Chilled Out Parenting Karina Lane

While there are some good tips around to help you communicate with your child, sometimes you need to go a little deeper to improve the situation.It’s firstly important to review your expectations of your child’s listening because often we think they should be as skilled as adults in this area.There is a lot that gets in the way of you delivering your message and your child receiving it and acting on it. Getting your language right is important for ensuring your message is received by your child - often we overcomplicate our sentences. Many parents find it hard to be great listeners themselves, so it’s important to review this too. When in doubt, our children will always look to us for how to listen, follow instructions and behave.The stronger and more nurtured the connection with your child is, the more powerful and respectful the relationship between you will be, which means effective communication and better behaviour. 
If you'd like to know more about implementing calm, responsive parenting, you can get my book, Chilled Out Mum, here.
Need parenting help yesterday? Go here to book a call with me.
Ready for the next episode?
Stay tuned for the next episode of Chilled Out Parenting, where we’ll be looking at Big Behaviour - what it is, where it comes from and the best way to manage it. I'll be sharing the dos and don't of behavioural guidance to make this area a lot more chilled out for you, so be sure to tune in next week!

00:00 Show intro
01:28 Why it’s so important to work on supporting children’s emotions 
01:59 The big deal about EQ
02:52  How many parents respond to their child's feelings
06:44 What not to do when your child is in meltdown
07:34 3 easy steps to support your child’s big feelings
10:06 Your Actionable Take-Away Task
10:55 Chilled Out Tool In The Spotlight
13:24 Show wrap-up 
Key takeaways:
Children are born knowing how to express their feelings, but what they don’t know how to do is identify, process, and understand themEmotional intelligence is defined as a person's ability to express and manage feelings appropriately and is a set of skills that children can begin learning at any ageMany parents unknowingly deny and distract their children from experiencing their feelings, which means they miss out on an important lesson about what their feelings are for.  When we suggest a child’s problem isn’t that big a deal, or there are worse problems to have, this devalues their experience and emotions.It’s important not to see tantrums and meltdowns as bad behaviour or something your child is doing on purpose. The worst thing we can do when our children are dysregulated is become angry at them or send them away to calm down on their own.We want our children to understand that all feelings, even the really uncomfortable ones, are normal and healthy to have - and that everyone feels them.Many parents spend more time problem-solving and giving advice rather than listening to their child’s feelings. Staying present and available is essential for supporting big feelings.

If you'd like to know more about implementing calm, responsive parenting, you can get my book, Chilled Out Mum, here.
Need parenting help yesterday? Go here to book a call with me.

Ready for the next episode?
Stay tuned for the next episode of Chilled Out Parenting, where we’ll be looking at improving your child’s listening skills! How you can get your message across faster and clearer so you don’t get that talking-to-a-brick-wall feeling… If this area has been a struggle for you, be sure to tune in next week!

Being a mostly responsive parent means learning to regulate and manage your emotions successfully, even when they feel very intense. If this is an area you struggle with, you can work on this with the right tools and strategies, and I have an easy one to share with you in this episode. 
This is a 3-step process to help you identify your feelings and manage them in a productive way. So when you’re faced with those frustrating parenting challenges that often lead to shouting and behaving in a way you don’t like, this will help you gain control over your feelings and how the scenario pans out. 
00:00 Show intro
01:34 What gets in the way of calm parenting
02:27 The 3-step strategy for regulating your emotions
05:42 Coming up with better options for handling challenges
08:02 Your Actionable Take-Away Task
09:09 Chilled Out Tool In The Spotlight
12:10 Show wrap-up 

Key takeaways:
Your upbringing can explain why you find it hard to process your emotions and validate them in other people. The 3-step strategy for regulating your emotions is an easy process that will help you identify your feelings and manage them in a productive way. By carving out a few seconds of space to consider what feelings you’re having, you can dramatically control what happens in the rest of the scene. People with high emotional intelligence are well acquainted with their feelings and have many words to describe specific emotions they feel at different times of the day. It’s important to attend to your feelings because this can help you calm down and make a plan for what to do next. Unattended feelings tend to lead the way and cloud your thinking. Regulating your emotions is great role-modelling for your children, who will see you do this and learn to do it for themselves.  

If you'd like to know more about implementing calm, responsive parenting, you can get my book, Chilled Out Mum, here.
Need parenting help yesterday? Go here to book a call with me.

Ready for the next episode?
Stay tuned for the next episode of Chilled Out Parenting, where we’ll be looking at how you can help your child when they’re struggling with big feelings. We’ll be looking at what to do and say, as well as what to avoid! If you’ve found yourself stuck or lost for words when your child’s been in meltdown, this episode is not to be missed! 

Most of us start out in parenthood with a clear idea of the type of parent we want to be: calm, patient, attentive, and loving - but in reality it can be really difficult to be that chilled-out, calm parent when life is so frantic and parenting so chaotic!
It takes more than deep breathing and meditation to be a cool-headed parent. In this episode, I talk you through the very important first step to getting started with calmer parenting and how to make sure you keep it going. When it comes to making big changes, this is the best place to start. 
00:00 Show intro
01:47 The best parenting style for kids
03:17 The problem with parenting off our emotions
07:05 Two important declarations for calm parenting
07: 24 Your Actionable Take-Away Task
09:14 Chilled Out Tool In The Spotlight
12:06 Show wrap-up 

Key takeaways:
Various obstacles get in the way of being a calm, responsive parent. Parenting challenges and intense emotions can lead us to feel triggered and unable to respond helpfully.Real-life parenting means we’re constantly trying to manage our emotional rollercoaster alongside meeting our children’s needs. When we’re not skilled at this, the two can collide. This can mean we use another parenting approach called reactive parenting, which can lead to yell, make threats and lose our temper. Until you learn to tame your intense feelings,  you’ll continue to be controlled by them, which will keep you from being the responsive parent you want to be.Moving from being a mostly reactive parent to a mostly responsive parent starts with preparing your mindset for the journey ahead and making two important declarations.Being a responsive parent takes practice and commitment but the rewards are worth it

If you'd like to know more about implementing calm, responsive parenting, you can get my book, Chilled Out Mum, here.
Need parenting help yesterday? Go here to book a call with me.

Ready for the next episode?
Stay tuned for the next episode of Chilled Out Parenting, where we’ll be taking a closer look at how to regulate your feelings when things get heated, so you can avoid resorting to shouting or losing your temper. I’ll be sharing a very easy but powerful strategy to help you stay calm when you feel pushed to your limits. Don't miss this one!

Welcome to Chilled Out Parenting! This is the short and sweet podcast for busy parents like you who want great parenting guidance that not only makes sense and is easy to implement, but gives you more calm and inner peace. 
Go here to get to get your copy of Chilled Out Mum.
Need parenting help yesterday? Go here to book a call with me.