Disordered: Anxiety Help Josh Fletcher and Drew Linsalata

This week on Disordered we're looking at anxiety focused on relationships, specifically a form of OCD known as Relationship OCD (ROCD).



ROCD - like all forms of OCD - will glue itself to things that really matter to us. In this case, being in loving, secure, successful relationships with people we love and who love us. Someone with ROCD even when involved in what by all accounts may be a very healthy and satisfying relationship experiences doubt about various aspects of those relationships. Far beyond the usual questions and doubt that all people might experience now and then, ROCD doubt will trigger extreme discomfort and a sense of distress, demanding that one engage in rituals and compulsions designed to alleviate that sense of distress.



The thing is ... as usual ... that relief never lasts. ROCD will toss whatever assurance, solution, or peace our compulsions bring us, demanding that the cycle of doubt and rituals be repeated again and again.



The episode does include discussion of attachment theory/styles and self-esteem issues that may in fact play a role for people with ROCD, however the focus remains on treating the OCD itself before digging into what may be associated issues.



As always, the guys share some success stories from the listener community and answer a question about the difference between distraction and productive focusing of attention.





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Struggling with worry and rumination that you feel you can't stop or control? Check out ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Worry and Rumination Explained⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠, a two hour pre-recorded workshop produced by Josh and Drew. The workshop takes a deep dive into the mechanics of worrying and ruminating, offering some helpful ways to approach the seemingly unsolvable problem of trying to solve seemingly unsolveable problems.



⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://bit.ly/worryrumination⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

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Want to ask us questions, share your wins, or get more information about Josh, Drew, and the Disordered podcast?



Visit us on the web at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://disordered.fm⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠



Disclaimer: Disordered is not therapy or a replacement for therapy. Listening to Disordered does not create a therapeutic relationship between you and the hosts of the podcast. Information here is provided for psychoeducational purposes. As always, when you have questions about your well-being, please consult your mental health and/or medical care providers. If you are having a mental health crisis, always reach out immediately for in-person help.

WHAT ABOUT NOCTURNAL PANIC ATTACKS? HOW DO WE DEAL WITH THOSE?



Nocturnal panic attacks are scary, disturbing, disruptive, and often feel like they are different from any other kind of panic attack. Anxious people will often insist that they are special, they can't possibly be approached with an attitude of tolerance or surrender, and that there must be special instructions or techniques for preventing them, stopping them, or getting over them.



But nocturnal panic attacks, as difficult as they are to experience, are not special nor different. This week on Disordered Josh and Drew are digging into what nocturnal panic attacks are all about and why they seem different or in need of a particular or special approach.



The guys also touch on how nocturnal panic attacks can impact people struggling with OCD or recurring or intrusive thoughts. There's also a discussion of scary or vivid dreams and how they are also often interpreted as dangerous or very important.



As always we have some excellent "did it anyways" from the community and an excellent question about what happens when living according to one's values becomes a bit extreme and results in overwhelm and burnout.



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Struggling with worry and rumination that you feel you can't stop or control? Check out ⁠⁠⁠⁠Worry and Rumination Explained⁠⁠⁠⁠, a two hour pre-recorded workshop produced by Josh and Drew. The workshop takes a deep dive into the mechanics of worrying and ruminating, offering some helpful ways to approach the seemingly unsolvable problem of trying to solve seemingly unsolveable problems.



⁠⁠⁠⁠https://bit.ly/worryrumination⁠⁠⁠⁠

-----

Want to ask us questions, share your wins, or get more information about Josh, Drew, and the Disordered podcast?



Visit us on the web at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://disordered.fm⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠



Disclaimer: Disordered is not therapy or a replacement for therapy. Listening to Disordered does not create a therapeutic relationship between you and the hosts of the podcast. Information here is provided for psychoeducational purposes. As always, when you have questions about your well-being, please consult your mental health and/or medical care providers. If you are having a mental health crisis, always reach out immediately for in-person help.

WHAT DOES "VALUES DRIVEN RECOVERY" MEAN?



Anxiety recovery can be seen as one long journey away from fear driven behavior and toward behaviors that support the things we really value in life. This week Josh and Drew are talking about what values driven recovery mean and how your values - the things that matter to you and make you who you are and want to be - play a role in the recovery process.



A few key points from this episode:




Identifying and exploring your values is worthwhile because knowing WHY you are choosing to do scary, difficult things can support your recovery efforts.
Not really remembering what non-anxious you looks like is a common experience in our community. Focusing on values and can help us re-connect to who we really are rather than who anxiety tells us to be.
Connecting to your values and working on values driven recovery is a great plan, but be careful about assuming that your values will instantly override your fear. Sometimes but look to your values as a source of motivation, not as a way to smash anxiety and run it over.
Sometimes life gives us no choice and waves our values in our faces, demanding that we either follow them or retreat in a given moment. See if you can recognize those moments and use them in a positive way rather than defaulting to feeling defeated when you can't easily "rise up" to meet those challenges on demand.



As usual we're celebrating some "Did It Anyway" submissions from members of the community, and we answer a question about how social anxiety and agoraphobia can be connected in some cases.



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Struggling with worry and rumination that you feel you can't stop or control? Check out ⁠⁠⁠Worry and Rumination Explained⁠⁠⁠, a two hour pre-recorded workshop produced by Josh and Drew. The workshop takes a deep dive into the mechanics of worrying and ruminating, offering some helpful ways to approach the seemingly unsolvable problem of trying to solve seemingly unsolveable problems.



⁠⁠⁠https://bit.ly/worryrumination⁠⁠⁠

-----

Want to ask us questions, share your wins, or get more information about Josh, Drew, and the Disordered podcast?



Visit us on the web at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://disordered.fm⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠



Disclaimer: Disordered is not therapy or a replacement for therapy. Listening to Disordered does not create a therapeutic relationship between you and the hosts of the podcast. Information here is provided for psychoeducational purposes. As always, when you have questions about your well-being, please consult your mental health and/or medical care providers. If you are having a mental health crisis, always reach out immediately for in-person help.

BUT WHAT ABOUT WHEN YOU'RE TENSE AND SORE? HOW CAN YOU HANDLE THAT?



This is one of those questions we get asked all the time. In this episode of Disordered, we're taking a look at how tension, soreness, twitches, and feelings of muscle weakness fit into the anxiety and recover picture.



Anxious, scared bodies are going to anxious, scared body things. That's how we're designed. There's nothing wrong with being medically checked, and once you've been cleared your job becomes acknowledging that tension and related issues are going to be part of this equation.



It's not the tension, the soreness, or the twitching that matters most. These are certainly impactful and unpleasant, but the part we care most about is the continued choice to focus on these sensations, ruminate on them, and attempt to frantically escape from them or force them to stop. That just makes things worse.



Once again, we find ourselves confronted with the difficult task of acknowledging in a compassionate way, then exercising the skills of letting go and willfully tolerating an unpleasant experience. Why? So we can learn that unpleasant doesn't automatically equal dangerous or catastrophic.

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Struggling with worry and rumination that you feel you can't stop or control? Check out ⁠⁠Worry and Rumination Explained⁠⁠, a two hour pre-recorded workshop produced by Josh and Drew. The workshop takes a deep dive into the mechanics of worrying and ruminating, offering some helpful ways to approach the seemingly unsolvable problem of trying to solve seemingly unsolveable problems.



⁠⁠https://bit.ly/worryrumination⁠⁠

-----

Want to ask us questions, share your wins, or get more information about Josh, Drew, and the Disordered podcast?



Visit us on the web at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://disordered.fm⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠



Disclaimer: Disordered is not therapy or a replacement for therapy. Listening to Disordered does not create a therapeutic relationship between you and the hosts of the podcast. Information here is provided for psychoeducational purposes. As always, when you have questions about your well-being, please consult your mental health and/or medical care providers. If you are having a mental health crisis, always reach out immediately for in-person help.

"I know I'm not supposed to focus inward or engage with my anxious or intrusive thoughts, but what am I supposed to think about?!"



This week Josh and Drew answer an excellent question from a listener that hasn't really been asked before. What do you do when your anxious thoughts keep coming even when you don't want them to come, and when you insist that you MUST only focus outward because that's how recovery is done?



Spoiler alert ... if you're in the business of trying to stop your thoughts or never hear or notice them so you can perfectly focus outward to recover, you can get out of that business right now. Anxious thoughts focused on your internal state - thoughts about you and how you feel - are going to come no matter what we do. This is normal and expected for all humans.



The secret sauce here is in the continued practice of noticing those thoughts when they happen, seeing that they exist, and not launching into thought stopping or thought control responses. Its OK to have whatever thoughts your brain creates. See them, acknowledge that you are thinking like all humans do, refrain from judging and evaluating the thoughts as proper or improper, then do your best to bring them with you as you do life.



Is this frustrating at times? You bet it is. Be nice to yourself when you get frustrated and impatient with this process, and always remember that you simply cannot demand to not have a thought. Insisting that you must only think outward thoughts is a dead end and never works, so soften that stance, let your brain do its thing, and try not to treat your thoughts like they require control, management, or engineering.

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Struggling with worry and rumination that you feel you can't stop or control? Check out ⁠Worry and Rumination Explained⁠, a two hour pre-recorded workshop produced by Josh and Drew. The workshop takes a deep dive into the mechanics of worrying and ruminating, offering some helpful ways to approach the seemingly unsolvable problem of trying to solve seemingly unsolveable problems.



⁠https://bit.ly/worryrumination⁠

-----

Want to ask us questions, share your wins, or get more information about Josh, Drew, and the Disordered podcast?



Visit us on the web at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://disordered.fm⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠



Disclaimer: Disordered is not therapy or a replacement for therapy. Listening to Disordered does not create a therapeutic relationship between you and the hosts of the podcast. Information here is provided for psychoeducational purposes. As always, when you have questions about your well-being, please consult your mental health and/or medical care providers. If you are having a mental health crisis, always reach out immediately for in-person help.

WHAT RECOVERY LENS ARE YOU LOOKING THROUGH?



This week Drew and Josh take a bit of an unexpected turn to explore ways that CBT and exposure-based approaches to recovery can fall short. Recovery can't always be about facing, accepting, exposures, and Claire Weekes. While we might not look to other models to unearth deeply hidden root causes for an anxiety disorder, other theoretical frameworks can be quite useful - or even necessary - to conceptualize why one might encounter obstacles in the recovery process itself.



In this episode, the guys so a little Transactional Analysis role play, drag the venerable Carl Rogers into the recovery forum, and generally provide different ways of looking at how you see yourself and what recovery lenses you might be looking through.



----

Struggling with worry and rumination that you feel you can't stop or control? Check out Worry and Rumination Explained, a two hour pre-recorded workshop produced by Josh and Drew. The workshop takes a deep dive into the mechanics of worrying and ruminating, offering some helpful ways to approach the seemingly unsolvable problem of trying to solve seemingly unsolveable problems.



https://bit.ly/worryrumination

-----

Want to ask us questions, share your wins, or get more information about Josh, Drew, and the Disordered podcast?



Visit us on the web at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://disordered.fm⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠



Disclaimer: Disordered is not therapy or a replacement for therapy. Listening to Disordered does not create a therapeutic relationship between you and the hosts of the podcast. Information here is provided for psychoeducational purposes. As always, when you have questions about your well-being, please consult your mental health and/or medical care providers. If you are having a mental health crisis, always reach out immediately for in-person help.