Dungeon of Doom: A Detroit Lions podcast from MLive Advance Sports Podcasts

I first got into this podcast after hearing rumors that Kyle Meinke hooked up with Kelly Stafford, which prompted the LA Rams trade. My sources in “the streets” tell me he may be the biological father to two of the Stafford daughters. Kyle has not taken the time to address or deny these rumors, which leads me to believe they are true. I can understand why Kyle would be ashamed of sleeping with Kelly Stafford, because he would have to talk to her, and her beliefs, attitudes and basically her entire human personality are objectionable. She’s like if a luxury SUV was transformed into a person…

After listening to several episodes of this podcast, it became clear to me that Kyle “grooms” his guests, both male and female, by being “very cool all the time” and then manipulates them. God knows what else he makes these people do. Probably they eat at some hole in the wall restaurant in Mexican town, or go to some art gallery/concert in an old factory building downtown. Then Kyle either impregnates them (i.e., Kelly Stafford), or forces them to read the first 20 pages of his “novel”, or makes them sit for a podcast interview. He has probably done 2 of the 3 to Graham Glasgow….

Despite my concerns about Kyle’s disturbingly cool attitude, I will say that unlike his friend (and potential RICO co-conspirator) Justin Rogers, Kyle does not come off as “too cool for school” by sounding bored and a tiny bit sad all the time. That being said, I have noticed that Kyle usually speaks in a sinister near monotone, which implies that he has seen far too many cool things to be impressed by normal life.

Also a plus: I do enjoy when they talk about how many meatball subs Matt Patricia would eat each day during training camp (anywhere between 5 and 11, depending on the day). Or how Patricia called every member of the defensive secondary a “dirty panocha” every day for the first 4 weeks of training camp in 2018. I also enjoy when they tell the story of Matt Patricia spilling nacho cheese on the practice field and falling into a trash can, and his pants falling down, and women screaming in horror like they saw the Hindenburg. Matty P was a sloppy, big, hairy dude. God help those poor survivors. We have all had to bear witness to so much pain…

Additionally: Ben Raven, while he is clearly being gaslit by Kyle, does still bring a positive, somewhat Canadian energy to the show. His white person enthusiasm, paired with what may be potentially characterized as a “west Saginaw amateur wrestler” accent, with a splash of salty poutine gravy on the microphone, leaves me wondering about what dark hellish past he may have emerged from. Probably a season 1 True Detective type situation, but with the backdrop of a Gray and Cloudy April Michigan day. I look forward to finding out more about Ben, as he slowly recovers long hidden memories. Go slow Ben, and try to avoid too many hallucinogens.

In short, this podcast is appropriately titled “the Dungeon of Doom,” and it serves as a metaphor for the dungeon of social manipulation that Kyle builds every day, the apparent Canadian Dungeon that Ben Raven likely escaped from, and the dungeon that exists in every lions fan’s mind. God help me, I can’t stop listening, even though they keep on hurting me.

Really wanted to like this, but this is a chore to listen to. Just the intro music alone should give you a clue of what is to come. Smooth jazz and Kyle coming in with the voice you would expect at a day spa, ugh! Ben is reason for some stars. He adds nice perspective, but it is not enough to salvage this slumber fest.

Raven and Meinke are awesome. The audio on Kyle’s mic can be a little rough but that’s fixable. Love the pod!!!