Come & See Allison Wilkinson

Rachel is one of my favorite women in England—and really of all time! She is so easy to be around, relaxed, full of joy, thoughtful and wise. It was such an honor to listen as she shared pieces of her story (even though internet troubles) the other night!

“I thought of myself a useless, waste of space…I managed to crawl my way through life.” Wow. Honestly, even though I see the other side of this story now and I see how beautiful and full of Life Rach is now---how painful it is to hear those we love say a sentence like that! But ya know, maybe its even more painful to realize how often this is where we find ourselves---feeling like useless wanderers, trudging through watching the days go by.

“What is life about God?... I don’t really understand if there is any purpose out there-but God if you are real, then I’ll give you a go.”

The idea of “God are you out there? I’m not sure but I’ll give it a go” seems to be a trend in many of these stories people are sharing! I think it shows such courage! And I really believe God loves that we are willing to just give it a go! I’ve believed and walked with Jesus for a long time now, but there are still seasons in my life with new challenges, big emotions/lots of stress or new opportunities where my spirit cries out “I’m not sure about this God---are you really here right now? Ok, I’ll just give it a go!” and honestly, He has always met me right there. Amazing.

Rach says that she sees Jesus as more transformative than anything/anyone else in her life. I totally agree. He is in the business of transformation. And ALWAYS for the better. Beauty from ashes, Life from death, Joy out of sorrow. And it feels a little crazy how much I’ve changed since starting to really know Jesus and walk through life with Him. Like, everything has changed—how I make decisions, my inner-dialogue, how I treat other folks, how I spend my money, why I get out of bed in the morning, how closely I hold my possessions, my emotions towards the world, purpose, vision, direction---everything. I welcome the transformation because it really feels like I am freer the closer I get to Him---life feels freer and I feel more whole if that makes sense.

Rach mentioned that she was healed from her depression!!! Amazing! I know that might sound crazy or beyond possibility – but truly Jesus heals us. Time and time again I have seen it happen with my own eyes. Sometimes instant, like supernatural-type, healing---and sometimes over time or through medical processes. But Jesus hates sickness/injury---over and over again in the Bible it says that when Jesus met a new crowd of people He had compassion on them and healed them. Anytime Chris or I feel ill or hurt, that is our first thought-to pray and ask for Jesus to heal us. Sometimes it feels like nothing happens, and sometimes something amazing happens---either way, we pray.

She also mentioned she learned to speak in a heavenly language. Sometimes people use the phrase “speaking in tongues” to mean the same thing. It is a beautiful, bizarre, amazing, experience. I have never spoken in a heavenly language---but I would definitely welcome it if Jesus shares it with me one day!!! I have been with many friends, and others in prayer times, worship services, etc where lots of heavenly languages have been spoken/sung and honestly it is one of the most beautiful and powerful sounds I’ve ever heard.

She also talked about how walking with God hasn’t made her life easy—but that she now has a consistent friendship through it all and a firm foundation to build her life. I think that’s a good way to put it. God feels firm/consistent. Everything else in my life is up and down---always shifting and shaking. But His character, voice, who He is --- is stable, unchanging. And that’s comforting to me.

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Lauren shares how Jesus has been close to her in all aspects of her life–even in the most painful moments. I don’t believe for a second that God desired for her to experience such deep loss and pain, but I LOVE how she shares how even in the ashes, there is beauty when walking with Jesus!

My Thoughts as I Listened Back:

Hey yall! I was surprised tonight when I had my zoom call with Lauren to record this episode. She and I go way back. We became dear friends in high school, but haven’t seen each other in person for a few years. When she logged onto the zoom chat and I saw her I started crying! Ha! I don’t know if I was tired, or if that is just a sweet reminder of how even though time often passes too quickly between seeing our friends and family, it can never diminish how significant they are to our lives!

Anyways, I really loved listening to her share. She is truly one of the wisest, most intelligent and thoughtful humans I have ever met. Listening to her story was definitely encouraging to my soul! I definitely connect with her when she shared about her identity in Jesus getting its initial roots thanks to her family. Our family’s faith and culture opened the door for us to witness Christianity in daily life, but just like Lauren, I too had to have a long season of trial/testing the waters/questioning and observing to decide for myself. That’s one of the coolest characteristics of God—Christians believe, I believe, with my full heart, that He is living and moving among us. He is God Almighty/All Powerful, yet cares about each of our individual stories and moments throughout the day. He is both everywhere and specifically somewhere simultaneously. So when Lauren talks about having firsthand experiences of attempting to trust Jesus and then finding that He follows through—she is literally saying that He provided specifically for her in those moments! So amazing! Chris and I have seen the same—an unexpected check comes in the mail right when we need that exact amount of money, a friend messages or calls right at the exact moment and has the perfect words to share to calm my spirit, food parcels left outside the door unexpectedly, being healed of physical illness/pain instantly or sometimes just much faster than anticipated….the list could go on—sometimes of tiny, easily overlooked gifts and sometimes huge, unquestionable provision—I believe is all from Him. So like Lauren, I can’t seem to shake off all that I have seen, felt and been given—so these experiences have banked in my heart faith in Jesus that is now beyond just what my parent’s believe—to more of a personal connection, firsthand experience faith.

My faith however, just like every other Christian’s you will meet, is totally imperfect. I have days when I have emotional overloads, crazy feelings of confusion and doubt, loneliness, sadness, feeling just yuck, horrible. I’m so thankful she reminded me that Jesus never once asks us to “measure up” and live a perfect life. He has already done that for me! Praise God! Jesus literally goes around saying “come to me all you who are weary and heavy-burdened and I will give you rest.” The Bible also says that God “works all things out for the good of those who love Him.” He is for us, loves us, protects, and provides for us without us offering anything but brokenness, stubbornness, doubts, and down-right arrogance in return. Blows my mind. Seems too good to be true, but deep down in my soul somewhere I know that it is true.

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My dear friend Charlotte shares how deciding to follow Jesus dramatically reshaped her life–and especially SLEEP!! for the better 😀

My Thoughts as I Listened Back:

Life takes a lot of courage—no matter what we believe. To wake up, get out of bed and take any steps- say any words-feel any feelings- takes courage. I just kept thinking of that word courage as I listened to Charlotte talk about when she was a little girl. She was experiencing horrific nightmares, fatigue, and family burdens. That’s a lot to walk through for anyone, especially a young person. And yet, when she was at a crossroads in her life, when she felt snowed under with no direction, she had the courage to pray. She didn’t know if anything would happen, if anyone would listen, or if there was even anyone to pray to—but something inside of her gave her the courage just to try. To put her heart out there and just see. I love that. I’ve felt that way before too. Have I always had confidence that God hears me? No. That He is real? No. That He not only hears me but takes action on what He hears? No. And He isn’t mad at me for that. He welcomes us and our prayers—even the ones prayed with just an ounce of courage to try. And I can honestly say that He loves us enough to meet us there in our unbelief—in the confusion—in the doubts, “this is my last hope so I might as well try” places.

I really believe that the physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual are all intertwined. So when she talks about the night she slept soundly for the first time, I believe whole-heartedly that that was a gift from God. As I learn more about His character and how He interacts with me, it is much easier to recognize gifts from Him and not just as coincidences. But ya know, I’m still growing and still learning. So I’ve had moments where I understand the peace that she is talking about, and plenty of other moments where I let my emotions take over and refuse to listen to Him as He speaks. Or moments where everything just feels murky and cloudy rather than clear and straightforward. But God understands—life is messy and unpredictable—so I just do the best I can to watch out for Him, listen and try to take steps toward Faith, Hope and Love.

One of the reasons I am most drawn to Jesus is His love for healing, redemption, kindness, restoration and making sure everyone feels welcome. Over and over again in the Bible does it say that the outcasts in the worlds eyes are in places of honour in God’s eyes. No one is outside of His love. I love getting to be a part of bringing those beautiful things into the world! I love knowing that as I follow Jesus and listen out for Him to nudge me into action, my actions will start to align with His desire to bring Light and Love into all of creation—even in the darkest places He longs to bring Life! How cool! I get so emotional just thinking about what an adventure that is! How glad I am to be a part of that work in the world. So much Hope!

“Don’t fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God’s wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It’s wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life.” Philippians 4:6-7

“In peace I will both lie down and sleep; for you alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety.” Psalm 4:8

“And so we know the love that God has for us, and we trust that love. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God lives in him” 1 John 4:16

“God are you actually there? Do you care about me? Are you far away? Do you want to interact with me?” These are really understandable and normal questions. I mean, they are HUGE and important questions, but I think we can all relate to them-at least somewhat. The idea of wrestling with purpose, creation, the “whys,” and the hope/fear/thought of the existence of God. Anna talks through how she struggles with depression—but nothing could anchor her---nothing could offer her peace—except for God.

I think as she was speaking, what stood out to me is the impact that faith in Jesus has on people’s lives. She and her family packed up and moved to a completely different country, different culture following Him-desiring to share His love with others. People give their entire lives to follow Him---and sometimes even enter a much harder life because of their faith. To me, that stands out. That begs the question—what are they understanding/seeing/getting in return that gives them the courage and willingness to be changed in such dramatic ways. Ya know?

I told her that I loved listening to her story because it sounds like such an adventure. I mean that! I know yall know that about me too—I love Adventures! I love the big picture idea of seeing Good conquer evil, Light breaking into darkness, the whimsy of a family traveling the world sharing Love with everyone they meet.

Anna has walked through suffering—but she doesn’t sound scared of it. Not that she is excited to have hard times, but she speaks with the conviction that she knows firsthand she will never walk through suffering alone—but that Jesus will draw close to her and give comfort and peace throughout. Let me confess something that might sound totally crazy---but in my own life/faith journey, I’m getting to this place where my deepest desire is to be with Jesus more and more. To encounter Him, walk with Him, hear Him---no matter what. The stuff in my life feels less significant (in a good way!) in comparison. I definitely do not want to experience hardships, but even more than that---I do want to be close to God. Knowing that He is with me in the good times and hard times, takes away my desire to control my life so carefully to avoid pain/suffering at all costs. The desire to “store up” or hold tightly to my “things” kind of has melted away.

She said something similar to the other folks I have spoken to in this podcast---that now, because of what she has seen/experienced with Jesus—she couldn’t turn her back on Him even if she wanted to. It’s hard to “unsee” and “unexperience” moments that have been life-changing. I feel the same way! On the days when I am asking those big questions I started this blog with, I just keep remembering what I’ve seen, heard, experienced, felt—and I can’t turn away!

Listening to Anna share her story was so moving for me. To hear her say that it is because of Jesus she is still here today is such a raw declaration. But she is here today and she is still living in Peru, following Jesus and sharing with anyone she can His love. I love how she shared that even through the waves of depression, something deep in her spirit swells up and calls her to see the eternal picture. To see His heart in creation, to dream of more than she can see. That resonates with my spirit. She doesn’t have all the answers, but she knows what she has experienced.

Another thing that has stood out to me in this short time doing this podcast so far---is the simplicity of how they describe their faith—but also their day to day. There is not a huge checklist of how to be the perfect Christian---the way folks are talking about it is as though they are doing life with a friend. Speaking to Jesus throughout the day, asking Him to lead and guide them on paths of Faith, Hope and Love. Beautiful!

A brief introduction about my hopes and intentions for this podcast.