RiseUp - Live Joy Your Way Kamini Wood

A lot of the conversations happening today are around how to be a good leader, especially a leader that is able to have empathy when they’re trying to get things done and have deadlines to complete. Leaders have a lot of pressure put on them to perform and sometimes can lose their cool on their people.
 
It is a common struggle among people who are leading or managing a team on how they can get their team to take action faster while still being able to use empathy when faced with unique challenges. It is not always an easy balance to be understanding and to be aggressive with adversity. 
 
People who show up and say, ‘It’s my way or the highway.’ tend not to get far in their leadership career. The authoritative approach ends up being a more costly one later down the line. So, what makes a good leader successful? Usually they are patient and empathic. They are able to communicate effectively as well as listen to the concerns of their people. 
 
To be a good leader, it’s also important to accept accountability for your actions; even when things go wrong. Good leaders also have the ability to build trust early on. How do they do this so quickly and effortlessly? A good resource to use is a book by Marshall Rosenberg called, Nonviolent Communication. In this book, he discusses the various ways you can build connection even during heavy conflict situations. It’s a must read for all inspiring leaders! 
 
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If you have social anxiety, a lot of the time people associate that with shyness or introversion. It can be a bit strange to find out that extroverts might also struggle with social interactions and anxiety. These feelings are not mutually exclusive to one type of person! 
 
We should clarify and define what introversion vs. extroversion is. People who are introverted prefer to recharge when they’re alone and extroverts tend to get their energy when they’re with people. However, when you are an outgoing person by nature with social anxiety, you can have an internal conflict happening. 
 
There is also this notion that extroverted people are naturally the life of the party. When extroverts have an expectation to fill, this can cause even more nervousness for them, especially if they are known to be ‘fun and always down for a good time’. This is why it’s so important to not put people into boxes because none of us are immune to these feelings of insecurity, anxiety, and self-doubt. 
 
If you’re an extrovert that craves to be around people, but you feel overwhelmed by their expectations or you feel like you have to ‘perform’ for others, then it’s important to start small. Go for the less-effort tiers of social situations that are not as triggering for you. This might be going to a friend’s house and just playing a video game together. This might be getting a cup of coffee, or doing a pet walking date. There are many low-tier ways to recharge your social battery without having the spotlight shine on you. 
 
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Let’s talk about conscious parenting. It is very common to go through a rollercoaster of emotions when trying to raise your child, especially if you’re a first time parent. Sometimes we lose our cool and we don’t always react appropriately to a situation. 
 
Kamini recently witnessed a father completely lose his cool and berate his daughter for walking off and out of sight. It can be scary to lose your child! However, this father was screaming at his 5-year-old daughter and it brought up some very uneasy feelings at how young this child was to be receiving this level of treatment. 
 
The father even said at one point, “Name all the ways you were bad today.” Wow! It can be easy to judge, but this is how moments like this get internalized for children and carried into adulthood. This was very shaming language to use and not a great way to treat another person, much less a developing child. 
 
It was obvious the father was in a dysregulated state due to something frightening occurring, but it is our jobs as parents to control ourselves and communicate to the best of our ability. If we are in this state, it’s important to recognize it and take time for ourselves to calm down, and then we can parent from an empowered and conscious state. 



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Self-care doesn’t mean you have to treat yourself to a lavish spa day or spend large quantities of money to take care of yourself. Your self is as personal and as intimate as you want it to be. A self-care day could simply mean finding low-tier ways to rejuvenate your spiritual, emotional, social, and physical well-being. 
 
We want to think of self-care as a space that you create that allows you to reset and destress from the chaotic world. What that looks like varies from individual to individual. The act of self-care is the act of being self-ful and not an act of being selfish. So many chronic overpleasers and people who are on the verge of burnout feel such a sense of guilt and dread when they take some time just ‘for themselves’. Instead, we should re-frame self-care in a positive light. It should be as necessary as brushing your teeth in the morning. 
 
What are the 7 pillars of self-care? We have physical health, emotional well-being, social connection, spiritual fulfillment, personal development, environmental management, and finally, we have financial stability. Now that we know what the 7 pillars of self-care are, we can find creative ways to cultivate and energize these pillars based on our lifestyle, values, and schedule.  
 
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When we set boundaries, a side effect or a thought that can pop into our heads could be that we’re giving up or walking away from something important, but that couldn’t be further from the truth! When you set boundaries, you’re not forcing someone to ‘stop’ or you’re not ‘giving up’ and resigning, you’re reinforcing what you will or will not tolerate. If that person refuses to listen, then that’s when you know what that person really thinks about you and your needs! 
 
It is completely okay to walk away from something that doesn’t serve you or respects your boundaries. Walking away from something toxic is not a sign of weakness! You shouldn’t have to ‘push through’ the pain in order to feel worthy, loveable, or whole. When people disrespect your boundaries, it says everything about them and not you. 
 
If you’ve ever felt selfish for having boundaries, take a moment to reframe and realign yourself. It’s actually self-ful to have boundaries and standards to how you want others to treat you. If something doesn’t work for you anymore, there is no reason why you shouldn’t be able to back out and walk away from it. It is okay to change your mind or even say no when things don’t feel right for you. 
 
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Today, let’s talk about conflict! Sometimes, when we do not want to confront something, our people-pleasing traits get activated so that we can move through the discomfort as quickly and as less confrontational as possible. Conflict is scary! 
 
However, it’s important to train ourselves that conflict isn’t always so bad. If we avoid conflict, then we also avoid the opportunity for growth and further connection with that individual. Conflict does have its purpose and we need to reframe how we interact with it. 
 
So, what does healthy conflict look like? If you and the other person are in a disagreement, turn on your active listening skills. It’s important that you sit to listen and hear the other person, and not just hear them to response and deflect as quickly as possible. 
 
Another key aspect to healthy communication is when we have the ability to use ‘I’ statements instead of general ‘you’ statements. When you use the word ‘I’, you unlock a very powerful tool that helps address the root of your problem and feelings without putting the other person on the defensive. 



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