28 min
#216: Feminine Men & the Nice Guy Dilemma - Dating Q&A with Anna Rova CLAIMED — Feminine/Masculine Polarity. Femininity. Embodiment.
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- Relationships
A woman in my Claimed client community (let's call her Jane) recently raised a juicy subject that I think is important for us to talk more about. So I decided to record a special episode to address her question.
(Listen to the full episode for more great Q&As around this topic from listeners who tuned into the live recording. )
Here’s what Jane asks:
“I'm dating this guy. He's a great guy and he would do anything for me. But I don't feel like I'm in love with him. My friends say that he's amazing and I'd be foolish to end this."
To Jane, and to every woman who finds themselves in this situation, I suggest asking yourself these questions:
1. How does it feel?
I have another client who says that she’s seeing this guy who’s extremely spiritual and talks about his feelings a lot and she’s not sure whether she should continue.
When I asked her this question in our group coaching call, she said something like, “Well, I think it’s great that he’s in touch with his feelings, but something isn’t right.
I’m questioning whether this is a good dynamic because I don’t want to fall back into my previous pattern of being with a man who is totally in his feelings and I’m ‘wearing the pants’ and that doesn’t feel good.”
This leads me to my next question…
2. Are you attracted to this man?
Usually, once we’ve identified how it feels, this is an easy one to answer.
No? Okay, next question…
3. Who’s holding more space for who?
Do you feel like you can completely trust this man? You can completely break down, and let him take care of you and himself when the sh*t hits the fan and things go down?
My sense is that your answer would also be no here.
When you know that:
1. This doesn’t feel good to you
2. You’re not attracted to this man &
3. You can’t completely trust him, let go of control, and just let him lead…
Then you know that you’re in the driver’s seat.
The polarity is reversed. You are in your masculine and he’s in his feminine.
Of course, there are a lot of questions and “grey areas” around these labels, but remember, they’re just labels.
What matters most is what you feel in your body.
Most women identify with a feminine essence which means we want to surrender.
We want to let go. We want to be taken. Ravished. And taken care of. By a masculine man.
So, when we are with a “nice guy,” we basically know that we can pretty much walk all over him… one way or another at one point or another.
And so if you do not stop or reverse this dynamic from the beginning, you might end up being in a long-term relationship, maybe even married.
I have a lot of clients who’ve been married to these men. And walked all over them. Told them what to do. Had children with them. And, look, every situation is different, but at the end of the day, that’s not fulfilling. You're not going to be attracted to your man. You're not going to respect him. You’re not going to trust him.
As feminine essence women, we have a deep need to feel safe. We have a deep need to let go of control and be taken care of.
So, that’s basically your answer. And it’s very simple.
But, I also know how easy it is to fall into because I have been in a long-term relationship myself with a man who is feminine.
And when I talk about “feminine men,” what I mean is men who are sitting on the feminine end of the polarity spectrum,energetically speaking.
Like magnetic poles, the opposite ends of the spectrum attract one another.
The more you are in your feminine as a woman, the more you attract masculine men. And the reverse is true.
If you are a woman who is very much in her masculine power, making all the decisions, leading the relationship forward you’re going to be attracting “feminine men.”
In other words, men who are in their feminine energy at that point in time. And that’s not to say they are necessarily feminine in their essence.
Many modern women w
A woman in my Claimed client community (let's call her Jane) recently raised a juicy subject that I think is important for us to talk more about. So I decided to record a special episode to address her question.
(Listen to the full episode for more great Q&As around this topic from listeners who tuned into the live recording. )
Here’s what Jane asks:
“I'm dating this guy. He's a great guy and he would do anything for me. But I don't feel like I'm in love with him. My friends say that he's amazing and I'd be foolish to end this."
To Jane, and to every woman who finds themselves in this situation, I suggest asking yourself these questions:
1. How does it feel?
I have another client who says that she’s seeing this guy who’s extremely spiritual and talks about his feelings a lot and she’s not sure whether she should continue.
When I asked her this question in our group coaching call, she said something like, “Well, I think it’s great that he’s in touch with his feelings, but something isn’t right.
I’m questioning whether this is a good dynamic because I don’t want to fall back into my previous pattern of being with a man who is totally in his feelings and I’m ‘wearing the pants’ and that doesn’t feel good.”
This leads me to my next question…
2. Are you attracted to this man?
Usually, once we’ve identified how it feels, this is an easy one to answer.
No? Okay, next question…
3. Who’s holding more space for who?
Do you feel like you can completely trust this man? You can completely break down, and let him take care of you and himself when the sh*t hits the fan and things go down?
My sense is that your answer would also be no here.
When you know that:
1. This doesn’t feel good to you
2. You’re not attracted to this man &
3. You can’t completely trust him, let go of control, and just let him lead…
Then you know that you’re in the driver’s seat.
The polarity is reversed. You are in your masculine and he’s in his feminine.
Of course, there are a lot of questions and “grey areas” around these labels, but remember, they’re just labels.
What matters most is what you feel in your body.
Most women identify with a feminine essence which means we want to surrender.
We want to let go. We want to be taken. Ravished. And taken care of. By a masculine man.
So, when we are with a “nice guy,” we basically know that we can pretty much walk all over him… one way or another at one point or another.
And so if you do not stop or reverse this dynamic from the beginning, you might end up being in a long-term relationship, maybe even married.
I have a lot of clients who’ve been married to these men. And walked all over them. Told them what to do. Had children with them. And, look, every situation is different, but at the end of the day, that’s not fulfilling. You're not going to be attracted to your man. You're not going to respect him. You’re not going to trust him.
As feminine essence women, we have a deep need to feel safe. We have a deep need to let go of control and be taken care of.
So, that’s basically your answer. And it’s very simple.
But, I also know how easy it is to fall into because I have been in a long-term relationship myself with a man who is feminine.
And when I talk about “feminine men,” what I mean is men who are sitting on the feminine end of the polarity spectrum,energetically speaking.
Like magnetic poles, the opposite ends of the spectrum attract one another.
The more you are in your feminine as a woman, the more you attract masculine men. And the reverse is true.
If you are a woman who is very much in her masculine power, making all the decisions, leading the relationship forward you’re going to be attracting “feminine men.”
In other words, men who are in their feminine energy at that point in time. And that’s not to say they are necessarily feminine in their essence.
Many modern women w
28 min