Get Out of Your Damn Way with Dr. Amy Boyd Dr. Amy Boyd

The subject of burnout is popping right now. I'm seeing it within our community especially for women writing to meet a deadline, but I'm sure it can help all of you not writing a dissertation too. We are all juggling multiple competing priorities in life. 

Burnout first technically coined by Herbert Freudenberger in 1975.
He defined "Burnout" was defined by three components:
Emotional Exhaustion - the fatigue that comes from caring too much, for too long;Depersonalization - the depletion of empathy, caring, and compassion; andDecreased sense of accomplishment - an unconquerable sense of futility: feeling that nothing you do makes any differenceI wanted to bring in a few different perspectives on burnout from books that I have read, to the teachings of other thought leaders, because I’ve done so much research on burnout. So much of the coaching I’ve done is around burnout and overwhelm. 
Burnout or Overwhelm?

For those of you who are in overwhelm (and not actually burn out)… What do you have to believe in order to plan and do more? 

Solution to BURNOUT
1. Pay attention to your thoughts… be aware of what you’re thinking. Your thoughts create your feelings, your feelings inspire you to do or not do things. Your thoughts drive the actions you take. I teach a WHOLE module on this inside our Breakthrough program. 
What are your thoughts that are causing you to feel BURNOUT RIGHT NOW?
So how can you think about your to-do list in a way that feels BETTER and gives you some relief, but is also a “doable” thought… meaning you BELIEVE IT. 
So one you do this first, then you can move on to the strategies below as part of the actions you are going to take. 
2.  Let go of how you think it should be. That thinking is not useful. "Shoulding" thoughts over yourself in general is only going to cause you to feel like crap.
3. Be okay with B- Work… take imperfect action with a focus on growth and normalize failing. Embrace “good enough”. You aren’t going to get an A on your dissertation, and most of you won’t win an award. 
4. Celebrate wins… ALL of them. Instead of looking at the mountain in front of you, take time to tie off and enjoy the view from how far you’ve come. 
5. Find the good stuff… you are transforming into another version of yourself right now as you are growing and evolving. You are taking action and failing on purpose.
6. Disconnect from technology - Take a break from screen time and spend some time looking out the window... connect with your breathing and daydream.
7. Connected to a community - Join our Pod Squad private group and connect with other amazing women with big dreams!
8. Future Pace -  imagine yourself already having achieved everything you want in life. Place yourself as already having achieved it. Tap into that feeling now and take action as your future self. 
Mentioned in this episode: 
Dr. Tangie and Success ExhaustionBurnout by Emily Nagoski and Amelia Nagoski Join the 'Get Out of Your Damn Way' pod squad here ==> https://www.facebook.com/groups/getoutofyourdamnwaypodsquad

Hang out with Me and my friend Natalie Roush as we discuss the inner critic. 
We go deep, discussing 
Where and when each of our inner critics emerged, How we have healed the inner critic, What we've been able to accomplish so far,What the inner critic has cost us, and What we will create with the inner critic sitting in the 5-point harness in the back seat. Join the 'Get Out of Your Damn Way' pod squad here ==> https://www.facebook.com/groups/getoutofyourdamnwaypodsquad
Connect with Natalie here ==> https://natalieroushcoaching.com/

For anyone sober-curious, I thought I would share some of the ways my life has improved over the past year.
1. I didn't realize it at the time, but not only was I numbing myself from feeling stress and anxiety, but I was numbing myself from being able to experience joy and elation. I didn't know what it was like to feel all the good feels because my baseline was numb.
2. I've up-leveled my entire life. I couldn't imagine getting up at 4:00 am every day to be at the gym by 5:00 am long term. I've been doing it for an entire year now. And not waking up with a hangover is such a gift.. anything is possible.
3. I'm in the best shape and health of my life. Even though I'm not where I would like to be with my weight, I'm stronger than I have ever been and reaching physical milestones I didn't think were possible.
4. I've released 20 pounds and counting without 'dieting'. I watch what I eat, and choose foods that fuel me. Alcohol used to be a trigger for me to binge-eat crap. It lowered my inhibitions and left me feeling constantly bloated.
5. I feel like I won the time lottery. I have so much time to do new things. I'm painting, reading, writing, and more present than I've ever been. Alcohol prevented me from being present. For me, it also frequently exacerbated the voice of my inner mean girl, which would pull me out of any situation and into my head.
6. Improved self awareness... this has been both a blessing and a curse. I see a lot more of who I am now. I see some things that I didn't see before that I get to work on.
7. Sleep is more nourishing.. I'm not tossing and turning all night. I wake up feeling well rested with a clear mind.
8. No more acid reflux... went from taking prescription strength Prilosec twice a day to it being completely gone!
9. My skin looks more hydrated. I used to have flaky, dry, splotchy skin.

Here are some of the things I'm still working through... the tough parts of sobriety.
1. With my anxiety, I tend to be socially awkward. Alcohol made it easier for me to interact in social situations. I'm working through this but it is a challenge. I'm finally at a point where I can sit at a bar and not want a drink. Yay for mocktails!
2. I've never been a "sweets" person until I stopped drinking alcohol. Since I quit drinking, I have a sweet tooth at night that has taken me by surprise. I've been finding healthier snacks without sugar to help curb the cravings.
I feel like I've cracked it. My life doesn't revolve around alcohol any longer.
I can look in the mirror and feel so proud of myself.
My whole life, until last year, I'd been a drinker.
I thought it was just who I was and that it would be impossible to change.
I feel like anything is possible now.
2023 is the year I say yes to anything that scares the hell out of me. I'm participating in adventure races, physical competitions, writing a book, and going through Master Coach Certification with The Life Coach School all while doing what I love and helping some of the most inspiring women I've ever met finish their dissertations and achieve their dreams. I’m going to do a separate podcast episode on THAT… that 2023 is the year I say yes to anything that scares the HELL out of me. 
I'm just getting started... 
If you want some help or are sober curious, please join our private community the Get out of your damn way pod squad… I built a business around making women feel better… through creating self-confidence, through doing scary ass things, and through setting and accomplishing big goals. Come hang out with me! https://www.facebook.com/groups/getoutofyourdamnwaypodsquad

In this episode, I share the resistance I had to disclosing that I have ADHD.
Last year, the theme in our alumni membership for the stuck to unstoppable program was Time Management.

I had asked all of our alumni to track everything they do in a day.  It had been a while since I had done this activity, so of course I did it with them. When I looked at what I had done in a day, my initial feeling was SHAME. 
Here is a link to that blog post: https://www.writethedamndissertation.com/blog/a-day-in-the-life-of-a-wife-mom-business-owner-with-add

I had SO MUCH resistance around sharing it. So I started journaling and asking myself WHERE this resistance is coming from. I found an article that was writing by Sharon Saline, Psy.D. and I felt so seen.  I was able to make sense out of the resistance because my main driving thought was, "I'm a hot mess who looks like she has it all together."
But what I learned in that article, is that Perfectionism, Anxiety, and ADHD is COMMON.
In today's episode I also share a menu of choices that help me develop my executive functioning skills and keep me on track to hitting my goals. 

Full disclosure: What works for me, may not work for you. 
ADHD is tricky that way.
It's going to take self-kindness to find what works for you.
1. Build Awareness... what do I need? Look at what's working, less attention to what's NOT working. This means that we have to pay attention to the things we actually do well or well enough. I keep post - it notes everywhere... I have power thoughts posted at all times. I'm my computer, on my planner. I've learned to CELEBRATE my wins.  At the end of the day... three things that went well, EVERYTHING counts.Accept mistakes as part of living and learningSet realistic goals and lower the expectations you have for yourself. If it doesn't feel doable, I have to break it DOWN Put the space to bed once I'm finished with it. (I make the bed the minute I get out of it, I clean up my work space before I leave it) - everything in it's PLACE.Keep TO DO LISTS together (I have shopping lists on my phone, to-do lists)Use habit stacking.. autopilot is GREAT Establish different days of the week/month/year to do thingsUse the Pomodoro Method. I started using the method when I was writing my dissertation, and I STILL USE IT to complete tasks throughout my day. because it structures tasks into short bursts of focus time. It also sets a time limit for work, which can help prevent hyperfocus on a specific task for too long.  Learning time management skills can also help improve executive function. Although your brain can process information during a lengthy task, research suggests maintaining sustained attention for too long can cause mental fatigue. This tiredness may lead to impaired cognitive function and possibly an increase in errors. However, extending task time might be a better option if it takes you more time to acclimate to the task and shift into focus mode. In this case, giving yourself a few extra minutes to transition before setting the timer might be more effective. Also, if you have ADHD, adhering to the timer can help prevent hyperfocus from hampering your ability to move on to other items on your to-do list.I build "rabbit hole" time into my day. I build in time to go learn about if cows have best friends, the new variation of tulip with the ruffles, how to turn a treehouse into an airbnb, or to learn everything I can about an artist I heard in the car on my spotify playlist this morning. (I shared some of my recent google searches)I'd LOVE to know if you have ADHD and are a high performing woman, what works for YOU. Join the discussion here: 

One of the things that came up in our discussion, and something I think that single-handedly keeps us from going after what we really want is people-pleasing. 

We don’t want anyone to feel small or left behind when we go after big goals. 

When we operate from the people-pleaser identity, we are not being authentic, vulnerable or trustworthy. Because we've created a mask that keeps us safe from others seeing who we really are. 
We have the need to belong, and when we grow and open to doing something big, we are figuratively disrupting homeostasis… disrupting the equilibrium in our social group.
And the educator in me when I think about setting big goals, people-pleasing, and the fact that as humans we have the innate desire to BELONG, I think about Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs. This has the potential to put us in a bit of a bind.
So sometimes when we go after something BIG, like committing to starting a Podcast, writing a book, starting your own business, enrolling in an EdD / PhD program,  deciding to live the #vanlife, climb a mountain, write a screenplay, put yourself out there as an actor…. Or it could even be committing to a personal development transformation.
There are RISKS involved with claiming what you want!
What if I know what I want, but I don’t know if the risk is worth it?
That’s a legitimate question. 
So it’s beneficial to take a look at the answers to that question. What are the risks? 
A big risk, is What would other people think?
What other people expect of you – and your ability to meet those expectations – can determine your self-worth.
Some people will not like the version of you that chases dreams.
Some of your loved ones may be intimidated, threatened, left behind...
They may not like your "muchness"... the term Dr. Tara (our Director of Mentorship) coined that term and we use it often in our community. We are smart, we are complex, we are heart-centered, we are high-achievers, emotional, and we tend to get in our own way. 
So people may not like our “muchness”
And what I see, is that people pleasers may struggle with truly opening up to your desires… because it comes with a risk. 
The risk that others may not approve of your playing bigger… your aspirations, your dreams. 
And so people pleasers may choose to ignore the nudge. 
But when you play small, everyone loses. NO ONE WINS.
You lose in never truly feeling like you are aligned to receive exactly what you want,
The world loses the impact, 
The Lives changed, 
The People you will inspire.
The people who would see you as an example of what's possible for THEM!
In reality, there are actually very few people who will 100% fully support you in your pursuit of those big goals and dreams that you have.
So… that brings up the question, what do you do when others don’t support your goals and dreams? 
I’d like to point out the reasons WHY others may not support your dream.s 
They are trying to protect youThey are triggered by youAnd when we disrupt the need to BELONG, sometimes it means outgrowing people… finding another support system where you connect with others who have BIG DREAMS they want to accomplish. 
Rising tides lift all ships. Find your community.  
The solution to when others don't support you, is find your village.
Find your support system. Join our Private Facebook Group… Get Out of Your Damn Way Pod Squad where we are chasing big dreams and supporting each other while we do it. 

In order to create new results, you must create a new identity that matches the results that you want.
So, how do you change your identity?
Step 1: Decide on the type of person you want to be.
What's your goal? You get to decide. But in the first step, you need to know who you need to become in order to change your identity.
Step 2: Visualize the new you.
This is a great example I like to share about Jim Carey. When he was on Oprah, he shared the story that when he was a struggling actor, he wrote a check to himself for 10 million dollars postdated ten years from then. He carried it in his wallet and was being the well paid actor. He was being the well-paid actor while he was struggling to get work. Ten years later, he was signed to "Dumb and Dumber" for 10 million dollars. 
BE – think about the type of person you want to be, how you want to be treated like, how you want to treat others and how you approach things like your challenges, relationships, finances, health and personal development.
Think about the type of attitude, values, character and beliefs you need to have to be that person.
When you are clear about who you want to be, you will have little to no issues in finding out what you need to do.
DO – now that you have established the type of person you want to be. Make a list of things and actions that you must take to fulfill the role of the person you are working on becoming.
You can even take it further by changing the way you dress, talk and interact with others. Do the necessary work, in order to have (achieve your goal).
HAVE – once you are being the person you want to be, you will start acting and making decisions that will bring or attract what you want to have. Having is the result of you being and doing.
HAVE, DO, BE (the way we were taught)
Once I have the experience, then I will apply for the promotion I've always wanted... then I will be happy.
BE, DO, HAVE
I am being the person who already has the promotion.. therefore I am going to show up every day as if I already have that promotion, and I'm happy because I know that my getting the promotion is inevitable.
BE the person, that can DO what it takes to reach the HAVE (the goal).
BE: Embody that next level version of YOU. (You.2.0)
Get clear about what this looks like.
How does she act?How does she make her decisions?How does she FEEL on a day to day basis?What are her DAILY HABITS?DO: Make decisions and take action as the next level version of you.
Get clear about what this looks like.
Would she take better care of her health?Would she prioritize self care, and schedule it into her calendar?Would she be confident in knowing that her success is INEVITABLE?Would she invest in her dissertation process by hiring a coach/an editor/in childcare?Would she take more risks?HAVE: Always connect to this version and make decisions as her now.
Feel your feelings and hold the higher vision - learn to trust  your inner guidance and your higher self 
Please join the conversation in our secret group. 
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Keep chasing those dreams. Sending you love.