Kagro in the Morning David Waldman

Some unexpected international headline news today: Dr. Saulos Chilima, the Vice President of Malawi died in a plane crash.
Closer to home, Congress was returning for another routine work week… if you can call the WIPPES Act mere routine! But I’ll tell you what is becoming routine. And that’s Nancy Mace becoming an unmanageable boor.
Donald Trump, of course, is already an unmanageable boor, and a bore. So he decided to liven things up with a truly moronic diatribe about… electric boats, maybe? And sharks. And how you would definitely die in an electric boat, because science tells you that boats will sink if you put heavy things on them, like batteries.
Speaking of Trump, Merrick Garland has had enough of the nonsense about the Department of Justice, and so he has written down that it should stop. Thank you.
As we all know, conservatives have been going hog wild with their judge shopping. Of course, that option is (sort of) available to more liberal legal activists, too. That is, unless conservatives don’t want it to be.
Lordy, there are Alito tapes. Both Alitos.
These f-in’ guys! Joan McCarter remains on point: someone oughta do something about this!
And they might, if they weren’t so busy with the WIPPES Act. But that something would probably be the fruitless pursuit of… the guy who just wrote that Republicans should cut ths $#*t.

David Waldman and Greg Dworkin had little to no health concerns today, and not many pressing commitments at this time, so they decided to throw us a pleasant little KITM:
TFFG is forever a convicted felon, yet not quite sentenced. Today’s perfect meeting with a probation officer will help to determine that sentence. So far Donald has art of the dealt himself out of a urine test. Oh the wonders they’ll find in Steven KG Bannon’s cup.
It’s the 80th anniversary of D-Day and we are still waging war against Nazis worldwide. Marine Le Pen surprised Emmanuel Macron, so he surprised France by calling for parliamentary elections, which might not be that big of a surprise. In Israel, Benny Gantz resigns, so Bibi Netanyahu only has his right wingnuts left to save him. On the other hand, in Hungary, Viktor Orbán is in retreat, and actual bombs have been proven effective in holding off the Russians in Kharkiv.
In the US, our fascists hate hearing President Joe Biden dissing overseas fascism. Trump voters love what Biden has done, if they can say Trump did it, and hate what Trump did, if they can say Biden did it. Donald is just punk that way… Also like Jesus… Jesus Punk Superstar seems to be speaking in tongues more often on his sermons at various mounts. 
Samuel Alito is aghast at those who doubt his morality, when it is he alone who has morals. Sure, Clarence Thomas took a few or several million dollars... but it was only because he needed those millions of dollars… but now that you caught him, he will return he will tell you when he takes the next millions of dollars. Happy now? You aren’t? Well then, take it up with the boss, John Roberts. His door is always open.
In polling news, at least 50% of Nates are complete morons. Outside of Nate-morons, Joe Biden is looking kind of good in the polls. Latino voters will vote third party, once they find a third party candidate who encapsulates their viewpoint and has the personality that they are looking for. In South Carolina, a January 6 insurrectionist regrets all that and is running for office. In Georgia, a January 6 insurrectionist regrets running for office and is running for his truck.

David Waldman just didn't have the voice left to finish out the week. So today, once again, KITM stands for Kagro in a Time Machine.
It's another look back, and another opportunity to convince yourself that yes, you are better today than you were four years ago. Way better!
Take a look at how bad it really was:
Donald Trump can’t even golf, the news is so beautiful. We’re in the money! Employment has dived to still-depression levels. Trump says he couldn’t have done it if it wasn’t for the guidance of George Floyd’s angel. Trump’s off to Maine, where the plan is to make the streets run red with domination.
ACORN rerouted a caravan of voter fraud busses out of Guatemala to Indiana, loading 250 Antifa super-soldiers to each bus for a raid on Chicago, but quick-thinking Fox-watching police made them disappear into thin air. Oh wait! They’ve been sighted heading into Idaho! They’re back in Indiana! 6,000 — One terrorist for each of the population of the town of Notre Dame! Oh no, while we were distracted, a busload camper of 4 terrorists campers that rioted in drove through Forks, WA were caught are suing, hopefully. Pray that we all make it through tonight. 
James O’Keefe infiltrated the past and discovered antifa headquarters in the heart of Portlandia.
Back in the real world, actual soldiers caravan into Washington DC to crack a few heads. An elderly man in Buffalo triggered blue rage by attempting to return a helmet. Bethesda, MD police are looking for a bicyclist assaulting kids that were posting George Floyd signs. That should be easy, they just need to find a guy that looks just like a cop. Maybe police are a mistake.
DC’s Mayor, Muriel Bowser, increases the police budget by $19 million… But sent a big message to the world this morning, and might have a few more things up her sleeve. Authorities always need more money for more domination.
The New York Times is about 200 years old and hopes to establish a method of administering its standards soon. In the meantime, occasional fascist propaganda might leak through. The Times shouldn’t challenge its readers with lies, however.

Today, David Waldman and Greg Dworkin observe the 80th anniversary of D-Day, along with Eastern Orthodox Donald Trump Conviction Day, plus their usual gallimaufry of insight and foresight.
You got to love those double haters! Joe Biden could hold the White House if only a tiny number of voters swing his way, and as luck would have it, a tiny number may.  Robert F. Kennedy Jr. also has a tiny number of voters who might become useful for someone someday.
Everyone is quitting in election offices because the job just doesn’t pay enough for the assassination attempts.
The most uniformed MAGA can tell you why mail-in voting is bad. Today, they can tell you why it is wonderful. So, how many of those can tell you what Donald Trump said about Putin and Ukraine in 2016? How many voters remember what he said about Wall Street Journal reporter Evan Gershkovich’s detainment in Russia in 2023? The answer is, Trump said absolutely nothing... until his recent video promising Gershkovich’s release by Putin, contingent upon a Trump re-election. A couple days following that video, WSJ reminds us that Joe Biden is old, as sworn to by Kevin McCarthy.
Mike Johnson can vouch that Kevin would be a completely unimpeachable source for journalists. Mike is appointing Ronny Jackson and Scott Perry to the House Intelligence Committee because those were the two names on the list that Donald drooled ketchup on.
House Gops are mad that Troy Nehls might have stolen valor, but don’t mind Nehls’ $25 thousand in campaign cash so much.
Israel conducted a secret social media campaign using AI to garner US support for the Gaza War.  Again, not the worse thing they’ve done lately.
New York Gov. Kathy Hochul is blocking the city’s long-awaited plan to toll drivers entering the busiest parts of Manhattan, which would have forced some Manhattanites into helicoptering their cars downtown.

David Waldman and Greg Dworkin celebrate the first Wednesday since TFFG earned his 34 Fs.
Donald is a felony factory.  President Joe Biden finally acknowledged Trump’s rising street cred. Kevin McCarthy, Mike Johnson and the Wall Street Journal predict Joe won’t spit rhymes at the level of Ice Turd during their upcoming rap battle.
“What porn star would Joe Biden smash?” is the question many undecided voters need answered before picking their Tony Soprano this November. Tony could provide some insight into MAGA.
The Proud Boys are rebuilding their protection racket. They will have competition from the many mom and pop gangster startups across the nation. Clevelanders are split between those afraid of having their Biden signs shot up, and those who say they deserve it.
Trump said that Clinton shouldn't run under investigation, now that she’s not running Trump says he doesn’t need investigations anymore. He’ll just throw her into jail with the rest of them.
Wisconsin charges The Cheese! Keneth Chesebro was the head cheese of the cheeseheads attempting to overthrow the 2020 election. Leave it to the Canadian, Mike Roman to not crime it right.
So all this craziness has got to swing a few votes toward sanity, right? Right! Well, maybe.  The New Jersey primaries yesterday didn’t go great for Trump, with Trump’s candidate not winning, but of course that means the Democratic candidate won’t be running against Trump’s candidate.

Tuesday! Apricate in sagacious David Waldman’s perspicacious eunoia, or something. Look that up in your Corpus of Historical American English.
Is Donald Trump in jail yet? Why not? Does this mean there’s still time to get into the financially rewarding career of becoming a Trump witness?
Nothing compares to the luxe life of a Trump judge though. Get yourself some of that eleganté Mercatus swag, like bottomless shrimp cocktails, warm towels, free cable… I don’t know, I clearly have not been invited. Whatever they get, it seems to kill a lot of judicial discord, and probably a few citizens as well.
Donald Trump has been a broke-ass dotard for about a decade, but prior to that he was an obnoxious petulant dunce.  Donald would be the last person you’d pick to portray a powerful captain of industry, and as it happened he was the last television producer Bill Pruitt would have picked as well. Luckily for Bill, and unlucky for the world, TV producers have editors, and editors can make magic happen, even for dark purposes.