It’s easy to accept the concept that a person will go through their life being right a certain amount of times, and be wrong a certain amount of times; I mean, in every argument, every conflict, in every disagreement, someone is wrong, or at least they have a different perspective. That’s just very logical. But if we then say, that - in order for that to be a fact, it also includes ourselves. WE are wrong, more often than we know, way more often than we want to know…
Let me share a real-life example of how something I’ve been thinking lately was wrong. Not just wrong, but negative and destructive…. Ughhh….. and this is human behavior, it’s not just me… if you’re a mother, a parent, you may recognize this.
So the past month, I’ve had a VERY high workload, you know, when it almost becomes ridiculous. And you know it because the laundry piles up, the mail is in a pile, dishes take longer, it starts looking messier than usual, you feel drained… and, the daily question “what shall I cook for dinner” is no longer just a thought – it’s now a REAL and honest concern – a difficult challenge - cause you didn’t have the time to go shopping for food. I mean, what can you cook from mustard, pickled spring onion, and soy sauce? All that has been our situation at home for a while, and escalated drastically last weekend when the fridge turned into a normal cupboard, warm shelves… you know. And yes, the freezer did the same, a melted mess of I’m not sure what, but it looked gross. All thrown out and just an empty fridge and freezer standing in the kitchen, they just stand there. Like an awkward and annoying cupboard. I hope they feel very useless, cause they are.
Sometimes we have to thank our lucky star, let’s call it divine intervention, like now when I was reading a chapter of this book called YOUR BRAIN AT WORK, by Dr. David Rock, it’s about how our brain works, neurochemistry, how we react and respond to events, and chapter 9, When Expectations Get out of Control; this phrase jumped out and gave me a really nice big hug, it actually made me cry. It said, “we’ll get takeout instead so we have more time to hang out together”.
When I read that phrase, my little universe shook. I was projected into a whole new perspective. I didn’t feel like a bad mom anymore, for not cooking for my children. Instead, I saw the other perspective, that I held on to our family time, ate with my children, and got takeaway food so we could have more time together.
Sharing this now, it almost sounds a little stupid that one can get stuck in a way of thinking that is just wrong. But we do that. Cause we’re humans.
In conclusion, I think it’s fair to say that, every time you feel bad about yourself for not being or doing enough, there’s probably another perspective that will show you the extreme opposite. That you’re awesome, you’re wonderful, a great friend, a fantastic colleague, a supermom or dad, who always shows up for those who need you.
I was thinking about ending with an encouraging “try it” and then I thought – hm, maybe I should try it myself, and I said it out loud. Got quite emotional, and realized how rare it is to talk to oneself in encouraging words…
I’ll end by sharing, and I hope you try as well 😊
I started with “I’m a bad mom, cause I don’t cook for my kids”.
And the new perspective. “I’m a great mom. Even if I have been working myself to pieces, and the fridge broke, every single day, I made sure we had a really nice and tasty family dinner”.
Now it’s your turn. Find a better perspective!
Thank you for listening. If you want more ideas on this topic, check out episodes 107 and 83.
#podcast #ownit #badmom #