Fostering Marriage Joel & MaryBeth Fortner

In this episode, we’re in part 2 of discussing the importance of understanding personality styles through the lens of DISC.
High S
(S) Stabilizing, Amiable, Democratic, Patient
Where they’re gifted:
Caring deeply for others
Steady and stable
Predictable
Friendly
Sympathetic and understanding
Great listeners
Patient
Very loyal
Weaknesses or how they contribute to conflict:
Becomes disabled by conflict
Hates change
Struggles saying "no"
Internalizes concerns
Struggles establishing priorities
Puts others' needs before their own
Overly sensitive to criticism
Controls environment through procrastination
High C
(C) Cautious, Analytical, Detail Oriented, Systematic
Where they’re gifted:
Ability to analyze what works and what doesn't
Accurate and precise
Conscientious
Detail-oriented
Able to set realistic estimates
Have high standards
Very thorough
Weaknesses or how they contribute to conflict:
Struggles with change and conflict
Tend to have a negative critical eye
May appear harsh and uncaring
Will overstep boundaries when clear direction isn't given
Controls environment with facts
Conclusion
Again, we all send and receive information differently but we do so much better when we learn to lean in the direction of each other’s styles.

On this episode, we’re talking about the importance of understanding personality styles through the lens of DISC.
Why this is important
It’s super important to have better communicationIt’s better for not taking things personallyIt’s important for understanding each other
DISC 101
We all send and receive information the way we prefer to send and receive it
Natural vs. adaptive styles
We all have D, I, S, and C but people tend to have 1-2 dominant styles
Maturity vs. immaturity
The goal is to lean in the direction of one another’s personality styles
What that looks like
High D
(D) Dominance, Results Oriented, Driven, Competitive
Where they’re gifted:
Thinking innovatively, challenges the status quo
Problem-solvers
Self-starters
Leading groups in same direction
Functioning well under heavy workloads
Weaknesses or how they contribute to conflict:
Oversteps authority
Argumentative
Doesn't consider opinions of others
Takes on too much thinking it will create fast results
Commonly misses details that prevent mistakes
Controls environment through anger
High I
(I) Influencing, Persuasive, Inspiring, Enthusiastic
Where they’re gifted:
Enthusiastic and optimistic
Persuasive
Trusting
Accepting of others
Incredible at influencing and motivating
Creative problem-solvers
Weaknesses or how they contribute to conflict:
Can be more concerned with speaking than listening
Says "yes" too much and overpromises
Feels attacked by critique
Needs to be accepted
Loses focus with too many details
Controls environment through charm

In this episode, we discuss being on the same page with your parenting in your Fostering Marriage.  
We cover the importance of same-page parentingHow to be unified instead of creating divisionHow to make sure one spouse doesn’t feel left alone or left behindHow to make better decisions togetherHow to create consistency for the childWhy being a predictable parent is so important for your kids
Parenting approach
This begins with your mindsetRemember your marriage is team #1Ask questions to gain perspective to understand view pointsBe flexible to change if an approach isn’t workingExtending grace is paramount especially when you’re new to fostering and related stressors
Keys to practice
Discussing parenting approaches beforehand
DisciplinePraiseWhat if more support is needed once you have a placement?What support systems can you use? (i.e. respite, family, friends, babysitters, etc.)
When you're in the thick of it.
Understanding one another and their point of view and factoring in and gaining perspective and asking questions to see where they are coming from and why they are suggesting what they areHaving humility/ communicate with loveSeeking out information from other people/resourcesDiscipline/Choices and consequences - Recommended Read - Beyond Consequences, Logic and ControlWhat direction do we want to go? Be willing to change if it’s not working.
What about when we’ve talked and we just don’t agree? 
Can one parent be willing to try the other parent's approach? What are the objections? Have you talked enough and gotten to what the real objections are? 

In this episode, we’re talking about supporting each other in the struggles of fostering in a wholistic perspective.
1. Physical
Home life (chores, responsibilities, etc. )Foster duties such as insurance, appointments, etc. The spouse who’s NOT taking on more task encouraging the other to take a breakKeeping health and fitness a priorityKeeping intimacy a priority
2. Spiritual
Keeping relationship with God THE priority as individualsPraying togetherPracticing faith - speak to trusting God when you don’t know something is going to goExamples - the future of the kids, will we lose them, will this adoption happen
3. Mental/Emotional
Doing the things that replenish and rejuvenate youWhen you’re struggling with a super difficult childPracticing living with suffering and daily dying to selfWhen you’re struggling with losing a childSeeking help if you need itImportant of grace
Your support of each other is more powerful when you’re supporting the whole person.

It’s easy in fostering to lose focus on making your marriage the higher priority. Learn how to change that mindset and keep your marriage priority #1.
IntroductionToday we’re talking about making foster parenting fit your marriage, not the other way around. 
What holds couples back from keeping their marriage the higher priority:
We place more importance on fostering than the marriageSeeking worth from fostering and your kids If your beliefs (possibly driven by lies, assumptions, “kids are more important”, etc) then your decision/behaviors will follow those beliefsFostering being possibly the only important thing you have in commonTherefore, it’s what you talk about and focus on constantly
2 keys to keeping your marriage the higher priority:
Key #1 - Mindset 
Both people actually believe that the marriage is more importantBeliefs:It’s critical to lead and shepherd your familyIt’s our job to make our kids healthy, strong, and good decision makersOur family will do better when we’re unifiedEvery team needs 1 leader and the more unified you are, it’s as if there’s only 1 leader (but we bring different gifts and talents to the family)Communication is betterGives the kids more consistency and therefore, security and stability
Key #2 - Healthy accountability
Healthy accountability is lovingly helping someone succeedIn this case, it’s to succeed in marriage and as parentsDiscuss what holds people back from having healthy accountabilityTaking things personallyPrideDefensivenessFearMaking assumptionsNot asking questionsLosing worth in the discussionFeeling out of controlApproaching your spouse in a loving way to discuss the problemHumility and practicing receiving what your spouse is saying
ConclusionTwo BIG keys to make foster parenting fit your marriage, not the other way around.
MindsetHealthy accountability

In a Fostering Marriage, you’re faced with stressors, emotional struggles and hard decisions that can chip away at unity. Learn how to keep or create unity in the midst of challenges.
IntroductionIf you listened to Episode 0, welcome back and we’re thrilled you’re here!
If you didn’t listen to episode 0, go listen because we share a little about why we’re doing this show and who we are
In this episode, we’re talking about how to keep or create unity in a Fostering Marriage
Why is this so important?What holds couples back from greater unity?
Key #1 - Prioritizing connection
Create the time and space away from the kids to…
How couples drift away from prioritizing connection…
What happens when we don’t connect as couples
Key #2 - Quality communication
We’re gonna talk a ton about communication on this show….
We're gonna talk a lot about personality styles and communication…
The point we want to make today is constantly work on your communication…
Slow down and practice patience Pay attention to your tone - being careful of accusations/ controlling in how you speakGain perspective/Ask questionsRemember you’re on the same team
Key #3 - Be generous to each other
What does that mean?
Giving, sacrificing, not being selfish
Being graceful and understanding of each other’s struggles
Be generous in how you view the other person
Shut down judgment, bitterness, resentment, victim mentalityServe each otherNot everything has to be compromise…
ConclusionThree keys to focus on to keep or create unity are:
Prioritize connectionQuality communicationBe generous to each other