Grief Stories Grief Stories

Maureen Pollard interviews Vicky about losing her husband to myeloma, after surviving prostate and bladder cancer. They discuss the challenge of not having a cancer clinic where they lived, meaning they had to for drive hours back and forth for treatment. They spent so much money on hotels that they ended up having to leave their home and move closer to the clinic, adding an additional struggle of maneuvering their new apartment stairs in his state of illness.
She talks about how her physical and mental health was affected as his health deteriorated, but she could still only see him with love and hope. "He's in the hospital and, this is before he died, and I stopped eating when he stopped eating. I lost 30 pounds, I wouldn't even get up to go seek water, all I could do was hold his hands and break down. And, he was so strong you know ... He wasn't getting better and I did not see that. I look at pictures now and I see how ill he was, but it's true when you look at someone through the eyes of love you don't see the illness, all you see is that beautiful face that you adore. My husband was everything to me, I mean our story was a love story."
They also discuss how her friend Karen took her in after she lost everything (her home, her husband, and her own will to live) and how the Universe brought her a new friend who understood what she was going through.
Both of these women lifted her up and helped her through the darkest time in her life, as did a song that her husband wrote while he was sick which you can listen to here (performed by John Sharkey): http://itunes.apple.com/album/id1715659192?ls=1&app=itunes

Maureen Pollard once again interviews Betsy about losing her adopted son to cancer. In part 2 of this discussion, Betsy continues to talk about the way that expressive arts was helpful both in the end of her son's life, as well as in Betsy's own grief. "All through the 4 years that he was dealing with cancer, each day I began to realize more and more he really had some artistic talent. But he also just drew strength. I used to call it 'The Beautiful Distraction' because he was such a traumatized young man in many ways, and to have something to keep his mind off a procedure he was about to have - it could be a simple blood draw, it could be a major amputation - but to keep his hands moving, building, painting, sketching and drawing was important every step of the way, all the way through to his death."

You can listen to Part 1 here: https://soundcloud.com/griefstories/79-betsy-fisher/

Maureen Pollard interviews Betsy about losing her adopted son to cancer on Mother's Day weekend. They discuss the grief and loss her son had already been through in his young life, and how powerful and beautiful it was for him to then have Betsy by his side, supporting him through his cancer journey and loving him at the end of his life. Betsy talks about how much expressive arts and creativity helped him, and how talented he was: "So many things that he [drew] were those kinds of expressions of what he was feeling scared about, but also very joyful things that would get hung around our room ... We would hang his artwork off IV poles and on the backs of calendars and things on the wall just as kind of proof of life that we were existing and that he was flourishing in a strange way, even in a hospital setting he was creating and living." They also discuss the challenges of anticipatory grief that shifts into grief of loss, how Betsy struggled with her identity being a single woman who adopted and then lost a child, and how talking about him and sharing his story has helped her to feel purpose and identity confirmation.

Maureen Pollard interviews Tracee Dunblazier, a Spiritual Empath, Shaman and award-winning Author of 'Transformative Grief: An Ancient Ritual of Healing for Modern Times' about every day grief. They discuss the importance of dedicated grieving time, of spending time with your grief, whatever you are grieving. Tracee talks about how there is every day grief: "Grief is not just about loss. We experience transitions on a daily basis, our need and ability to pivot in a situation. The coffee machine broke and now I have to go out and get coffee, because I have to have coffee, right? So we have these parameters in our life and sometimes we are required to pivot from the habits that we've created and that causes an emotional transition which is grief. So when you can recognize that, recognize that during your day you can have 20 of those, and that that builds up, so if you will give yourself a 5 minute inventory at the end of the evening or before you go to bed to really sit and breathe and recognize all the times you had to transition during your day.. give yourself the opportunity to release that energy and process how you dealt with it."

Check out Tracee's book here: http://www.amazon.com/Transformative-Grief-Ancient-Ritual-Healing

Maureen Pollard interviews Kailey Bradley, a licensed professional Counselor in the state of Ohio, who specializes in grief therapy. They discuss a different type of grief - one that stems from infertility and chronic illness. Kailey talks about how she has had to grieve her life, and her future as she once imagined it, after being diagnosed with infertility as well as a chronic illness and an immune deficiency. She talks about how there are always new moments of coming to terms with her infertility, like when she became an aunt for example. She also discusses the challenges of navigating the pandemic with an immune deficiency, and how these experiences have impacted her spirituality. "Illness.. totally.. the maps that I had about how the world operated before navigating illness just didn't work anymore, so at that point I think you have these shattered assumptions and you piece together a new kind of paradigm or schema, and it's very painful work. But I'm grateful for that work, and I think my spirituality is much more mature and more nuanced and more grey now than it ever has been."

Maureen Pollard interviews Jarie, author of 'Ride or Die: Loving Through Tragedy, a Husband's Memoir' about losing this wife to leukemia and the challenges of becoming her caretaker as newlyweds, her diagnosis coming a little over a year after they married. "You get swallowed by it, you lose yourself ... that was something that didn't happen overnight and I didn't realize, but I wasn't me anymore. I was Jane's husband, I was her caregiver, I was Captain Team Jane for lack of a better word. You lose a little bit of your humanity and not because - your sick spouse obviously doesn't want that to happen - but by necessity, and by just the sheer weight of the situation. People are going to ask how she's doing before they're going to ask how you're doing, which is totally natural." They also discuss the conflicting feelings of hope vs anticipatory grief you balance as a caretaker and partner, as well as the way this experience taught Jarie that every day is precious.

Check out Jarie's Memoir here: www.amazon.com/Ride-Die-Through-Tragedy-Husbands/dp/1684632102