Parenting With Huddle Wisdom Dr Davin Tan - psychiatrist and dad navigating the beautiful mess of life

In this enlightening episode, I sit down with my friend and Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu coach, Professor Felipe Santos. A champion in many respects, Felipe is a kind, passionate family man and an all-round good sort. I’ve learned a lot from him over the years.

Our conversation evolves naturally, flowing with the go, as Master Rickson Gracie would say. We cover a lot of ground, discussing topics such as:


Resilience, perseverance, and grit
Dealing with complexity, uncertainty, fear, and anxiety
The importance of family and traditional values
The power of community
The significance of structure and discipline
Respect for others, self, and higher powers

This episode was suggested by Prashant Kumar, the mat enforcer at our gym. His wonderful idea led to a conversation that I believe will be the first of many more to come. Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, we find, is a metaphor for life. Any difficult-to-master skill can be a rich resource of lessons that teach us so much about life and how to live meaningfully.

I hope you enjoy this episode as much as I did! To find Professor Santos and the gang at Mount Maunganui Jiu-Jitsu, check out the details in the show notes. They offer a one-week free trial, which I highly recommend. Not only does BJJ give you a competitive edge in BBQ rumbles, but it also provides an advantage in many areas of life, including business, family, love, friendships, finances, and conflict resolution.

https://www.mountjiujitsu.co.nz/

https://www.facebook.com/mountmaunganuijiujitsu 

https://www.instagram.com/mountmaunganuijiujitsu 

Don’t forget to check us out on LinkedIn, Instagram, and Facebook. Visit huddlewisdom.com for free parenting resources, especially if you have anxious kids at home or at school. For the neuroatypical tribes out there, we have resources for you too. If you enjoy our content, feel free to contribute at www.buymeacoffee.com/huddlewisdom to keep this good thing going. Enjoy the episode!

 

Welcome to this episode of "The Power of Self-Reflection: A Guide for Parents of Anxious Children". In this episode, we delve into the challenges parents face when their children experience anxiety and explore the transformative power of self-reflection as a tool to navigate these challenges.

We discuss the difference between reactive and self-reflective practices, highlighting how easy it is to revert to old habits in stressful situations. We explore the concept of self-reflection, a practice that involves acknowledging our roles in conflicts and dissecting our actions. This enlightening journey can enhance our ability to think before we act, fostering personal growth and better understanding of our reactions.

We guide you through a journey of self-reflection with reflective questions designed to help you understand your reactions and their impact on your anxious children. These questions serve as a starting point for introspection, helping you to explore the principles that guide your actions, understand the notions carried over from your own childhood, and identify the ideas that influenced your response or reaction at that moment.

Remember, this is a personal journey with no right or wrong answers. It's about understanding ourselves better to support our children more effectively. We encourage you to take some time to reflect on these questions and share your reflections and discoveries on your social media platforms, fostering a supportive community for parents facing similar challenges. Join us in this episode as we embark on this enlightening journey of self-reflection to better support our children and navigate the challenges of parenting.

 

The QUESTIONS

What principles guide my actions?What notions have I carried over from my own childhood?What ideas influenced my response or reaction at that moment?How confident am I in identifying problems?Am I considering all the relevant factors?Do I feel like I’ve lost control over a situation?Is this because I feel the need to be heard or listened to?

Parents are the answer to the mental health crisis. How? Tune in. For resources on how you can be the linchpin in your kid's lives. www.huddlewisdom.com/connections

 

Introduction: Welcome to another episode of Parenting with Huddle Wisdom.

Today we’re diving into a common yet challenging scenario: anxious mornings with our little ones. As parents, we’ve all been there—rushing to get everyone ready for the day while managing our own stress. But how can we co-regulate with our anxious child, validate their feelings, and provide comfort when we’re feeling overwhelmed ourselves? Let’s explore some strategies and personal experiences.

Scenario: The Anxious Morning Rush: Picture this: It’s 7:30 a.m., and the house is buzzing with activity. Your partner is grabbing their laptop, your older child is searching for their missing shoe, and the dog is barking at the mailman. Amidst the chaos, your youngest—a sensitive and anxious soul—is clinging to your leg, tears streaming down their face. They’re worried about school, friendships, and whether they’ll remember their lunchbox. How do you handle this delicate moment?

1. Co-Regulation: Co-regulation is the key. When our child is anxious, they look to us for cues on how to manage their emotions. Take a deep breath, ground yourself, and offer a calm presence. Sit down with your child, make eye contact, and say, “I see you’re feeling worried. It’s okay—we’ll get through this together.”

2. Validate Their Feelings: Acknowledge their anxiety without judgment. Say, “It’s normal to feel nervous sometimes. Even grown-ups get anxious. Let’s talk about what’s bothering you.” Encourage them to express their fears, whether it’s forgetting their homework or being teased at school.

3. Empathize: Share your own experiences. Maybe you recall feeling anxious before a big presentation or meeting. Let them know they’re not alone. Say, “I remember feeling nervous too. But guess what? We survived, and you will too.”

4. Comfort Amidst Stress: Now, here’s the tricky part: You’re stressed too. Your mind is racing through your to-do list, and patience wears thin. But remember, your child needs you. Take a mental pause. Remind yourself that their anxiety isn’t a personal attack—it’s their struggle. Hug them, stroke their hair, and say, “We’ll figure this out. We’re a team.”

5. Navigating the Chaos: As you juggle breakfast, backpacks, and car keys, keep your child close. Reassure them: “We’ve got time. Let’s find your lunchbox together.” Involve them in problem-solving. Maybe they can choose a comforting item to take to school—a small plush toy or a family photo.

6. Free Resources for Parents: In today’s show notes, you’ll find a link to HuddleWisdom’s Anxiety Toolkit for Kids. It’s a collection of free resources—printables, breathing exercises, and calming techniques—that you can use with your child. Visit www.huddlewisdom.com/connections to access these valuable tools.

Conclusion: Remember, parenting isn’t about perfection; it’s about connection. Our anxious mornings are opportunities to strengthen that bond. So, take a deep breath, hold your child’s hand, and step into the day together. Until next time, this is [Your Name] signing off. Be kind to yourself, and be there for your little ones. 🌟

Disclaimer: The advice provided in this podcast is based on personal experiences and general parenting principles. Always consult a professional if you have specific concerns about your child’s anxiety or mental health.

Note to listeners: If you found this episode helpful, please share it with other parents who might benefit. And don’t forget to subscribe!

 

Welcome to our podcast, where we delve into the personal journey of a forensic psychiatrist and father who faced his own demons.

This is a story of a man who, despite his professional expertise in human behavior, found himself in a situation that shook him to his core and led him to introspect deeply about his life and priorities. In this podcast, we explore a haunting incident - a day when he left his young, anxious daughter alone in a bustling school car park.

Overwhelmed by professional commitments and personal responsibilities, he made a choice that he would regret deeply. The guilt and shame of this incident led him to a depressive episode, forcing him to confront his shortcomings as a parent.

This transformative experience led him to prioritize his family over everything else and develop a framework to safeguard his children from his own flaws. This framework, initially intended for personal use, turned out to be a powerful tool that had a positive impact on his family.

In this podcast, we discuss the importance of equipping oneself with certain frameworks of thinking to overcome personal flaws and limitations. It's not about the specific framework - you can develop your own or use other systems.

The key is to have a system in place. Join us as we navigate through this deeply personal story and explore the systems he developed for the wellbeing of his family:

1. [Connecting with Anxious Kids](https://www.huddlewisdom.com/foundationsofconnection )

2. [Empathic Guidance for Anxious Kids](https://www.huddlewisdom.com/practice)

Remember, no matter how daunting parenting may seem, you've got this. All you need is a system. Tune in to our podcast and embark on this enlightening journey with us. Thank you for listening.

In this podcast episode, we delve into the rising rates of anxiety in children and explore strategies to counteract these challenges. We discuss the impact of technology, academic pressure, parenting styles, and social comparisons. Our focus is on fostering empathy, active listening, and emotional intelligence. We share practical tips for creating a safe space, promoting social connections, and teaching coping mechanisms. Join us as we empower parents, educators, and caregivers to support children’s mental well-being in today’s dynamic world. 🎙️🌟

 


To learn about Empathic Guidance for Anxious Kids go to www.huddlewisdom.com/practice

 


To make a contribution to the podcast go to https://www.buymeacoffee.com/huddlewisdom

 


To learn about navigating emotional storms with empathy go to www.huddlewisdom.com/gettools

 


Distress, waitlists and unmet needs: parents’ reports of child psychological difficulties in Aotearoa New Zealand. Amy Kercher, Seona Beattie, Liesje Donkin, Daniel Shepherd. Australian and New Zealand Journal of Public Health. Volume 48, Issue 1, February 2024 https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S1326020023052974