Episode 44: Unsolicited Advice Adventures Of A New You

Hello and Welcome to the podcast; Adventures of a New You


I am your host, Jen Parke a social worker and fellow adventurer!


This is Episode 44 of the podcast and today we are going to chat about: Unsolicited Advice



Earlier this week I was out shopping with my son, celebrating the first day of hunting, the extended Thanksgiving holiday and the great blizzard of 2019. 


We took the day to get some Christmas shopping done. Throughout the day, several people said things to me the first was while we were at lunch and just a kind reminder that kids grow so fast to enjoy it.  


Sometimes those reminders are not always well received as they usually come during a moment when we are struggling or flustered with parenting. But I was actually in a really good place to receive this kind reminder. That was actually why we had stopped to have lunch together. 


We were running errands after errand and racing what was supposed to be a pretty significant storm and I could have kept on trucking but my son specifically asked if we could stop and have lunch together. 


I could have said let's run through a drive thru and keep going but I was like you know what yes let's have lunch together. 


I realized as we were having lunch that he needed that. Frankly so did I. But he had some things that he needed to talk to me about.  So we spent time talking and enjoying our lunch together instead of just racing through the day. 


Sometimes we all need to remember this and remember that yes our kids do grow quickly and you know what soon enough they will be busy teenagers and then adults with their own lives so we should slow down and make time to just sit and have lunch with them. 


The second stranger with unsolicited advice came while we were at TJ Maxx. I was still shopping but making my way to the register and my son was trying to move me along and then I realized already standing in front of a cashier. 


I have a rule that when we are in a store he can have some independence but I need to be able to see him (really hear him he is a loud child) because the world is crazy and I need to be able to get to him quickly if strangers start talking to him. He is very social we call him the mayor!


So as I am still looking I remind my son several times not to rush me. So this ever so kind stranger starts talking to us and tells me that she never fought with her son. I was confused at first because this was by no means fighting. I mean seriously it wasn’t like I was asking him to put his shoes on. For a moment I was like sure whatever lady I’m sure you never fought with your kid. So I started to shrug her off but then she continued and reminded me that moments like this are fleeting and soon enough I will be begging my son to come and visit me. 


I quickly realized that she wasn’t sharing this advice for my benefit. She was sharing because she needed to talk about this for herself. So I let her keep talking. Somehow we got onto the subject of her being friends with her ex husband and he is a chiropractor and she sees him weekly. Then she asked about me. I shared that I am cordial with my son’s father. She said “Do better”. 


That hit right there. If you are co parenting even if you are in a relationship I’m certain that there are times that you are not on the same page or you make each other crazy. 


My parents have been divorced for almost 25 years and they get along great. Some people make it look so easy even though I’m sure that it has not been. It’s not easy and I’m certain that I will catch flack for this but I think that it is important for us to talk about how it is not easy. If you need a place to start I shared a few of my