How To Be Awesome At Everything Lindsay Dickhout

Today we are making a plan to become tougher and less fragile. 
Because it puts us in the drivers seat. When we take full accountability for things and we resist the urge to fall into mindless scrolling or just going with whatever everyone else is doing, we’re planning for the long game. 
 
Taking lots of small risks and trying new things and pushing yourself and getting uncomfortable - it’s all conditioning you to be tough for life. 
 
So you are mentally and physically strong when you need to me.  So when something hard is in front of you, you haven’t created this comfortable bubble that you live in that you just fall apart. 
 
I am on optimist to the extreme - so don’t take this as a negative - but just an honest observation - more and more people today are fragile and easily offended than ever before.
 
That’s not the life we are working to create here - so let’s design our plan for being completely anti-fragile. 
 
 
How do we get tougher and less fragile? 
 
First, let’s unpack, where we are at and how we got here.
 
Then, let’s make a plan to become anti-fragile. 
 
 
I’m finishing up the the book The Coddling Of The American Mind and it’s SO interesting.
 
The authors explore why people are mentally weaker than they used to be and more emotionally fragile. 
 
 

A few key points that the authors make… 
 
In the last 15 years the public has become more emotionally fragile and young people in particular are less tolerant of any discomfort that comes their way. 
 
They talk about a few explanations that they have data to support that explain this… 
 
1. Rise in helicopter parenting
The assumption that parents need to watch their kids and protect them at all costs. 
 
2. Philosophy of safetyism 
The belief that anything that can cause pain or suffering is ultimately harmful in the long run and can even be tramatic. 
 
3. Lack of play 
The past few generations of kids have been so overloaded with schoolwork and extracurricular activities trying to get into a good high school and college that they haven’t had time to be kids, and it turns out that most mental and emotional development happens when they are playing. 
 
4. Social media 
Social comparison, fear of missing out, constant connectivity and validation seeing are always that social media makes us more emotionally fragile. 
 
 
JOE ROGAN says… 
The hardest thing that has ever happened to you is the hardest thing that has ever happened to you. 
 
It’s so easy to win right now because most people are special snowflakes.
 
 

 
Responses from social media: 
Everyone expects things at their fingertips with the Internet.
 
Over parenting… In the 90s we got sent outside all day.
 
Kids never have to struggle or just figure it out. Parents are too connected to kids. 
 
We are overstimulated with technology. Higher stimulation and emotions means faster to break down. 
 
Think we have more awareness and options more than ever to cater to comfort.
 
Overprotective parenting and limiting exposure to the “hard” in life.
 
The media telling us that everything our parents did was wrong.
 
Definitely the younger generation has a difficult time managing stress and pressure. 
 
Not as much adversity to face, we embrace differences more than different opinions.
 
Computers and less social interactions. 
 
Everyone gets a trophy. 
 
Lack of downtime in children. Too much screen time.
 
We know more dangers than our parents did. 
 
I blame the Internet.
 
Lack of basics In kids.

One thing we know for sure - we must be anti-fragile to thrive. 
 
 
So knowing all this, how do we become anti-fragile? 
 
 
Here’s the breakdown.. 
 
We need to do harder things! 
Embrace uncomfortable too! 
 
Book: Antifragile
Author Nassim Taleb
 
 
 
Thoughts from this book! 
 
Do

Polls show that over half of people walking around are unhappy and I think it’s because they are stuck in mediocre. A mediocre job, what they would consider as a mediocre relationship, mediocre health, mediocre version of whatever success means to them.
And likely they probably have a story why they are stuck in mediocre. But the real story is, you can get unstuck anytime.
 
Now, of course, some of us were still dealt a more difficult card than others. So it’s going to take more work to get out of mediocre but it’s possible because people who have had it harder than us have done it so we can too.
 
It comes down to being honest with yourself about how you feel about different buckets of your life, realizing and believing that you’re incomplete control of all of it, and then establishing daily habits that support the exceptional version of you, not the mediocre version.
 
I’m very positive and optimistic about the world we live in but I also think it’s so easy to win right now because most people settle for mediocre. They simply aren’t willing to do the hard work, or they are stuck in habits and routines that support their mediocre life, or they accepted that they are not good at something without actually putting in the hours required to become good at it.
 
We’ve got one shot on this planet and mediocre is not the plan. 
 
 
Here’s the trickiest part - when you are honest with yourself and assess what in your life is mediocre - it feels painful like you should have done something differently. 
 
But when you lose the ego behind it and take it with the approach of - well I can’t do anything about what’s happened before now but I can for sure take all the lessons learned and make the best decisions going forward.  It’s not a fail on me - it’s forward focusing with a growth mindset. 
 
 
WHY do we sit in mediocre sometimes? 
 
 
Fear of failure 
 
Easier to stay in your comfort zone 
 
Lack of ambition 
 
Conforming to social norms 
 
Limiting beliefs 
 
Not willing to work hard 
 
Perceived lack of resources 
 
 
 
 
 
HOW do we get out of it? 
 
 
Get around a new crew/ have different influences 
 
Outwork your self doubt - Alex Hormozi 
 
Focus on learning and improvement always 
 
Have high standards for yourself 
 
Take massive action 
 
Learn from failures and embrace them 
 
Stop getting distracted and doing the wrong things 
 
Consistency and discipline! 
 
Set-up systems and processes so it all seems more do-able 
 
Have a clear vision of your long term goals and set-up habits to do each day that support those goals.
 
 
 
We have to be willing to have discomfort now - and resist immediate satisfaction, for the long-term satisfaction that is so much sweeter! 

I do quite a few podcast topics around living in the most positive headspace possible.

This one takes it to the next level. I’m sharing specific action steps for completely deleting something negative from your life. 

I’ve been trying to get to this point for years and something happened recently that made me realize. I’m there.

Quick story…  another mom friend and I were working on a project for a group with our kids and another mom came in blazing with all this negativity and opinions and it was just ridiculous. My friend and I were the ones doing all the work and she came in hot and I had all these opinions about how we were doing it wrong and was offended. It didn’t involve her. The whole thing just made no sense.  But it was jarring at the time because she sent emails and CCed other people, on and on .

OK, so fast-forward to last week my friend and I are talking and the other mom who had tried to make our life miserable joined in and we all had a nice chat. Afterwards, my friend reminded me who she was and I was like oh my gosh, you know it’s so crazy. I had physically deleted that experience from my mind. I had no idea, that was the woman because it just didn’t exist anymore.

A big part of this is focusing on what you can control. I can’t control her crazy so I deleted it.  Today we’re going to go through exactly how to do that. 

Let’s define some terms - what are we deleting? 
Negativity, judgment, drama, anything that makes you feel crappy or bad about yourself or upset or stressed or insecure.  We don’t need it.  So we aren’t just going to try to ignore it, we are going to completely erase it from our headspace so it’s not taking up our precious bandwidth. 


ACTION STEPS 

-Realize what it is 

-Take the fire out of it 

-Focus on what you can control 

-Journal am and pm to clear your mind 

-Think of something SO important to you and realize that time you spend thinking/talking/stressing about the thing- is time away from that something important.  Like bike riding or playing with your toddler or calling your mom.

-Control your thoughts 

-Control your words- if you don’t let it grow, it can’t get bigger! 

-Don’t respond to crazy!  Tell yourself - I don't negotiate with terrorists!!!


I’m telling you, the clarity you will feel from not carrying around all this weight that isn’t needed is crazy!!!

Focus on what you can control - let go of the rest. 

When you think about protecting your happy headspace at all costs - when thats an actual priority of yours, all of this gets easier. 

CHEERS to hitting the DELETE button on anything that doesn’t bring you JOY!

I am recording this on our 15 year wedding anniversary!  On this day 15 years ago Craig and I got married in Cabo, and we started dating 5 years before that. So 20 years in, what have we learned… what have we done awesome and where did we struggle… I’m sharing a bit of our journey and what we know now that been awesome to know from the start. 
I hesitate on doing podcast episodes on marriage and also raising kids because it’s all so evolving and just when you think you have part of it totally figured out, there’s a curve ball.
But, I do have some awesome take-aways that I think will be valuable for anyone in a relationship or looking to be, plus some funny (and painful) stories about how we got here.
 

This is how you don’t wake up one day with a marriage where you don’t communicate or connect.
This is how you don’t wake up one day unable to easily walk up a flight of stairs.. 
 
It’s called course correcting and I think it’s the answer to how we focus on little things daily to support the big things that matter most to us. 
 
It’s adjusting as we go.  Not letting things spiral until we hit rock bottom then need an extreme plan to get back on track. 
It’s being present and noticing things when they are off - in all buckets of your life. 
Health, finances, relationships… all of it. 
 
This is your plan for course correcting and compounding small habits that gradually lead the life you want.
It’s our daily plan actually for designing a life that you love. 
 
 
The 1 in 60 rule!
If a pilot takes off headed to their destination and they are just one degree off course, every 60 miles you fly with that error moves you one full mile off course. So you can see that even a slight variance from accuracy can create a real issue.
 
 
This is all about small decisions that you make everyday. 
 
You don’t just wake-up one day with a bad marriage or a disconnected relationship with your child, it compounds over time. 
 
And on the flip, you don’t just wake up one day feeling like your healthiest and strongest self.  It all compounds over time. 
 
But the best news is - this makes it feel manageable.
It’s constant focus and attention everyday. 
 
It’s knowing your goals and priorities. 
 
In my Ultimate Master Course and also in the 2.0 Habits System, I focus SO much on figuring out what you love and don’t love because I think most people just don’t ask themselves the questions! 
 
Here’s that link if you’re interested: 
Course- https://lindsay-dickhout-7734.mykajabi.com/2-0theultimatemindsetmastercourse
2.0 Habits System & Weekly Books- https://lindsay-dickhout-7734.mykajabi.com/the-ultimate-mindset-master-course-1
 
I created a system to focus on daily habits because after reading every possible habits books and really studying the topic at a deep level, I realized that we just need to set ourselves up to do the daily things.  To do the things that bring us closer to our goals or the person that we want to be and NOT do the things that take us further away from it. 

This episode is all about sneaky procrastination!  
Because I think all of us in some ways trick ourselves into thinking we are doing the thing- that thing you want to do or need to do - the hard thing that will bring you growth in the way you want - whatever that thing is for you right now. 
 
And instead of actually doing the thing - we do a whole host of things like - make lists, we say we are planning, we talk about it, we do endless research on it OR we avoid it completely and go refold drawers or something. 
 
I am going to read you the best short article I’ve read on the topic and we’re going to unpack it so you can apply it to your life in real time. 
 
Why do we let ourselves get distracted or procrastinate when something feels hard or uncomfortable? 
What are we doing to trick ourselves to think we are working on it when actually we just aren’t doing the thing?
 
I read this article by Strangest Loop called 
 
things that aren't doing the thing 
 
 
Here it is: 
 
Preparing to do the thing isn't doing the thing.
Scheduling time to do the thing isn't doing the thing.
Making a to-do list for the thing isn't doing the thing.
Telling people you're going to do the thing isn't doing the thing.
Messaging friends who may or may not be doing the thing isn't doing the thing.
Writing a banger tweet about how you're going to do the thing isn't doing the thing.
Hating on yourself for not doing the thing isn't doing the thing. Hating on other people who have done the thing isn't doing the thing. Hating on the obstacles in the way of doing the thing isn't doing the thing.
Fantasizing about all of the adoration you'll receive once you do the thing isn't doing the thing.
Reading about how to do the thing isn't doing the thing. Reading about how other people did the thing isn't doing the thing. Reading this essay isn't doing the thing.
The only thing that is doing the thing is doing the thing.

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You can dress it up however you want 
But the work just needs doing 
 
Ultimately - it’s hitting play and recording the podcast or starting the blog or lifting the weight or making the first healthy meal. 
 
We are motivated by the avoidance of discomfort. 
 
Figure out - what is the discomfort?  
Often times, have no idea what the discomfort is - we are just avoiding it. 
 
If you have a hard email to write, you might refold and entire set of drawers to avoid doing the thing. 
 
Or if you get to a hard point in writing a book - when it gets hard - we reach for our phone for distraction.
WHY
Because we are avoiding the discomfort. 
Ask- WHY am I avoiding this?
Maybe you need more research.
Don’t keep banging your head.
When you become aware of the discomfort - you make a plan to attack it. 
 
I’ve heard Steven Bartlette say it in this way… 
What is the psychological discomfort I am avoiding right now? 
 
 
Write down - what is the THING. 
Unpack it. 

 
WHY it’s important to force yourself to do the actual thing… because it’s the only thing that matters in becoming the person you want to be or reaching the goal you want to achieve. 
 
Thank you for listening!  Have an awesome day!