How to Parent Peacefully. With the Hand in Hand Parenting approach‪.‬ Pamela Quiery

Does it infuriate you when people talk about self-care and it feels totally out of your reach?

You are stressed, your kids are fighting and some expert is telling you to take a bath??

Before we can even think about self-care, we need to do this first...

And that is checking in with our nervous systems, noticing whether we are in fight, flight or freeze and then finding ways to bring ourselves back into balance.

I talk about small habits we can weave into our everyday lives to slow down, notice and soothe our nervous systems.

Once we do that, we can think well again. We can feel more calm. We can feel more in control of what is going on around us. And then we can start to think about how to get our needs met.




If you enjoyed this episode, please subscribe to the podcast, share it with a friend and consider leaving an iTunes review and/or a Spotify rating. It will help this conversation reach even more parents.I would love to stay in touch! You can follow me on Facebook and Instagram @PamParentCoach. I always love to hear from my listeners.If you enjoyed this episode, please subscribe to the podcast, share it with a friend and consider leaving an iTunes review and/or a Spotify rating. It will help this conversation reach even more parents.I would love to stay in touch! You can follow me on Facebook and Instagram @PamParentCoach. I always love to hear from my listeners.

This week's episode is an Ask Me Anything episode, where parents in my community submit their questions and I answer them on the pod. I have some wonderful questions to answer this week which I think will be relevant to so many of you.A teacher and grandmother asks about the challenges of introducing connection-based approaches to children into the preschool setting.

I answer a question about helping a child move on from pull-ups to confidently use the potty or toilet.  I discuss how we can gently support children with their underlying feelings so they can move through their fears and challenges.

I talk about how to deal with habits like nail biting and nose picking - what’s really going on under the surface and what can we as parents do about it.And my final question is about smartphone use and the many, many challenges faced by parents around that.

​​If you enjoyed this episode, please subscribe to the podcast, share it with a friend and consider leaving an iTunes review and/or a Spotify rating. It will help this conversation reach even more parents.I would love to stay in touch! You can follow me on Facebook and Instagram @PamParentCoach. I always love to hear from my listeners.If you enjoyed this episode, please subscribe to the podcast, share it with a friend and consider leaving an iTunes review and/or a Spotify rating. It will help this conversation reach even more parents.I would love to stay in touch! You can follow me on Facebook and Instagram @PamParentCoach. I always love to hear from my listeners.

Today on the podcast I talk about the small interactions with your child that happen many times a day but often don’t go so smoothly. A simple request from you turns into a standoff or an argument - and you just want your child to listen without all the drama. 



This is something parents ask me about all the time:“I don’t want to respond harshly to my children but I don’t want to be permissive either - what do I do?” 

 

The question is - how to approach discipline when you don’t want to use threats or punishments but trying to be gentle isn’t working either -  you are stuck in an endless cycle of trying to be gentle but your patience wears thin and you descend into arguments swiftly followed by you losing your cool. It doesn’t feel very gentle but the only alternative seems to be to allow your child to do what they want!



There is another way to set limits in a gentle way with your child, in a way that doesn’t use fear or control and doesn’t damage your relationship.



So I’m talking about how to deal with those small everyday interactions which cause arguments or conflict over and over again - like bedtime, like wanting a snack right before dinner, like turning the TV off. 



You want to say no but you don’t want the arguments.



I take you through Hand in Hand Parenting’s approach to setting limits using the “Listen, Limit, Listen” framework. It works like a dream and you can rest assured you are holding firm without using fear and whilst still leaving room for feelings. 



This episode I recorded outdoors by the sea, so there is a little bit of wind interference, I hope it isn’t too annoying. Here is a photo of my view so you can picture the scene!



If you enjoyed this episode, please subscribe to the podcast, share it with a friend and consider leaving an iTunes review and/or a Spotify rating. It will help this conversation reach even more parents.



I would love to stay in touch! You can follow me on Facebook and Instagram @PamParentCoach. I always love to hear from my listeners.

Today I talk about why parents get angry in the heat of the moment with their children and what you can do in the moment when you feel the anger rising in you.

 

This is a re-record of the very first episode of the podcast. The sound quality is poor in the original but it is such a great topic so I wanted to put it out there again in better quality.



And we need to hear this information over and over again because in the heat of the moment we can't think well and afterwards we tend to beat ourselves up about not being the gentle parent we want to be. 



​⁠In this episode I talk about my three strand approach to help parents who are losing their cool with their kids. 



We all want to be gentle parents. We don't set out to yell at our kids. We feel horrified when we yell and we know it isn't a good strategy. And yet we find ourselves flipping our lids again and again. 



So why exactly do we lose our cool? I talk about the big picture of trying to parent in a stressful society that doesn't support parents well and I talk about the physiological changes that take over our brain and lead to us flipping our lid - we literally can't help it, we are not bad parents and willpower alone can't stop the emotional brain taking control.



When we understand what's going on in our brain, we can be compassionate towards ourselves and then take responsibility and take action to keep our emotions in check.



We can approach this in 3 ways:

1. By taking care of our own needs we are more resourced and less burnt out. Then we are in better shape to take care of our kids. We can't pour from an empty cup. 

2. In the moment strategies to work with our nervous system to bring it back into balance when we lose our cool. 

3. Prevention is always better than cure - when we work on our triggers, we take the emotional charge out of the situation and we are less likely to lose our tempers. There is no quick fix but we can make progress over time to heal and grow as a parent - and shout less as a result. 



In this episode I talk about Dan Siegel's YouTube video where he explains flipping the lid. 



I also mention Episode 62 of my podcast: three things I ask myself when I lose it with my kids.



​If you would like to watch the replay of my Peaceful Parent Masterclass you can do so here. 



If you enjoyed this episode, please subscribe to the podcast, share it with a friend and consider leaving an iTunes review and/or a Spotify rating. It will help this conversation reach even more parents.



I would love to stay in touch! You can follow me on Facebook and Instagram @PamParentCoach. I always love to hear from my listeners.

In today's episode I talk about that dreaded scenario when you have your day planned out with work or other commitments and your child says (directly or indirectly) "I don't want to go to school today".

Your heart sinks. You might panic or try to persuade them that they do really want to go.

When we act from a place of panic or frustration, it usually leads to upset and conflict and rarely moves things forwards.

So today I talk to you about how best to proceed when you are triggered and your child is digging their heels in.

I talk about how to shift out of frustration and respond instead with empathy and curiosity.

Often that is all our children need.

I talk about the importance of acknowledging and validating our children's feelings (instead of gaslighting them or talking them out of their feelings).

And of course we need to look at the context: is the school or childcare setting meeting our children's needs and is there anything we can do to help support them.

As always, connection is the key to supporting our children with these tricky situations.

For more ideas to solve difficult mornings, check out the following podcast episodes:



#023 Overcoming Morning Meltdowns

I talk about how to inject connection into your mornings so everything runs more smoothly.

Episode 58 Stress-free mornings: How to get children dressed and ready for their day without the battles

I talk about some fun games to try when your child doesn’t want to get dressed.



If you want more, join my upcoming free Why Your Kids Won't Listen Masterclass which is happening on 6th February 2024 at 8pm UK time.

Click here to register.




If you are ready to put these ideas into practice in your own parenting, come and work with me over in the Peaceful Parent School.  Click here to find out more and book your place.

If you enjoyed this episode, please share it with a friend and consider leaving an iTunes review. It will help this conversation reach even more parents.

I would love to stay in touch! You can follow me on Facebook and Instagram @PamParentCoach. I always love to hear from my listeners.

In this week’s episode I talk about a super quick, super effective way to connect with your little ones after you’ve all had a busy day apart. 



Often asking them about their day leads to one word answers or can make your child irritable with you. 



Despite their reluctance to talk to you, they want to reconnect, they want to feel close to you but asking them questions is rarely the best way. 



Instead, I have a quick 10 minute fix that will bring you both closer. When you come back into connection with your child, you both feel better. It will help bedtime go more smoothly, they may fall asleep more easily and will be more cooperative the next morning - well worth the ten minute investment. 



Listen to the episode and you will be inspired to give it a go and reap the benefits for your family.



Also, I have a free training happening this Monday 22nd January over on my Peacefully Parenting Under 8s Facebook Group Its called “Journal your way to exceptional parenting”. It’s all about how you can use journaling to stay motivated and inspired in your parenting.



Hop over to my group or drop me an email hello@pamtheparentcoach with the word ‘journal’ and I will send the replay over to you. 



If you are ready to put these ideas into practice in your own parenting, come and work with me over in the Peaceful Parent School.  Click here to find out more and book your place.



If you enjoyed this episode, please share it with a friend and consider leaving an iTunes review. It will help this conversation reach even more parents.



I would love to stay in touch! You can follow me on Facebook and Instagram @PamParentCoach. I always love to hear from my listeners.