39 - Addition by Subtraction The Coach and The Therapist

In this episode, we explore the common challenge of feeling overwhelmed due to an abundance of tasks and obligations. We discuss the power of subtraction, emphasizing the removal of unnecessary commitments from one's schedule. Practical examples, such as unsubscribing from irrelevant emails, deleting unused apps, and decluttering unused belongings, highlight the effectiveness of this approach. The key lies in replacing subtracted tasks with activities that bring genuine value, such as learning new skills or spending time in nature.

[2:30] Individuals grappling with overwhelming responsibilities often unknowingly assume specific roles, evident in their precise language use and heightened anxiety with any deviation from self-imposed rules. In therapy, we label this as anxiety, delving into fears that reveal deeper concerns, like the belief that involvement in the Parent-Teacher organization is crucial for a child's success and the fear of failure and destitution.

[4:05] Intriguingly, individuals adhering to unspoken roles often remain oblivious to the negative scenarios they conjure. We encourage exploring layers beyond surface-level responses, uncovering hidden thought processes that contribute to the complexity of problem-solving in their minds. Understanding these layers provides clarity on why overwhelm persists.

[5:28] Uncovering the depth behind initial responses is crucial. A revealing experience involves exploring fears, where the fear of embarrassment may be rooted in a broader concern, such as the worry that others won't like them. Recognizing these underlying factors helps reshape behavior and disengage from unnecessary activities.

[6:51] Addressing concerns, I consistently guide individuals down two avenues: challenging the belief that situations are as bad as perceived and empowering them to handle challenges. This dual approach fosters resilience and adaptability, crucial elements in overcoming perceived difficulties.

[8:25] Overwhelm encompasses various emotions, and resisting them intensifies the feeling. Acceptance and acknowledgment empower individuals to handle emotions, while avoidance perpetuates a cycle of relentless thoughts contributing to overwhelm.

[10:22] While removing distractions is crucial, overwhelmed individuals often focus on their to-do list. The initial step is subtracting activities that don't significantly impact others, especially during alone time. Examining personal time usage, such as news consumption or social media scrolling, is essential.

[12:45] Cutting out processed sugars positively impacts emotional well-being. Breaking the cycle of relying on sugar for stress relief saves time and improves overall health, enhancing one's ability to appreciate the sweetness in healthier foods.

[16:23] Subtracting negative judgment, both towards oneself and others, is a valuable practice. Observing and assuming the best about others is a starting point, with the additional challenge of recognizing and releasing negative self-talk. This shift fosters a compassionate perspective, promoting emotional well-being.

[21:05] Our discussion on adding and subtracting revolves around identifying tasks that contribute to overwhelm and negative self-talk. We explore ways to cut down on unnecessary obligations and cultivate a compassionate inner dialogue. Differentiating between what truly adds value and what can be let go of is crucial in navigating overwhelming situations.

Learn more about Vanessa's life coaching on her ⁠website⁠.

Learn more about therapy at ⁠Covenant Family Solutions⁠.

Contact us with your feedback and topic ideas at thecoachandthetherapist@gmail.com