81 episodes

Your guides to the miraculously macabre stories literaly literarily littering the bible.

Bible Stories for Atheists Bible Stories for Atheists

    • Society & Culture
    • 4.7 • 27 Ratings

Your guides to the miraculously macabre stories literaly literarily littering the bible.

    1 Kings Pt. 4 - Adventures in Kingdom Splitting

    1 Kings Pt. 4 - Adventures in Kingdom Splitting

    The kingdom of Israel splits into two separate nations after the death of King Solomon. His son Rehoboam ascends to the throne and when the people ask him to not be a dick like his dad. But his friends goad him into doubling down on his dickishness. He should have listened to Nancy Reagan and just said no to peer pressure!

    So Jeroboam comes back from Egypt to take control of the northern kingdom of Israel while Rehoboam maintains control of the southern kingdom of Judah (oh yeah, and Benjamin).
    And Jeroboam decides to make some golden calves. Why would he do that? Didn't he know golden calves are bad? Does he not read his scriptures? Or is there something else going on here? Why do birds suddenly appear every time you are near? Is that like a medical condition? Are you giving off avian pheromones or something? You should get that checked out.
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    • 50 min
    1 Kings Pt. 3 - A Biblical Guide to Banging 1000 Chicks

    1 Kings Pt. 3 - A Biblical Guide to Banging 1000 Chicks

    Support the show
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    • 1 hr 2 min
    1 Kings Pt. 2 - Adventures in Baby Splitting

    1 Kings Pt. 2 - Adventures in Baby Splitting

    David FINALLY kicks the bucket, but before he does, the good, upright King David, who loved and obeyed God unlike any other king, gives his son a kill list. And boy does Solomon tick off those boxes with gusto.

    It's a bloody start to the peaceful reign of Solomon. Solomon who had to be the one to build the temple because of all the bloodshed by his father. Weird... 

    God grants Solomon a wish and Solomon asks for wisdom and immediately regrets not wishing for more wishes. 

    Solomon is then so wise that he starts handling parental custody disputes. But is he actually wise or is he insane?

    "Jesus is a biscuit. Let him sop you up." - Latrice Royale
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    • 1 hr 1 min
    (Re-Release) Dr. Sheol's

    (Re-Release) Dr. Sheol's

    “Was the Gospel of John Changed to Suppress Mary Magdalene?” by ReligionForBreakfast – https://youtu.be/rfy6oiB_U-A
    Crucifying Tony Stark – https://youtu.be/V9_AeLmuRKc?t=120
    Turns out Jesus wants us to #TaxTheRich! At least that’s what he tells some Pharisee’s who try to trap him by asking one question and giving up.
    Also, Jesus is asked important questions such as if a woman clearly kills 7 brothers, all of whom she married, which one will she be married to at the resurrection.
    Resurrection? As in when we die we don’t actually go to heaven? Wtf? Did Jesus say that we don’t go to heaven?
    Jesus brings down the vibe by reminding everyone that the temple is going to be destroyed. But he seems to get it confused with the end times.
    We finally discuss the story of Lazarus, the real one, the one that ACTUALLY gets resurrected. And we dig into the confusion around was Mary and Martha there or just Mary?
    There’s a cinematic version of jewish leaders plotting to kill Jesus. And we circle back to the Palm Sunday to actually explain where the palm trees come from.
    Support the showWebsite - https://www.biblestoriesforatheists.com
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    • 1 hr 32 min
    1 Kings Pt. 1 - Bosom Buddies

    1 Kings Pt. 1 - Bosom Buddies

    We kick off 1 Kings by only talking about the first chapter. We've heard the Chronicles' version of Solomon becoming king but now we'll learn the King's version which is very different.

    The Succession drama is real as David gets sickly and curls up with a pretty young virgin. His oldest son for some reason thinks he's going to be the next king and tries to gather support by throwing a feast. Meanwhile, Solomon's mom convinces David to make Solomon king.

    And we hear from some Christian pastors on what these ancient government documents mean to your personal life choices today.

    Hope you enjoyed your VD!
    Support the show
    Website - https://www.biblestoriesforatheists.com
    Reddit - https://www.reddit.com/r/bibleatheists
    YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@bibleatheists
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    • 1 hr 18 min
    2 Samuel Pt. 8 - Numbers and How to Count Them

    2 Samuel Pt. 8 - Numbers and How to Count Them

    Oh boy! Is this a great episode if you love vague quantities of precious metals and stones. And the names! Oh the names of it all!

    We're blowing through the ingredients for a temple and plowing right into Solomon skipping the line to be king and David dying. All completely without incident. At least according to the book of Chronicles.

    Oh yeah! And the bible talks about aliens! We're pretty sure an ET cult has to exist because of this verse.

    Sorry, I feel like I just keep talking about me. How are you doing?
    Support the show
    Website - https://www.biblestoriesforatheists.com
    Reddit - https://www.reddit.com/r/bibleatheists
    YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@bibleatheists
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    • 1 hr 9 min

Customer Reviews

4.7 out of 5
27 Ratings

27 Ratings

Franciscaclassic ,

Serious study and humorous debate

These are great stories from the bible with the sheep sex jokes! I love it!

Kim from Colorado ,

Love this!

Just discovered your podcast and am loving it! I’ve always been an atheist, but felt like I had to be “in the closet”. With more and more people moving away from organized religion, it’s now more acceptable to talk about the fallacies of religion, and what utter nonsense the Bible is. Am also from Michigan 🙂, now live in Colorado.

irkendragon ,

Great Non-theistic Edutainment

Great fun coverage of the religious text without the pressure to buy into it. I’ve wanted to know more about these stories but don’t really have the time or fortitude required to get through them myself. Also nice having insight from two formerly religious hosts on how different things have been interpreted by different branches of Christianity over time. Fun book club vibes.

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