RuleOfLife Rosie 💕

In these episodes I talk about the aftermath of the library.

The things I wish I never knew but needed to know, The cycle of abuse I’ve allowed myself to endure , the amazing people I’ve met and will never forget

I learned from an early age love is a fickle thing. It comes and goes as well as the people who swear they’ll forever have ur back. Love is fragile. Trust is fragile. Fear is everything. In order to protect myself I hardened my everything. I made it so no one would ever see me cry again. To be vulnerable was weak and if you showed even the slightest bit of weakness those who wish to be u will covet ur spot. Those who envy ur position will do their best to take you down, whether it’s friends foes or family, if u aren’t stronger then them you’ll lose. The environment that I’d been thrown into taught me how insincere people were. How it was better to be hated than ignore, feared rather than loved. The world was cruel so I thought I had to be too, I wanted to survive. I wanted to live. Even when I craved the feeling of death I strived to survive and clawed my way up above the dirt, refusing to buried. I lived this way for what felt like forever, I lived thinking as long as I survived I’d b okay in the end. So I survived, I kept surviving until I met her. The girl with the puppy dog eyes who resembled the sun itself. Because of her I learned that in life I don’t want to just survive. Looking at the world through her eyes it wasn’t black or white, there were no winners or losers. With her I was free to laugh as loud as I wanted, even if it was unlady like (sorry grandma), I could say whatever I wanted without fear bc I knew she’d never belittle me (I felt as free as the wind), but most importantly all the rules in my life vanished I was no longer a title or an object to be claimed. To the girl who never let me jump down the rabbit hole alone, i did more than just survive

The foundation of which I learned many of my bad habits. This episode starts the beginning of my mental breakdown and how many of the thoughts I have came to be. Growing up in the environment of my parents divorce molded the ideals and center of who I came to be. I was scared from losing the foundation of love my parents taught, suddenly everything around me was dying. As a kid in my eyes my castle crumbles before my eyes and I couldn’t do anything to stop it. Thinking that I lost the love from the people I cherished most destroyed me. And watching a loving home turn into a battle field terrified me. This is the beginning of when I forced myself to harden because I was so afraid the world would swallow me up whole. It’s also the introduction of my sleepy dragon. The boy who I use to believe would never let me go.