Brothers Talk About Love After a Break-Up The Kind of Love

NARRATE
 
Welcome back, hopefully you’ve joined me on the last episode where My brother Dave and I spoke about holding space IN the relationship.
 
Now we are going to talk about holding space for yourself in the aftermath of a break up.
 
When we recorded this interview, my Brother David’s  relationship had come to an end. 
I think to the degree of which you spent time loving someone determines the degree you will spend recovering from a divorce or a break up. 
One time a friend told me for every month you date someone you should only spend about an hour reflecting and recovering from that. I think t’s different for everyone.
But I think there’s something to that. The question is “how long do you want to spend experiencing the break up?”
And what does it look like to hold space for yourself when a relationship is really traumatic. 
Many times its just like a death, and you have to set side time to mourn, surround yourself with people that love you, and give yourself time to reflect and heal. 
 
 
 
It’s interesting to hear Dave’s perspective on when you’re really IN IT. And what your friends think you need and what you really need. Only you choose to let yourself recover.
 
 
 
You have to get back to having a good relationship with yourself.
 
 
 
So here is some more on two brother’s talking about love. 
 
 
 
(Short narration from relationship ending is much like a real death. And giving yourself time and space to greave. This could be mentioned at the beginning of part 2)
 
 
 
4:45 min
 
Detachment and if the buddha dated.  
 
 
 
5:38 min 
 
Detachment after a break up. Aaron mentions that he was told that he was still in a relationship with his ex.
 
 
 
6:30 min 
 
Daves says I’m not going to lie, I’m still attached
 
 
 
David talks about the level of depth he had with his ex. And it was a sign of all his transformational work. 
 
 
 
And the break up doesn’t feel congruent with all of the depth and love thats truly there 
 
 
 
10:00 min 
 
David begins talk about the practice of non attachment. Its a quiet practice of being ok and not needy in a relationship.  
 
 
 
 11:26 min 
 
David compares detaching from a realtionship to the death of his friend in high school DR. That  was an early experience of detachment and feeling abandoned.
 
 
 
 
 
 12:26 min 
 
David and his partner would practice say I choose you and I love you today, everyday.  
 
 
 
 
 
13:15 min 
 
Aaron asks David about feeling abandoned after the death of DR. Aaron shares a story of walking in David’s room right after DR died. 
 
 
 
14:45 min
 
David talks about the difference between a grandparent dying, and a close friend who’s on your same level.  
 
 
 
Anytime someone dies you get a reminder that we’re just here for a moment.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
17:36 min 
 
Aaron asks Dave about his recent break up and surrendering and letting go after the relationship was over.
 
 
 
When you’re going through a break up you’re surrounding what is lost, and trying to care and have love for yourself at the same time.
 
 
 
 
 
19:00 min 
 
Aaron makes the point that when you’re in a lot of pain you ARE self absorbed. And explained his experience in recovery.
 
 
 
When you’ve had a detrimental break you feel exhausted and you’re checking your emotions and your vital signs. 
 
 
 
  
 
20:10
 
Aaron asks Dave what the aftermath looks like, and what’s been helpful.
 
 
 
David talks about slowing down. Choosing not to judge yourself or keep up in an action oriented world.  
 
 
 
 
 
21:32 min 
 
Dave talks about the judgements he has on himself to DO. In a break up you need. 
 
 
 
Dave says to everyone, “I’m not functioning how I normally do.”