70: Embracing and Appreciating Our Darkness Feel Pray Love

Feel Pray Love - Episode 70 - Embracing and Appreciating Our Darkness

In this episode of the Feel Pray Love Podcast, our host Nikki tells her story of immense amounts of darkness and sadness that she experienced in her childhood. With her story, she explains the importance and meaning of darkness and why we shouldn't run from it, but instead embrace it.

Intro Announcements
-Nikki announces she will be leaving her home in Bali in about a month
-“When I follow my guidance, I’m living in alignment with my purpose” - Nikki
-She will be traveling to Istanbul, Turkey, meditating in caves with a group and then moving on for her own exploration from there

Darkness
-Nikki shares that she was born backwards in the birth canal, and was suffocated as she came earth side
-When she turned 2, her father had a work accident
-He was electrocuted working on telephone lines, and suddenly passed away
-Nikki's mother, with 3 children, was presented with the news
-This is where Nikki’s childhood darkness began
-Her mother turned to alcohol and pills
-“For those who have grown up with an alcoholic parent or guardian, you become very empathic because you feel like you have to attune to their mood” - Nikki
-Her family had an intervention and her mom was sent to rehab
-Her mom came back, but then eventually fell back into her addiction
-Nikki turned to sports to cope with her traumas
-She then began partying with drinking, drugs, music, etc
-When she was in her early 20’s, her nightmare was going to become her reality
-Her mother had been found on the floor of her kitchen and was admitted into the hospital spending days and days there
-Nikki held her mother in her arms as she took her last breath

Grief
-Nikki went through massive amounts of grief
-“Losing her was the wound that was so deep, that no bandage could cover it” - Nikki
-Looking back, Nikki says she couldn't be more grateful for this experience
-Nikki describes her mothers passing as her darkest night
-She says she is an advocate for the darkness
-“We can trust the darkness” - Nikki

Allowance
-So many spiritual communities talk only about the light and the love
-“I don't want to turn my sadness into joy, the medicine is in allowing myself to feel the sadness and allowing myself to embrace the sadness, the pain, the fear, and letting it flow through me.” - Nikki
-By not immediately turning the sadness into joy, we allow the sadness to pass through and not get stuck in our bodies
-“When my heart breaks, I feel sadness, and I'm okay with that now” - Nikki
-“Light shines more brightly through the cracks of darkness” - Nikki
-Feeling through our emotions is just a part of the dance
-“As deep as I allow myself to experience my pain, my darkness, is the same level of depth I am able to experience joy” - Nikki Sunshine
-“Your light is shown ever brighter, when it is shown through the cracks of the darkness” - Nikki Sunshine

Links
-Her Reclamation Course: www.nikkisunshine.info/store
-Website: www.nikkisunshine.info
-Instagram: @heartwombhealing
-Email: hellonikkisunshine@gmail.com