Sex, Love & Elephants with Dr. Cheryl Cheryl Fraser

Want to rate your relationship on the three keys to great long term love? Take the Passion Quiz 

“Dr. Cheryl, why am I always so pessimistic about my relationship?”
“How can my partner and I be more positive about one another?”
“Why can’t my sweetheart do anything right?!”

It may be 2024, but we still have brains that evolved from the cave days. Over the eons, our brains have developed certain survival patterns that have held on in even the most intelligent minds. One of those leftover base instincts that we’re still coping with today is negativity bias and it just might be the biggest issue in your relationship.

On today’s episode of Sex, Love, and Elephants, I’m teaching you all about negativity bias and the importance of thinking positively about your partner.

Today is all about training your mind to do a better job of defaulting toward a positive point of view. I’m giving you a few short examples and some more elaborate models and exercises that you can do to bolster your relationship with your sweetheart.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

If your partner is consistently rude and condescending—even if it’s not directed toward you—it needs to be addressed (03:40)

Our minds tend to look for what's wrong and not what’s right (08:05)

You do NOT have to say every negative thing that comes to mind (15:32)

Sharing a home and sharing a life demands graceful compromise (17:04)

Today’s LoveByte (26:11)


Have questions about meditation or about your relationship? Send them to us at Hello@drcherylfraser.com.

Want to learn more about Buddhism and relationships? Cheryl’s book Buddha’s Bedroom is a great resource!

Let’s Connect!  


Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here 

Youtube

If you want to rate your relationship, take the Passion Quiz

Follow @drcherylfraser on Instagram 

Want to rate your relationship on the three keys to great long term love? Take the Passion Quiz 

“Dr. Cheryl, my partner and I haven’t had sex in months—PLEASE HELP!”
“Why does sexual desire slow down in long term relationship?
“How can I bring back the sex and passion to my relationship?”


You've heard me say it before on this podcast: Sexless relationships are way more common than you think. The definition for a sexless relationship is one where sex is had six or fewer times per year. That means that if you’re making love but it’s only once every two months or so, you and your sweetheart are in what is defined as a “sexless” or “lower sex” relationship. 

On today’s episode of Sex, Love, and Elephants, I’m teaching you all about sexless relationships and the solutions out there that can work for you. 

Many of you may have not made love for years… And that’s way more common than you think. One of the biggest problems is that no one talks about it, so we end up having a lot of shame, embarrassment, and confusion around those changes instead of finding a solution that works for our relationship. 

In this episode, you’ll learn:

We're so busy running our lives that we often lose each other (03:53)

Make your sensual life a priority—especially if you’re in a long term relationship (10:33)

Sometimes, we get so good at running our lives like a business that we know longer see our partner as a sexual being (11:48)

The idea of scheduled intimacy doesn’t sound romantic but it just may save your sex life (14:41)

Today’s LoveByte (23:06)


Have questions about meditation or about your relationship? Send them to us at Hello@drcherylfraser.com.

Want to learn more about Buddhism and relationships? Cheryl’s book Buddha’s Bedroom is a great resource!

Let’s Connect!  


Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here 

Youtube

If you want to rate your relationship, take the Passion Quiz

Follow @drcherylfraser on Instagram

“Dr. Cheryl, how can I shake up my boring relationship?”
“Why does it feel like we’re roommates instead of lovers?”
“How can my sweetheart and I learn to live and love in the moment?”

One of the worst silent killers in relationships is when we find ourselves slowly falling into complacency and boredom overtime. When we lose that loving feeling, it can lead to major disappointment and dissatisfaction in a relationship but all hope is not lost—there are ways you can reconnect. 

Today’s episode of Sex, Love, and Elephants is a short check-in for you and your sweetheart.

So often we get caught up in the mundane and, sadly for a lot of us, many times that means that  we’re caught up in irritation with our partner. Whether it’s frustration about a messy house or worries over money, nothing matters as much as valuing and loving your sweetie right now, at this very moment. 

Today you’ll learn:

Don’t wait for a major life event to tell your honey how much you love them (03:31)

Love your partner deeply, wholly, and expansively and love them like there's no tomorrow (04:23)

I encourage and challenge each of us to become a great partner and bring more flexibility and more grace because we don't have them forever (08:01)

Today’s LoveByte (08:30)



Have questions about meditation or about your relationship? Send them to us at Hello@drcherylfraser.com.

Want to rate your relationship on the three keys to great long term love? Take the Passion Quiz 

Want to learn more about Buddhism and relationships? Cheryl’s book Buddha’s Bedroom is a great resource!

Let’s Connect!  


Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here 

Youtube

If you want to rate your relationship, take the Passion Quiz

Follow @drcherylfraser on Instagram 

“Dr. Cheryl, how can I help my constant negative thoughts?”
“I’m ALWAYS anxious. Is there a way to quiet my constantly running mind?”
“Is it possible to practice kindness?”

Meditation is a traditional Buddhist practice that fits very beautifully into the secular world, into the psychology world, into the mindfulness world, and into the world of us trying to be a kinder, more caring human being to ourselves and others. A metta meditation, or a loving kindness meditation, can be practiced whenever you have a bit of time to yourself. 

Today’s episode of Sex, Love, and Elephants features a metta meditation from a live Dharma talk that I gave last month.  

This is a special episode of the podcast that sounds a little different from the others. This meditation is under 30 minutes long—just make sure you’re free of distractions while you listen. I invite you to come back and use this meditation whenever you feel the need for more calm and balance in your life. 

This episode of Sex, Love, and Elephants features a metta meditation that begins at (02:19) and ends around (31:00).

Have questions about meditation or about your relationship? Send them to us at Hello@drcherylfraser.com.

Want to rate your relationship on the three keys to great long term love? Take the Passion Quiz 

Want to learn more about Buddhism and relationships? Cheryl’s book Buddha’s Bedroom is a great resource!

Let’s Connect!  


Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here 

Youtube

If you want to rate your relationship, take the Passion Quiz

Follow @drcherylfraser on Instagram 

“Dr. Cheryl, how can I overcome my self doubt? It’s ruining my life!”
“How do I break free from the torturous grip that my anxiety has on me?”
“Why has my experience with meditation been unfulfilling?”

We’ve all had that moment of desire and weakness—a good friend buys a fancy new car and we’re overcome with jealousy. Instead of being happy for them and proud of their hard work, all we can focus on is what we’re lacking. But the remedy to this feeling isn’t to go out and buy a new car yourself. Instead, the answer involves practicing generosity for others and focusing on relieving ourselves of that wanting, selfish feeling. 

Today’s episode of Sex, Love, and Elephants features a Dharma Talk that I gave last month about the five hindrances that stand between us and happiness. 

The five hindrances get in the way of calm, they get in the way of focus, and they make it harder to accept what is with equanimity—that is, they’re stopping us from being able to go with the flow and to recalibrate ourselves… Without the temper tantrum. 

In This Episode, You Will Learn:

The hindrances can get in the way of concentrating on the important object (03:51)

Even when you're well rested and alert in your physiology, sloth and torpor can come like a shadow over the sun (09:18)

The very last wisp of difficulty to disappear before you become a fully awake Buddha is the last vestige of doubt (11:12)

We don't have to have a gigantic temper tantrum to feel exhausted, even a small little worry can be fatiguing (16:27)

When you slow down in meditation, the mind gets a little more acute, a little more precise, and a little more clear (22:55)

Hindrances are like nasty waves that blind us to the calm ocean (28:15)


Want to learn more about Buddhism and relationships? Cheryl’s book Buddha’s Bedroom is a great resource!

Let’s Connect!  


Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here 

Youtube

If you want to rate your relationship, take the Passion Quiz


Follow @drcherylfraser on Instagram 

The doors to Become Passion are OPEN—make sure you and your sweetheart are signed up before they close on May 3rd!!

Join me this Thursday, May 2nd for a very special LIVE Q&A over Zoom - email me at hello@drcherylfraser.com and we will send you the link and time

This week on Sex, Love, and Elephants, I take you behind the scenes as I talk with some of my Become Passion students about their relationship struggles and how they overcame… Today, I’m joined by six REAL couples who have participated in my Become Passion training. 
Are you ready to create love and passion that last a lifetime? The doors for my exclusive Become Passion program are open now and close May 3rd! This twelve-week immersion couples program with me, Dr. Cheryl, starts May 3rd.
A failing relationship doesn’t always look like explosive fights and shouting matches and slamming doors… it can just as easily look like apathy and boredom and quiet resentment. What matters most is how you chose to bring those issues into the light—and whether or not you’re willing to fight to make things better. 

In This Episode, You Will Learn:

This Wednesday’s LIVE Q&A on ZOOM is your last chance to join me for a free event before we kick off Become Passion (01:20)

Karen and Steve didn’t have nasty fights, but they were struggling with their sexuality as they aged (03:57)

Between kids, careers, and household responsibility, it’s so easy for a relationship to become Marriage Incorporated (07:30)

Lisa and Cam found themselves in flooded arguments that became destructive to their relationship (18:22)

Howard and Karen were separated for 6 months before they found Become Passion and learned how to fall in love all over again (22:29)

Today’s LoveByte (33:00)


Got questions? Email hello@drcherylfraser.com.

Follow  @drcherylfraser on Instagram 
Let’s Connect!  

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If you want to rate your relationship, take the Passion Quiz