sat down with Kaelo A today, a lawyer, marathoner, and avid book reader.
Navigating as a single, heterosexual woman is a profoundly different experience than that navigation as a married man, with children.

In this multipart series, we also spoke about the responsibilities of boundaries and consent.