Fight Like a Mother Cheryl Cardall

I think we all know that life can be a bit bumpy, I think all of us hope that our life path looks maybe a bit rocky or bumpy, maybe a little rustic, but fairly flat, straight and really beautiful. So what happens when the life path actually looks more like hanging from a cliff from our fingertips? We are literally holding on for dear life.  That's not what most of us expected in life!
Today's episode we are talking about grieving what happens when life looks vastly different than we expected.   What grief might look like in your life and how to embrace the messy, uncomfortable and difficult emotions that surface.
Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, the expert on grief, who created the 5 stages said, that grief is the healing process to get to comfort.  What a profound statement and a perspective shift on grief.  We must go through the often uncomfortable, painful process to heal and to find peace.  

Ember Pilati is a life and relationships coach who loves lots of people who struggle with their mental health.   She shares valuable tips and simple, actionable tips to care for yourself so you can care for your loved ones better.  
She shares a framework of caring for our mind, body and soul and why each step is so vital to our own physical and mental health.  
Gratitude is a practice that can change your entire outlook and how writing down what we are grateful for and SAVORING that gratitude can change our brain chemistry.
You will love this powerful episode with Ember's loving, powerful words.
 
You can connect with Ember here:
https://www.instagram.com/iamemberpilati
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/emerge-empowered-with-ember-pilati/id1543504663
http://emberpilati.com

Welcome to the fight, like your mother podcast. I'm so glad that you are here.  I am sharing an episode today that I have been thinking about doing for a really long time.  And I haven't done it because I wanted a therapist. Slash expert who knows a lot about this to come on and talk about it because I haven't felt qualified to do so.  However lately it won't leave my brain. 
And I've asked several therapists who said they don't feel qualified to come on and talk about it. So if they don't feel qualified, then. 
  I can do my own research and figure this out. So I know that I need to record this. Now,  and it's interesting because I posted a  instagram posts about this very topic and that eight Han of responses about it. And people who've wanted to learn more and have never heard about this. Or who have heard about it, but didn't know much about it. 
So it is time now.  Perhaps if I find the right person,  , I will have another therapist and we'll do another episode on this particular topic, , to give some insights and things that I don't share.  But I do have some valuable experience. And personal.  Deeply personal things about this particular topic. 
And I feel like it may be really valuable for lots of families, including my own actually.  
So the topic I'm discussing today is about the siblings. Of kids with extra intense needs.  , This can happen with physical health challenges. Mental health challenges. Kids with autism. There's a myriad of reasons why.  , this. Particular thing can happen. It can actually even happen in like children of divorce. , and things like that. 
So this applies to lots of families out there.  , but let's, we're going to talk about it in regards to the sibling of.  
The sibling of somebody who has intense mental health challenges. That's what we're, our focus is going to be today. But these principles apply to so many.  So how does this in particular affect these kids?  How do they feel about it? , are they overlooked? Do they have a voice, et cetera?  And each of these questions are really valuable and important to think about as parents.  
But I also don't want this to overwhelm you or shut you down as you're listening.  And I don't want you to feel guilt or shame about this, that isn't the goal here.  I don't want to give you more. To put on, you're already over loaded, overwhelmed to do list. And I certainly don't want to give you more to worry about.  So in fact, I want you, as you go throughout listening to this episode, I want you to really, really be aware and notice your feelings that you're having. 
Notice what pops up in your brain and how your body feels.  And just notice those things.  Don't judge yourself. And if you're noticing some hard emotions coming up,  maybe take a break.  Do some breathing.  Take care of yourself. Nurture yourself. And then turn it on again.  Don't stop listening because you're feeling negative emotions because sometimes we need to sit in the discomfort.  
There's a sign there.  I'm going to bed. Okay. Good night.  
In fact, during this episode, I want you to notice your feelings about what's coming up.  Notice what pops up in your brain, how your body's feeling.  And just notice, just be aware and don't judge yourself. If you're feeling a lot of discomfort.  
That actually is okay. And if you need to take a break for a few minutes, Go do some breathing. Go nurture yourself.  Go do that, but come back because discomfort doesn't mean we just stop. We can sit and deal with those uncomfortable feelings.  And we can continue on.  So the objective of my episode. Today is to bring voices and awareness to these kids. 
Our kids.  Who matter?  And their feelings and their traa. And their voices matter. And I know you believe that because you are an awesome parent. You really are amazing. And you're overwhelmed and you're overworked and you don't have enough support.  
 
But these kids deserve to be hea

Does your child have challenging and sometimes rebellious and unsafe behaviors that have you desperate for a resource?  Are you feeling fearful and desperate?   This podcast could be your answer. 
Today my guest Jessi Stringham shares a resource for parents that is free and really amazing.  It is a peer led support group that is extremely well organized and 
 
From the Changes website: https://cpsn.org
Changes Parent Support Network was incorporated in December 1996 and groups officially started meeting in January 1997. We are a 501(c)(3) nonprofit organization and are not affiliated with any other group or religious organization.


Members include Couples, Single Parents, Stepparents, Guardians, and Grandparents. The families we support have one or more acting-out children ranging in age from middle school to older adult children. Our program provides support and tools for parents to change their own behavior, not “fix” their child. We promote independence and natural consequences for our kids’ actions, which is usually not an appropriate approach for younger children.


Regardless of your child’s age, we will welcome you at Changes. But you may find that our members have less personal experience to draw upon and share if your child is in elementary school. 
Typical problem behaviors can be:


Violent or abusive Oppositional and defiant Failing grades or not attending school Substance abuse Stealing at home or shoplifting Gang involvement Running away  
The purpose of the group is not to change our child's behaviors.  It is to help us give up that need to control and work on changing our own mindset and behaviors toward our children.  We can support them and support ourselves and allow them indepedence to find their own path and feel the consequences of their behaviors.
 
This is an amazing resources for parents who are feeling anxious and fearful and need support to know what to do.  
 
You can call this number 8884682620. to start the process of signing up.


 
 

The trauma of “good mom syndrome”
In this week's episode, we delve into the profound truths and challenges of parenting children with intense needs. The episode explores the concept of parenting trauma and the importance of acknowledging and validating the difficulties faced by parents in raising kids with unique challenges.
Key Points:
Toxic Positivity and Trauma: I address criticism received for acknowledging the traumatic aspects of parenting. Rejecting toxic positivity, the episode emphasizes the need to validate and openly discuss the challenges faced by parents.
Studies on Moms Raising Kids with Autism: I  share statistics from studies on moms raising children on the autism spectrum, highlighting the prevalence of trauma in this community.
Understanding Trauma: Distinguishing between acute, chronic, and complex trauma, the episode emphasizes that trauma is about the lasting impact on individuals rather than the events themselves.
Community Responses: The host reflects on the heartbreaking responses from the community about the traumas they've experienced, ranging from suicide attempts to encounters with law enforcement.
Societal Expectations and Parental Trauma: The episode explores how societal expectations and judgments contribute to parental trauma, discussing the harmful beliefs about what makes a "good parent."
Challenging Beliefs: The host shares personal struggles with societal expectations, highlighting the internal conflict of being raised to create a safe and happy home while facing the reality of parenting challenges.
Healing from Trauma: Practical steps for healing include self-compassion, challenging negative beliefs, and adopting the mantra "What other people think about me is none of my business."
Becoming Teflon: The episode explores the concept of becoming a shield between parents and societal judgments, emphasizing the importance of letting go and not internalizing others' opinions.
Shifting Mindsets: Encouraging parents to shift their mindset, the episode concludes with affirmations of the incredible strength and intentionality of parents navigating the challenges of raising children with unique needs.
Closing Message:
"You are incredible, don’t let anyone, including yourself tell you differently."

My guest today is Robyn Gobbel, therapist and parent educator.
Robyn Gobbel, MSW, loves coffee, P!NK, and everything about the brain. Once (recently!) her teenager went ballistic on her for getting ANOTHER (glitter!) coffee mug in the mail. Robyn loves cultivating deep, resonant connections with anyone who is up for it, and is especially fond of all the grown-ups in the world who love and care for kids impacted by trauma- helpers, healers, educators, and parents. Her favorite thing ever (besides glittery coffee mugs) is teaching anyone who will listen to harness the power of neuroscience so they can cultivate deep, resonant connections. What would change in the world if we could all do that? To see, be with, feel, and deeply know each other...and ourselves. Robyn thinks everything could change. You can get your hands on all sorts of free resources at www.RobynGobbel.com, including her podcast, The Baffling Behavior Show. Robyn is the author of Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors: Brain-Body-Sensory Strategies that Really Work (September 2023).




We chat about when parenting is traumatic and how that affects our nervous system and impacts everyone in the family.   When we are parenting kids with big challenging, sometimes frightening behaviors can put us in a space of nervous system dysregulation and we can't function as our best selves
Parenting can be traumatic…
 
I cannot wait to share with you this podcast.  A few months ago I saw a post by @robyn.gobbel about this topic and it spoke to me. It made me cry to be honest.
 
I felt seen and validated.  I immediately messaged Robyn about being a guest and she graciously said yes.  It is an incredible interview and I hope the parents who need it will find it and also feel seen and validated.
 
If you have any of these, you may have experienced or are currently experiencing parenting trauma:
 
•Sensitized Stress Response
•Stuck in Protection Mode
•Compassion Fatigue
•Irritable
•Hypervigilance
•Depression
•Grief
 
The trauma is real and that can bring shame and guilt upon us, because what parent gets traumatized by their child?
 
 
 
Nervous system printable
https://robyngobbel.com/course/friednervoussysteminfographic/
Link to buy Robyn's book.  Use code Bafflingbehaviors20 for 20% off
https://us.jkp.com/products/raising-kids-with-big-baffling-behaviors?_pos=1&_sid=14718fc1e&_ss=r