Being Well with Forrest Hanson and Dr. Rick Hanson Rick Hanson, Ph.D., Forrest Hanson

Psychological defenses are subconscious strategies we use to protect ourselves from uncomfortable emotions, and they exert a hidden power over our behavior. From denial and repression to projection and rationalization, Dr. Rick and Forrest explore how these defenses shape our actions, influence our relationships, and affect our overall well-being.
They start with the function and structure of most defenses, before giving a few simple examples. Rick then dives into the role of defenses in psychoanalytic theory, their role in managing self-worth and shame, and what we can do to become less defensive over time. They close with practical strategies for working with our defenses, including a brief discussion of what we can do to help other people with their defenses.
You can watch this episode on YouTube.
Key Topics:
0:00: Introduction
2:30: Psychological and historical factors influencing psychological defensiveness
8:00: Some examples of unconscious anxiety bubbling up
12:00: Repression, regression, projection, reaction formation, and sublimation
16:55: An overview of Freud’s developmental model of the personality
24:10: A few examples of how our defenses manifest
33:40: Consciousness, competence, and joining the defense
44:00: Navigating shame and guilt
50:15: Distress tolerance
57:15: Social connection, and finding healthy outlets
1:00:20: When and how to approach others about their defensiveness
1:10:45: Recap
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Dr. Rick and Forrest finish their series on the stress responses with the fawn response: an appeasement strategy where we manage stressful situations by giving others what they want. Rick and Forrest start by discussing common symptoms, including people pleasing, self-abandonment, difficulty saying no, weak boundaries, and chronic self-sacrifice. They talk about the roots of the fawn response and its connection to complex PTSD before exploring people pleasing in detail. In the second half of the episode they focus on practical tools for developing healthy boundaries, self-acceptance, and a stronger sense of self.
You can watch this episode on YouTube.
Key Topics: 
0:00: Introduction
2:15: What the fawn response looks like
9:05: Power imbalances, shame, and contempt
11:35: What personal history tends to lead to fawning?
20:00: How to work on the tendency to fawn
36:30: Shame, self-acceptance, and opening up to self-expression
41:25: The fawn response in relationship
46:40: Becoming your own source of safety
52:20: Making equitable arrangements, and acknowledging your best efforts
1:01:50: Recap
I am now writing on Substack, check out my work there. 
Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link.
Sponsors
Sign up for a one-dollar-per-month trial period at shopify.com/beingwell. 
Transform your health with the ZOE Science & Nutrition podcast. Find it wherever you listen to podcasts.
Zocdoc helps you find expert doctors and medical professionals that specialize in the care you need, and deliver the type of experience you want. Head to zocdoc.com/being and download the Zocdoc app for FREE.
OneSkin focuses on delivering more than superficial results for your skin. Get started today with 15% off using code BEINGWELL at oneskin.co. 
Join over a million people using BetterHelp, the world’s largest online counseling platform. Visit betterhelp.com/beingwell for 10% off your first month!
Connect with the show:

Subscribe on iTunes

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Somatic trauma therapist Elizabeth Ferreira joins Forrest to explore how we can create more secure relationships. They talk about the lessons they've learned from their relationship, the impact of trauma and prior relationship wounds, and how very different people can make things work. Topics include complex PTSD, how to work through disagreements, changing our model of relationships, and learning how to actually support your partner.
I loved this conversation, and hope you enjoy it!
You can watch this episode on YouTube.
Key Topics: 
0:00: Introduction
1:10: The myth of relationships solving your problems, and self-awareness
4:25: Me, you, and us
13:45: Changing your partner by changing yourself
16:45: Embracing the challenges of vulnerability
23:25: Disagreeing well, making specific requests, and holding space
33:05: Learning how to support your partner
37:40: Five different styles of relationship
40:55: Moving from trying to please your partner to showing compassion
45:15: Love as a choice, and expressing wants and needs positively
49:30: Simply liking your partner
I am now writing on Substack, check out my work there. 
Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link.
Sponsors
Join over a million people using BetterHelp, the world’s largest online counseling platform. Visit betterhelp.com/beingwell for 10% off your first month!
If you’re navigating something messy, call The Dr. John Delony Show. Dr. John shares practical advice on how to connect with people, face depression, overcome anxiety, and learn what it means to be well. Listen wherever you get your podcasts. 
Transform your health with the ZOE Science & Nutrition podcast. Find it wherever you listen to podcasts.
OneSkin focuses on delivering more than superficial results for your skin. Get started today with 15% off using code BEINGWELL at oneskin.co. 
Connect with the show:

Subscribe on iTunes

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Dr. Rick and Forrest open up the mailbag and answer questions from listeners. They explore how to deal with chronically negative people, managing avoidant tendencies that get in the way of us finding a great relationship, and separating normal desires for support from more problematic ones. They then talk about how we can build self-confidence and become more internally referenced, before closing the episode with a sticky situation involving supporting an aging parent. 
If you’d like to send in a question to be answered on the podcast, join our Patreon or email us at contact@beingwellpodcast.com.
You can watch this episode on YouTube.
Key Topics: 
0:00: Introduction
1:00: My friend is chronically negative, what can I do?
13:05: How can I move past a cycle of avoidance that’s inhibiting my ability to find a good relationship?
26:05: I want to be supported by my partner, but I’m worried about becoming enmeshed. How can I seek help in a healthy way?
39:30: How do I stop seeking validation from others?
45:20: How do I react to ongoing criticism from an aging parent?
58:15: Recap
I am now writing on Substack, check out my work there. 
Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link.
Sponsors
Join over a million people using BetterHelp, the world’s largest online counseling platform. Visit betterhelp.com/beingwell for 10% off your first month!
If you’re navigating something messy, call The Dr. John Delony Show. Dr. John shares practical advice on how to connect with people, face depression, overcome anxiety, and learn what it means to be well. Listen wherever you get your podcasts. 
Transform your health with the ZOE Science & Nutrition podcast. Find it wherever you listen to podcasts.
OneSkin focuses on delivering more than superficial results for your skin. Get started today with 15% off using code BEINGWELL at oneskin.co. 
Connect with the show:

Subscribe on iTunes

Follow Forrest on YouTube

Follow us on Instagram

Follow Forrest on Instagram

Follow Rick on Facebook

Follow Forrest on Facebook

Visit Forrest's website

Forrest and Dr. Rick explore “manifesting:” the idea that our thoughts impact the world around us, and by changing those thoughts we can change our lives. Talking about manifesting is complicated, because on the one hand our thoughts really do matter. On the other, manifesting is closely tied to a small mountain of problematic pseudoscience. They discuss and debate some of the issues with manifesting and the law of attraction before focusing on how to apply key psychological principles to create the life you want. 
Rick and Forrest talk about creating clarity around our goals, setting intentions, improving self-worth and self-efficacy, and overcoming some of the negative unconscious beliefs that can get in our way, before exploring authenticity, consistent effort, and working with fear and inhibition. Then Rick closes the episode by walking us through a practical example of how to change a belief.
You can watch this episode on YouTube.
Key Topics:
0:00: Introduction
3:00: Defining manifestation, and separating psychological and supernatural mechanisms of action
6:55: The mind-body connection, and the psychological aspects of manifesting
15:50: Charlatanism, preying on uncertainty, and the problems with the law of attraction
25:20: Changing behavior vs. changing thoughts, and the lure of the supernatural
32:10: If you want to skip the context, start here.
32:35: Getting what we subconsciously believe we are worthy of, and “don’t know” mind
38:50: Identifying wants, surrendering to the best within us, and using pain as a guide
48:55: Embracing the reality of consistent effort
54:55: How to change a negative belief
1:08:10: Recap
I am now writing on Substack, check out my work there. 
Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link.
Sponsors
Join over a million people using BetterHelp, the world’s largest online counseling platform. Visit betterhelp.com/beingwell for 10% off your first month!
If you’re navigating something messy, call The Dr. John Delony Show. Dr. John shares practical advice on how to connect with people, face depression, overcome anxiety, and learn what it means to be well. Listen wherever you get your podcasts. 
Transform your health with the ZOE Science & Nutrition podcast. Find it wherever you listen to podcasts.
OneSkin focuses on delivering more than superficial results for your skin. Get started today with 15% off using code BEINGWELL at oneskin.co. 
Connect with the show:

Subscribe on iTunes

Follow Forrest on YouTube

Follow us on Instagram

Follow Forrest on Instagram

Follow Rick on Facebook

Follow Forrest on Facebook

Visit Forrest's website

Dr. Rick and Forrest discuss the “flight” response to stress, which includes feelings of anxiety and fear, avoidant behavior, and an underlying sense of insecurity. They explore the emotions and behaviors associated with the flight response, and how we can build up a stronger, more secure sense of who we are. Rick shares some practical tools that will help you change your self-concept, safely apply principles from graduated exposure, and feel safer from the inside-out.
I’ve loved this series on the stress responses, and think you’ll get a lot out of this episode.
You can watch this episode on YouTube.
Key Topics:
0:00: Introduction
1:00: The purpose of the flight response, and when it is and isn’t useful
5:35: Social withdrawal, conflict avoidance, and preserving safety vs. comfort
12:15: The trouble with low likelihood, high-cost risks
16:35: Exploring our capacity for stress, and identifying the risks worth taking
26:30: Feeling “sturdy,” and why we choose the flight response vs. other stress responses
33:30: Graduated exposure 
39:05: Learning to trust our new capabilities as we change
44:50: Overdoing a change as a form of self-sabotage, and reserving the power to flee
54:25: Responding to anxiety
1:01:40: Being present with painful situations we can’t escape
1:08:40: Recap
I am now writing on Substack, check out my work there. 
Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link.
Sponsors
Join over a million people using BetterHelp, the world’s largest online counseling platform. Visit betterhelp.com/beingwell for 10% off your first month!
If you’re navigating something messy, call The Dr. John Delony Show. Dr. John shares practical advice on how to connect with people, face depression, overcome anxiety, and learn what it means to be well. Listen wherever you get your podcasts. 
Transform your health with the ZOE Science & Nutrition podcast. Find it wherever you listen to podcasts.
OneSkin focuses on delivering more than superficial results for your skin. Get started today with 15% off using code BEINGWELL at oneskin.co. 
Connect with the show:

Subscribe on iTunes

Follow Forrest on YouTube

Follow us on Instagram

Follow Forrest on Instagram

Follow Rick on Facebook

Follow Forrest on Facebook

Visit Forrest's website