Conversations Worth Having: Jackie Stavros & Cheri Torres Your Intended Message

Everything happens because of a conversation
How can you shape your conversations for more positive results?
 
Jackie Stavros and Cheri Torres challenge us and guide us on how to create and participate with more productive conversations - both with ourselves and others.
Episode 94 (Jackie is based in Michigan. Cheri is based in North Carolina)
 
In this conversation we explore:
The difference between appreciative and depreciative conversations
How to use curiosity as a conversational tool
The concept and practice of Appreciative Inquiry
How to manage the conversation in your head
How to build a stronger team with better questions
The power of generative questions and positive reframing
 
About my guests:
They are co-authors of the book, Conversations Worth Having: Using Appreciative Inquiry to Fuel Productive and Meaningful Engagement
 
Learn more about Conversations Worth Having and the free resources here.

 
Jackie Stavros is known for creating a program called SOAR. That's a positive approach to strategic thinking, planning and leading. She's worked in 25 countries using appreciative inquiry to help 1,000s of people. 
Cheri Torres is a serial entrepreneur having started one nonprofit and two for profit organizations. She holds a Master's in transpersonal psychology and PhD in educational psychology.
 
Excerpts from this conversation with Jackie Stavos and Cheri Torres
 
02:50
The book is called Conversations worth having. And it is it's focused on the idea that everything we do happens in conversation, whether in conversation with others, or a conversation with ourselves.
And so if we want to have the outcomes we are hoping for, we need to be careful about the conversations we have, we need to choose to have conversations that move us towards what we want conversations that invite strong relationships, and bring us well being as well in the way we engage in those conversations.
 
03:33
Now, I'm curious, I imagine that all conversations, start with the conversation with ourselves. And I'm also wondering, How much control do we have over those self conversations?
 
03:48
That's a great question, George. I think if you're aware of it, and we're talking about it now, you are you have an intention to decide, am I going to come into a conversation above the line from an appreciative space?
Or, you know, am I am I below the line? And in our book, we talk about the importance of tuning into yourself, and simply asking a question, Where am I?
Am I above the line, or that depreciated place below the line. And if you're below the line, and you're listening to this, just try this technique to pause. Take a deep breath, see how that feels in you and get curious and just pausing and breathing. Get you to move above the line. It just resets your whole body mindset.
 
04:33
Jackie, I want to clarify what the line represents.
 
04:37
So imagine a straight line. If you're above the line, that's called an appreciative space where I value you, George, I value the situation that we're in. And I want to add value so that's appreciation.
If you're below that line, you're in that depreciated space where you know I may not be valuing you I may not value the situation. mission.
And sometimes, if you don't think about your intended message, you could fall, the words can take you below the line. And even if you don't get enough sleep or have enough water, or, you know, just just your physiologic can push it below that line. So think about where am I?
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12:57
Now, Sherry, I noticed some, some powerful wisdom in there and advice. And what, what resonated with me is that when one when we think we're being criticised that instead of responding in anger, or defending, or counter attacking, we respond with curiosity.
 
13:26
Hey, George, that's exactly right. Get curious.
Jackie mentioned that tuning in that,  can we be intentional with our conversations?
That when you someone criticises you, it's normal to feel defensive, or like want